RICHARD
“Well, I think I’m more than qualified, and I tick all the boxes for your requirements.”
I smiled at each of the members of the interview panel, in my most disarming fashion, then followed it up with…
“Of course, the big question is, can you afford me?”
The chairman frowned, then smiled back broadly.
“Son, I like you. You’re arrogant, self-assured and you seem to have balls of steel. Exactly the sort of person we need in this company.”
I leaned back in my chair, a smug grin on my face.
“However, you’re right… We can’t afford you. Sorry!”
TOM
The River was Wide
Vast and turbulent the river ran the length of the valley floor. Gunter nudged the horse forward. The horse was having none of it. He had hope to cut the journey in half, but that was becoming apparently not an option. A scrawl on scrap parchment marked a long abandon crossing. It was said that was where Saint Martin of the Lake had led the children of the corn to safety after the Huns had swept through the valley. Gunter came in sight of the crossing at dusk. It was not every sturdy but all the same it was a ford.
SERENDIPIDY
Over the years, I’ve learned that – no matter how much I demand – somehow, parents are always able to come up with the asking price, whether they can afford it, or not.
Sometimes, it takes a severed finger, or an ear in the post to convince them, but I’ve never failed to collect.
I’m not greedy though. Mainly because large quantities of cash are difficult to launder. I reckon 25k for a child is pretty reasonable, and nobody seems to struggle raising the cash.
This time though, for triplets, it’s going to cost you dear.
And I don’t do bulk discounts.
LIZZIE
Time. Definitely a luxury not everyone can afford. To plan a trip by train. How enchanting and mysterious! To pack your clothes neatly in a nice vintage bag. To catch a cab to the station. To enjoy the ambiance of that Victorian style. To slowly make your way to the train. To look at the station clock, 10:52. Eight precious minutes. The man was found while she was walking out of the station, a neat little bullet hole on his forehead. When the cops asked her why she had packed a bag, she replied “Because I am a professional!”
NORVAL JOE
As the van sped away, the officer turned back to the teenagers. “You six are under arrest.”
In an instant, the teenagers ran off in six different directions. Taking advantage of the distraction, Billbert slipped into the forest and hid behind a large rhododendron.
The cop stomped around in circles, shouting, “I can’t afford to waist my time.” He ran into the forest toward the Withybottom’s mansion.
Billbert followed slowly, until he heard the police car race away.
Stepping from the trees, Billbert looked up at the mansion and asked, “How can a carpet salesman own such a big house?”
PLANET Z
The headlines say:
Inflation is out of control.
Nobody can afford anything anymore.
Gas, rent, food.
College and health care, too.
Those are way too expensive for anyone to afford.
And yet, I see people driving around and buying things.
It must be my imagination then.
I’m imagining people driving around and buying things.
And when I drive around buying things, I’m imagining myself, too.
Nothing is real anymore.
So I drive home, turn on the television.
College football is on.
Packed stadiums full of people eating and drinking.
Watching so-called student athletes beating the crap out of each other.