- Richard
- Lizzie
- Serendipidy
- Tom
- Duane
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
RICHARD
Stay safe
“Stay safe out there – I don’t want to have to continue this mission all on my own!”
It was kind of weird being told to look after myself by a computer, but considering the run of bad luck we’d had recently, I suppose it made sound sense.
For a moment, I caught myself wondering whether it was possible for an artificial intelligence to worry, then dismissed the idea with a snort.
I turned my attention to the job in hand, before heading back to the ship.
“Open the pod bay doors, Hal.”
“I’m sorry Dave, I can’t do that.”
LIZZIE
“Stay safe and enjoy the trip.”
He repeated these words in his mind, over and over again, while trying to keep his head above the icy water. He knew he didn’t have much time left.
“Stay safe and enjoy.”
And it had been very enjoyable. Very enjoyable, he repeated in his mind.
Good music, good food, nice company. Very nice.
“Stay and enjoy. How nice.”
The water was so cold. He couldn’t see anything. He could hear people around him, crying and yelling.
“Stay, be nice.”
And he felt he was so far away. It was strange.
“Stay… Stay… Nice…”
SERENDIPIDY
The world is a dangerous place, and I firmly believe that you can’t be too careful when it comes to kids.
You’ve heard the expression ‘wrapping them in cotton wool’? Well, I’ve taken it literally, and mine are wrapped in a hundred yards of the stuff, tightly held in place with duct tape.
Because, nothing is too much trouble to ensure my kids stay safe.
As for germs and such like, I encase the cotton wrapped youngsters in giant polythene bags, vacuum sealed for security.
Weirdly however, none of my safety measures seemed to work.
The children still died, somehow.
TOM
Pick A Lock Any Lock
I was at this magic convention. I told this guy with a bunch of doves in
jacket: Stay Safe. He says you too. I say I will. He smiled at me snapped
his fingers, three guys appeared pushing an Elkhorn Safe. Next thing I
know I’m in the safe. I feel myself being pulled upward. I can just make
out someone yelling. “It’s over the pool. You know no-one can hear you
scream in an iron safe. The rule when falling into a pool locked in a
safe: don’t panic. The second: revenge in a dish best severed cold. Yup.
DUANE
We’ve heard many mixed messages and contradictions over the last year. The one that still has some traction is “stay home, stay safe.” The phrase shows up everywhere. It’s in tweets. It’s in email signatures. It was on my cable bill. Ironically, it’s even on bumper stickers and posters in restaurants.
Have we all forgotten the most important message from the past? Have we lost the words of wisdom that used to be in tv commercials and public service announcements? If we are truly going to “return to normal”, we need to reclaim the phrase, “most accidents happen at home!”
NORVAL JOE
Billbert and his father walked back into the Air Bnb. Mrs. Blanketmaker sat on the couch eating cheese and crackers.
Mr. Blanketmaker stopped in the doorway. “I’m going out for a little bit. You two stay safe.”
“Stay safe from what?” Billbert asked. “Do you think Mr. Withybottom is going to come back over here and give us some trouble?”
“You never know,” his father said. “There could be a tiger creeping around the neighborhood.”
Billbert’s mother laughed. “You stay safe. You’re the one who will be wandering around outside. Watch out for black cats jumping from fifth floor apartments.”
PLANET Z
Instead of ending conversations with “Bye” or “God bless” now people end conversations with “Stay safe.”
Put on a mask, wash your hands, put on gloves, and order everything delivery.
Keep six feet away from others, don’t gather in large crowds.
All the stuff that the CDC tells you to do.
Even if you’re vaccinated.
The cards are so easy to fake
A knock on the door, you open it, and let the hooker in your home.
A hundred bucks more for no condom?
Sure, no problem.
You beam the money with a no-contact bluetooth app, and close the door.