- Lizzie
- Richard
- Tom
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
LIZZIE
The current state of affairs is grim. What did I do to deserve this. All I wanted was a little garden with a touch of originality. But that greenish tone. I hate it. It makes me want to puke. And those little ducks floating about in a neat little line make me want to kill them though they are fake ducks. I sit here and wonder. Could I paint this in black and fire the decorator?
“Honey, help me here. I’m not sure whether to go for a twisted branch or for a straight one. Just love the green tone!”
RICHARD
Half-Baked
I’d always had aspirations to become a journalist, but dad was a baker, and his dad before him, and I had little choice other than to join the family business.
I did rather well. My prize winning fruit buns were known throughout the town, earning me recognition amongst the Master Bakers’ community, and eventually I was invited to become the Chief Master Baker and press spokesperson.
The Master Bakers’ principal organ of communication was a publication appallingly entitled, ‘A Pizza Cake’. Thankfully, in recognition of my services to baking, and to honour my excellent buns, it was renamed…
‘Currant Affairs’
SERENDIPIDY
Your toe bone’s connected to your foot bone.
Your foot bone’s connected to your ankle bone.
Your ankle bone’s connected to your shin bone.
Your shin bone’s connected to your knee bone.
Your knee bone’s connected to the thigh bone.
The thigh bone’s connected to the hip bone.
The hip bone’s connected to the back bone.
Your back bone’s connected to your neck bone.
Your neck bone’s connected to your head bone.
And your head bone’s connected to four hundred volts of direct current, controlled by this one little switch.
Let’s see what happens when my finger connects with it!
NORVAL JOE
Tony grabbed a handful of Billbert’s shirt in the middle of his chest and twisted his fist until the t-shirt tightened around his throat.
Billbert felt himself rising off the ground but not through any current use of his superpower.
Tony snarled. “Didn’t you hear me say that Marrissa is my girlfriend?”
Billbert wheezed through his constricted airway, “Are you sure she’s your current girlfriend? She said she wanted to meet me at the dance.”
Tony’s face darkened from pink to crimson to purple. “Do you currently wish to die a painful death, or would you rather just quietly disappear?”
TOM
The End Is Near-
He was truly a bad man. The family seated in the viewing room were awaiting his timely exited from this world. In a few moments major electrical current was going to stop the bastard’s heart. Dad doubted the fucker had a heart to stop. Mom just wanted him dead. I had some last minute reservations. Is a life for a life a … hell fry the guy! When they throw the switch his eyes show the tiniest expression of remorse then when blankly dead. They granted Dad one last kindness. He took a baseball bat and cave his head in.
PLANET Z
It’s important to stay current with technology.
You don’t want to fall too far behind, or people won’t think you’re relevant.
And you don’t want to be too far ahead, or people will realize you’re a time traveler.
Of course, time travel is really far ahead.
So if they see you time travel, you’ll get all kinds of questions and problems.
Best to stay current with things.
Same with fashion, too.
One man’s anachronisms is another man’s trendsetting.
Although that might be how future fashions become fashions in the future.
You bring them back, people see them.
Setting a trend.