“Where is the ring?” demanded Great Sauron.
After days of torture, the creature Gollum screamed “SHIRE! BAGGINS!”
Sauron sent out orcs to investigate.
Several weeks later, the orcs returned.
“Sorry, boss,” they said. “But we couldn’t find any place called Baggins.”
If Sauron could slap his face with his palm, he would.
“The place is called Shire, dumbasses,” said Sauron.
“Oh,” said the orcs. “Right.”
Sauron watched them leave and sighed.
“I should have made two rings to rule them all,” he muttered. “Next time, I’m making a backup.”
The Ringwraiths howled and swooped.
Sauron sent them out for pizza.