LISA
Writing a thriller
It was remote, like really remote. But I’d felt I had to get away – the nearest neighbour was probably about ten minutes away by car and I didn’t drive. There was no one to hear you scream, you know? The weather got pretty scary out there too. It was awful really there he was in a thunderstorm up a ladder doing preventative maintenance (his words) while I was inside by the fire with a glass of wine. Honestly? I was just waiting for the rungs I’d sawn through yesterday to give way so I could enjoy my isolated writers retreat.
LIZZIE
“The landing was scheduled for eleven. What’s going on?”
The voice on the phone stumbled.
“I don’t care. Where are they?”
Some problem…
“Are they coming or not?”
Silence.
“If they aren’t coming, I need to dispose of these samples. You know how human samples deteriorate quickly and the fridge you left here is crap.”
A chuckle.
“Oh, funny, is it? You won’t find it so amusing when it’s your turn to do a tour here on Earth and have your crappy fridge stuffed with beers just because you don’t want them to think you’re an alien, which you are!”
RICHARD
Varnish
It’s all about preventative maintenance: The old ‘stitch in time saves nine’ philosophy.
That’s why I’ve spent the last ten years varnishing all my external woodwork, to protect against the worst of the weather.
Fences, decking, doors and windows have all received the treatment, and after all this time, it had better be worth it.
I never expected it to take quite as long as it did, but then again, I’ve no idea why the varnish comes in such tiny bottles.
The wife always buys it for me… She gets it from the same place she buys her make-up, apparently.
SERENDIPIDY
If you look out of the window at midnight, you’ll see them landing.
They’ll exit their spaceship and make their way slowly to the house, and – as always – I’ll be here waiting for them.
They’ll stare at me, from those dark, alien eyes, set in those grey, pallid faces, and then motion for me to follow them back to their craft.
Once inside, they’ll strip me, strap me to a cold metal table, and then…
And then, they’ll produce the anal probe.
Who could have possibly known that first contact would be quite so unsettling?
And yet, so much fun!
NORVAL JOE
Billbert charged away into the darkness. Sabrina ran to catch up to him and took hold of his hand.
“Slow down, Billbert. I’m trying to give you an explanation.”
He considered her hand in his. It felt warm. Warmer than his own, but he didn’t want to let go.
“Okay,” he said. “Explain what weather witches are and why I need to make daily contact with you. That doesn’t mean kissing, does it?”
Sabrina giggled. “Weather witches need to be polarized to be most effective. Therefore, we need daily contact with our counterparts. Kissing is a nice way to contact.”
PLANET Z
The landing areas were all far from the base.
So if a ship blew a landing, it wouldn’t damage the base with its wreckage.
Or if there was a problem with fuel tanks, the tunnel airlocks could cut off oxygen from the explosions.
Sure, it took a while to get cargo and people to and from the landing areas, but after one particularly nasty accident, the base design proved itself worthy.
Instead of killing thousands of workers and researchers and damaging priceless equipment, the company just had to string out a few replacement fuel lines and gather up the scrap.