LIZZIE
As we part our ways, my dear, I hold precious memories in my heart. We walked along the bridges, watching the gondolas slide by. You were so smitten by the elegant colors that you ate that azalea. I didn’t even have to tell you to. And then the green fairy. What a lovely shade of green, you said. I’ll never forget you, my dear. I’ll take your heart with me. And he opened his suitcase to take a quick look before the train departed. Yes, her heart was still there. Squashing it inside that damn bottle had been a struggle.
RICHARD
Problem solved
“Be part of the problem, not the solution!”
Simmonds, sitting opposite me caught my eye, and it was all I could do to stop myself bursting out laughing.
Old man Jeffries may be a good manager, but lately he’d begun losing the plot.
Simmonds politely raised his hand, “Surely we should be part of the solution?”
Jeffries glared at him, “That’s what I just said! Pay attention! Now, where was I?”
“Solutions?” I prompted, helpfully.
“Yes, precisely! Without solutions. We’d have no problems, and then where would we be?”
Eventually, they fired Jeffries.
The easiest solution to our biggest problem.
SERENDIPIDY
Til death do us part was never going to be good enough for me.
As far as I’m concerned, love never ends: It transcends mortality and human frailty, persisting beyond the grave.
So, when hubby died, there was absolutely no question of burial or cremation; there’s no way I could possibly be parted from his mortal remains. I had him pickled and I keep him in a glass capsule next to my bed.
Sometimes, when I need to feel him close, I decant his body, wrap my arms around him, and make mad, passionate love to him, all night long.
NORVAL JOE
Mr. Withybottom waved toward his Lincoln town car. “Okay, you two. Hop in. Linny you can stay home.”
Linoliumanda scowled as if deciding whether or not to defy her father was hurting her head.
She eventually followed Billbert and Sabrina. “If something is going to happen on this drive, I want to be part of it.”
Her father laughed nervously. “Nothing’s going to happen, honey girl. I just want to encourage these two crazy people to get out of your life. You know. Part ways with you.”
“That’s what I thought might happen,” Linoliumanda said following Billbert into the car.
PLANET Z
Her name was April, she was Miss November, and of course she married the old man for his money.
“Til death do we part.” was a challenge.
Her lover, his lawyer, had the new will written up.
She got a quarter, his two kids got a quarter, and the lawyer got the rest as a fee.
Despite her best efforts, the geezer kept going for eight months.
When the time came for the reading of the will, a stranger handed her and the two kids a shiny new quarter.
And the lawyer (and the rest of the money) were gone.