- Lizzie
- Richard
- Lisa
- Serendipidy
- Tom
- Tura
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
The next topic is The lion that ate cherries
RICHARD
Uncle Derek
Uncle Derek came to a rather unfortunate and grisly end: eaten by lions in the heart of Africa.
At least, that’s what we were told as kids. The reality turned out to be somewhat more prosaic.
Uncle Derek was actually in prison, doing a fifteen year stretch for drug dealing, following a raid at his local pub, ‘The Heart of Africa’.
Our parents didn’t want us to grow up with the stigma of his misdeeds, so they made up the lion story.
Which makes me wonder if Aunt Ethel really was abducted by aliens, like they always told us happened.
SERENDIPIDY
What would you rather?
To be torn apart by sharks, or eaten by lions?
It’s a serious question -enquiring minds need to know.
How about being flayed alive, or burned at the stake? What’s your preference?
Boiled in oil, or incarcerated in concrete?
I know you’re thinking none are particularly pleasant ways to die, and you’d rather not choose.
Which is just as well, really, since it’ll be me deciding anyway.
And, frankly, I’ve no time for any of that nonsense.
Too complicated and messy.
It’s a simple, single bullet to the temple for you.
You’ll be just as dead.
TOM
I’ll be carrying a copy of war and peace under my left arm
Arthur bemoaned the fact the best code phrases and mission ops had been used up. It was a lot like the lack respect you would get for Hurricane Lulu in spite of her 250 mph winds. Gone was the eagle has landed, or Operation Desert Storm. Even that meeting next to the Brandenburg gate with that wraithy thin east German lass who insisted on using: In winter the snow is deep. Eat by Lion, come on what kind of secret code is that. I was pretty much at that moment he saw the large cat. Eyes above the square smiled.
838 – Every good intention
No good deed is left unpunished is a wristed phrasing by my name’s sake Thomas Aquinas who wrote in Summa Theologica: For as punishment is to the evil act, so is reward to a good act. Now no evil deed is unpunished, by God the just judge. Therefore, no good deed is unrewarded, and so every good deed merits some good. My favorite is Jan-Michel Vincent. in August 1996, He sustained a permanent injury to his vocal cords from an emergency medical procedure after an automobile accident. It left him with a permanently raspy voice. So he sued the EMTS
LIZZIE
He grabbed the book Eaten by Lions. The book was in the secret room.
Gladiators, hungry lions. Boring. On top of it all, the blasted book weighed a ton.
One day, two days, and his hair turned gray.
Three days, four days, and he looked like a 90 year old man.
The book changed too. It looked less dusty, less moldy.
And he couldn’t remember a single word.
But why did his master want him to read that book?
When he exited the tower, he understood why.
His 90-year old master looked much younger.
Eaten, but definitely not by lions.
TURA
Eaten by Lions
———
It was a long, hot drive to my daughter’s commune, deep in the savannah. Her invitation had surprised me after our estrangement over her fanatical veganism, but I had to see her.
We walked out together, and I was reassured to see them managing the place competently, an oasis amid the scrub and acacia.
While pondering our unspoken issue, I suddenly realised she wasn’t at my side. In the distance she screamed “Die carnivore!” I made for the compound, but found the gate locked, the walls unclimbable.
Night fell. Soon, I heard the distant growl of a lion. Then, more.
NORVAL JOE
Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Of course you know that song. Everyone knows The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”
Linoiumanda shook her head, closed her eyes, and sighed, trying to maintain her patience. When she stumbled over a clump of weeds, she opened her eyes and scowled at Sabrina. “I know that song in the original Swahili language and it tells of an entire village of people eaten by lions.”
Sabrina scoffed.
As they reached the cabin, Buhmilda said, “She’s right Sabrina. Much of our magic is tied to Swahili tradition. And that song, specifically is used in testing babies for magical ability.”
LISA
The Truth is out
Pippa has understandably been living in fear of her police identity being discovered. In the little bit of fitful sleep that she manages she has a recurrent dream about being eaten by lions.
The girls huddle together for warmth. They share stories about fictional worlds. Books and Films seem safer than talking about who will be missing them at home. Some things are too emotional for a semi dark basement in December.
They hear the first door being unlocked. Unsure whether to get excited for food, or fear what might happen.
It’s Pippa he’s come for.
PLANET Z
I was an intern at the zoo for a summer, and I learned a lot about the things that happen behind the scenes.
Cleaning the cages, vet care, guests who do dumb and strange things.
One dumb guy was trying to get a selfie at the lion pit and dropped his camera in.
Instead of calling for help, he tried to go in and get it himself.
We got good video of it on the surveillance cameras.
It’s the highlight of the blooper reel they play at holiday parties at the zoo.
That, and when the slushie machine blew up.
ChatGPT
In the heart of the African savannah, a daring photographer sought the perfect shot. Ignoring warnings, he approached a pride of lions, camera in hand. As he crouched for the ideal angle, the predators stirred. Suddenly, the tranquil scene erupted into chaos. The lions, hungry and provoked, surrounded him. His lens captured the intense stare of the alpha lion before the inevitable unfolded. Nature’s power overwhelmed the audacious photographer, consumed by the wild. The sun dipped below the horizon, leaving only echoes of a foolish quest. In the circle of life, the camera remained, silently documenting the untamed fate he had met.