LIZZIE
The asinine brochure with the inept typo managed to convince her, in a moment of complete vulnerability, she should add, to go find a beach somewhere and age happily. She did. And the beach was lovely, yes, except for the fact that the damn seagulls pooped all over her little paradise. She thought there’d be other people around. But no, nobody, not a single soul. No fish either. So, she had to practice her skills on the pooping seagulls. It was a nasty sight. And she couldn’t even eat them… She had given up on meat a long time ago.
RICHARD
Kids
Kids of that certain age… Too noisy, too much energy, and way too taxing for any parent, no matter how loving or conscientious.
Before I came up with the perfect solution, I tried it all: Bribery, threats, pleading, but still nothing would stop them running around the house, wreaking havoc.
I tried vodka – first for myself, then I tried it on the youngsters. It just made them even more hyper, and when they weren’t hyper, they were stumbling around drunk, completely trashing the place.
You won’t see them running around today though.
I’ve Velcroed them to the carpet!
Another vodka?
SERENDIPIDY
I possess what you might call a thin veneer of respectability – outwardly, to the casual observer, I was pleasant enough, even what you might call sociable.
However, scratch the surface, and you’d soon find a streak of pure evil.
Dishonesty, greed and avarice are my vices, and there’s little I won’t do to satisfy them; and, as far as I’m concerned the end always justifies the means.
And best of all, absolutely nobody suspects a thing. Everyone thinks I’m salt of the earth and butter wouldn’t melt in my mouth.
All because of that, completely fake, thin veneer of respectability.
TOM
What Could Go Possibly Wrong 024
A thin veneer of reality streaked across the ages. Bodies falling of bodies in a huge puppy pile of human. It looked like Guernica on a bad hair day. Lot of groans and colorful language. The first intelligent voice was surprisingly the captain. A true Douglas Adams moment. “Said the Petunias: Oh no not again.” The next quip was “Curse you Cervantes,” from Molly who somehow had sole ownership of the pint glass. If only for a second. Seeing the gun man had lost his restraints Parker set the pint glass on his forehead again. A oh no not again moment.
NORVAL JOE
hey all waited silently in the dark woods for so long that Billbert couldn’t help himself and asked, “Is it time for the caramel corn?”
He heard giggles from the boys and girls before the old woman asked, “Warren? Warren? Where’s the flashlight?”
A man cleared his throat. “Oh. Sorry.”
A light flashed on and illuminated a woman of advanced age, a wavy black streak wormed through her silver hair. She turned toward the boys and girls in the darkness. “Which one of you spoke?”
All the boys and girls knew it was Billbert, so he admitted, “It was me.”
PLANET Z
Alfred Nobel was a misanthrope, hating all people.
This may have motivated him to invest dynamite and other implements of war and death.
But when his brother died and journalists mistook Alfred’s brother for Alfred, the obituaries were vicious and bitter.
“The Merchant of Death?” yelled Alfred. “I will show them!”
And he stopped producing weapons, instead establishing the Nobel Prizes for advances in humanity.
He also established a fund to hunt down and kill the journalists who had insulted him.
Newspaper offices across the world went up in flames.
“I knew that dynamite would come in handy,” said Alfred.