You know that song, “Why do birds suddenly appear?”
Well, I know why birds suddenly appear every time you are near. It’s obvious.
It’s all that birdseed you covered yourself with.
How did you get it to stick to your body?
Peanut butter?
Honey?
Baby oil?
I hope you’re not allergic.
Not only does that crap attract birds, but there’s a large population of squirrels and chipmunks and other varmints following you around.
Okay, so some of them eat the seeds you’re leaving behind you, but the ones that crawl up your legs… aren’t you worried about rabies or scratches?