NORVAL JOE
Pacing along with the other students in the hallway Billbert raised his voice to be heard over the laughing and screaming kids. “This is kind of a pickle. You’re saying I can’t tell these Dark Knights from regular kids and they’ll take over my brain without me knowing. What am I supposed to do?”
She grabbed his hand in both of hers and shook it. “This is why we make contact every day. It restores our magical protection.”
“Sounds like superstition to me,” Billbert said. “Do you avoid black cats?”
“No,” Sabrina said, sounding annoyed. “I have a black cat.”
SERENDIPIDY
Where’s Ethel?
Where do you think? You know the expression, ‘out of sight, out of mind’? Well, with Ethel, it’s more a case of ‘out of earshot, out of mind’.
Trust me, if you had to put up with her racket, you’d lock her in the cellar too, and if there’s one thing you can grow tired of really quickly, it’s screaming kids.
And, when it comes to screaming, nobody can do it longer, louder or more constantly than Ethel.
Although, the thought did occur to me, the screaming might have something to do with being locked in the cellar!
RICHARD
Pack it in
Tie and toothpaste: Two items I always forget to pack when I’m away on business trips.
You may not think that’s a big deal, but in my line of work, it’s all about that vital first impression, and turning up to a client with fuzzy teeth, bad breath, and tie-less, is just not going to cut it.
This time, I’m not taking chances.
There’s a note on the bathroom mirror, another on the wardrobe, and a reminder on my phone.
Success, at last: I remembered to pack both my tie and the toothpaste.
In the suitcase, I left at home!
TURA
A story of those long-ago days before the phonograph, when we made our own entertainment.
———
When I was a boy, concertinas were regular events in provincial drawing rooms: “little concerts” of orchestral works arranged for a small ensemble.
Like everyone, our household had a piano, and our guests brought violins, cellos, and perhaps a flute or oboe. The high point for me was Aunt Ethel singing “Come into the garden, Maud”, accompanying herself on the harp. She was rather younger than her sister, my mother, and as I grew older I adored her, perhaps a little too much, for at some point she stopped coming. “Where’s Auntie Ethel?” I asked, but no-one would tell me.
LIZZIE
Screaming kids running throughout the house, trying to escape the evil toothbrush with that medicinal toothpaste from hell that tasted horribly. This is how I remember Aunt Ethel. She was relentless, always trying to brush everyone’s teeth.
One day, she couldn’t find any of us (we were hiding) and she walked outside, toothbrush in one hand and the damned toothpaste in the other, armed for a battle only she and us kids understood. But she just left, walked away and left.
That’s why we all became dentists. Secretly, we hoped she’d come back to realize she now had an army.
LISA
ping Mum
Monday, we’d overslept and were squeezed into the bathroom, all trying to get to the toothpaste at the same time. I’m not sure how I heard my phone over the screaming kids.
“Ethel’s gone AWOL again”
It was Dad with his usual to the point telephone manner. I said not to worry and that I’d try and nip over after the school run. Ethel was there though, pacing at the school gates, she’d wet herself.
“I’m waiting for me Mam” She told us and I ushered the kids into school not wanting to explain about Grandma to them just yet.
PLANET Z
Laurence Simon
Sun, Jul 31, 9:02 PM (7 days ago)
to me
My roommate and I like to play Where’s Ethel?
Ethel is my pet ferret, and she likes to hide in strange places.
Laundry baskets, pots and pans.
The coffee pot.
And the microwave.
We run around the house, looking for Ethel.
Sometimes, I find her.
Other times, my roommate finds her.
Then, there was the time when we smelled burned fur coming from the ventilation.
Ethel had crawled into a duct and ended up in the furnace.
We call that round a tie and went to the pet store for another ferret.
And tightened down the vent covers more securely.