LISA
Revelation
Another day brings with it another newspaper.
“You’ll never believe it – there’s a serial killer out there.”
She turns the page to show two familiar faces from the police evidence board. The girls the police found murdered before I was taken. I survey the room awaiting the recognition and inevitable horror.
There’s nothing.
“Don’t you recognise them?” I ask incredulously.
Every girl shakes her head.
I look around and realise our man isn’t who I thought he was.
My mind races, do the police know by now?
So. What is he? Is anyone actually looking for him.
I keep quiet.
LIZZIE
You’ll never believe what the crow said. “Crows don’t speak,” someone shouted from the back of the room. He continued to explain. Some listened in silence. Many mocked him. “It’s coming. We need to prepare.” But who was coming? And why? “I don’t know.” A group fled to the mountains. The rest just went home. The next day, a giant shadow covered the town. “Blind, we’re all blind.” This lasted a hundred years. Then, the shadow lifted. When the crow returned, they listened. They worked together. They were prepared. The crow smiled,whispering “No need for a shadow this time.”
RICHARD
Charlie
Hey, listen to this…
You’ll never believe what I saw last night: Charlie out on the town, with a blonde bimbo half his age.
You wouldn’t credit it, would you? Charlie, of all people!
Good luck to him, I say. Can’t help feeling sorry for his Mrs though, at home all alone, while he’s carrying on behind her back. Poor thing.
I left the group to gossip amongst themselves, then sent a text to Charlies’ daughter: ‘Take your dad down the pub again tonight.’
That would leave the whole evening free for me and his Mrs to have fun again.
SERENDIPIDY
You’ll never believe the pain I can inflict upon you.
Just imagine how it feels to have your finger and toenails slowly peeled off, or to have acid pumped into every orifice.
Or maybe I’ll stick matches in your eyes, then set them aflame?
And that’s just for starters.
I want you to know exactly what lies in store for you if you dare to try that with me ever again!
Some things you just don’t do.
So, be a dear… make me another cup of coffee, and this time – if you know what’s good for you – only one sugar!
NORVAL JOE
A swat agent approached Billbert. He shook his head grimly. “You’ll never believe we have a teenage shooter in our county. How many mass shootings have we had in America this year already? What is this country coming to?”
He looked at one of his men and nodded to Billbert. “Cuff him.”
“It wasn’t me.” Billbert struggled to point as the driver disappeared into the trees. “It was that guy.”
Seeing no one where Billbert indicated, the officer said, “We’ll hear your story when we get you downtown.”
They dragged Billbert past the car wreck to a waiting squad car.
TOM
933
You’ll never believe it, but I just meet the Pope at the Venetian. He was playing craps in one of the far back rooms. Had a bunch of holy see guys with him. Sure, they were all in some form of disguise. Lot of bad facial hair. Sided burns out of the 50s. God damn Mullets. Pope in front party in back. Sure, I know the news said he was in hospital, but I’m tell you it was the pope. He even had me blow on his dices. What was the tip-off. No one wears red Pradas like his holiness.
850
Concertinas and Pacing
Of late my favorite classic piece of music is libertango by Astor Piazzolla. It is the music currently playing in the background. Very Latin in flavor. There are dozens of videos on the net with Concertinas soaring at blistering pacing. Some include demolition Tango dancers. This is not father’s accordion. Actually, the key pattern is different. Concertinas have keys operating parallel to the bellows travel and accordions have keys operating perpendicular to the bellows travel. Concertinas feature buttons at both ends of the instrument whereas accordion buttons are on the front. I wonder if Weird Al has recorded a version?
PLANET Z
I try not to eat too late these days.
Best to let food settle for three or four hours before laying down or sleeping.
It makes naps difficult. Impossible.
And if dinner slides a bit later, well, best to have a light salad or soup earlier and then reschedule.
Otherwise, it’s a dessert of antacids.
And certainly not any coffee or anything harsh on the stomach.
Too many times, and you can kiss sleep goodbye.
Can you call in sick? Good.
Check for a series to stream, bundle up, and keep yourself awake a bit until the food goes down.
CHATGPT
“You’ll never believe it,” Bob exclaimed, his eyes wide with excitement as he burst into the room. “I just trained my goldfish to play poker!”
His friends exchanged skeptical glances. “Bob, you’ve lost it,” Sarah chuckled.
But Bob was undeterred. He proudly displayed his aquatic card sharks, each goldfish sporting a tiny poker visor and a serious expression. As they dealt the cards, one fish even blew a bubble confidently.
“See? He’s bluffing!” Bob pointed, but the others erupted into laughter.
“Congratulations, Bob,” Sarah said, patting his shoulder. “You’ve officially reached the deep end of insanity.”