- Lewie
- Lizzie
- Richard
- Tom
- Lizzie
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
The next topic is Broken light bulb
LEWIE
The hobo clown, Doc, swiped the oversized, sharp scissors from a white-faced clown, Tippy.
Doc then ran in circles and stepped backwards.
Tippy fell over, landing on his big red nose.
Children laughed at the spectacle.
An auguste clown, Mollywolly, shouted “STOP!” The clowns froze in mid-step.
“No running with scissors!”
The clowns ran in slow motion.
This time, Doc fell down.
He sat up and cried.
“Did you hurt yourself?” Mollywolly asked?
Doc shook his head violently, yes.
“I warned you! You can’t run in slow motion either.”
Clown paramedics came, shrugged, and carried him away in a cot.
LIZZIE
She decorated the scissors with a tussle. Sharp but innocent-looking. Don’t forget the… and she looked out the window. The sun was so beautiful. The birds were chirping. Are you listening? She wasn’t. Don’t forget the pack of sticky note pads of all possible sizes. One hundred of them. And don’t forget to bring them in different… Colors, yes. Annoying… They would have sticky notes all over the place with sticky messages packed with stupidity. The scissors came in handy when it was time to get rid of the sticky problem… It was messy, but it was worth it.
LISA
Interview with Dr Andrea Brookes
I ask about the famous cutting skills that her fellow surgeons once envied. She dismisses praise and mutters about practice, not just in the hospital. We share some memories. There’s a lot of talk of scissors.
She mentions a dressmaking grandma and her pinking shears: zigzag cut so the fabric didn’t need a seam. She tells me how she likes really sharp little scissors and that flesh doesn’t fray.
Andrea stays in her cell for the interview. She doesn’t share it. I was hoping for more answers but visiting time is over before I find out where the bodies are.
SERENDIPIDY
Sharp mind.
Sharp wits.
Sharp tongue.
Sharp words.
The perfect recipe for cutting remarks.
There’s nothing quite like destroying your victims mentally before you commence the real work of finishing them off, and the best method I find is a verbal character assassination.
I like to keep the tools of my trade nice and sharp too: Knives, saw blades, axes, all sorts of bladed articles.
I really shouldn’t have to explain the reason for that -it’s pretty obvious.
Not my scissors though.
I don’t possess any sharp scissors at all, just very blunt ones.
They hurt a whole lot more!
TOM
Tools of the Trade
If you have lived in Chicago the likelihood one of your earliest memories will be about a basement. Mine is my Grandfather Marquette’s, for he had a fully operational barbershop. Chair, mirrors front and back. Leather strap. An assortment of electric clippers from different decades. But the shiny-est object on a glass shelf was a set of German scissors. He kept these razor-sharp scissors in a black velvet case. I once made the mistake of handling the one. To is day there is thin white line which runs across the middle of palm. The sharper the lesson the greater the wisdom.
NORVAL JOE
Mrs. Weinerheimer could have been a pair of sharp scissors when she said, “Enough chitchat. Get up to bed.”
She led the way out of the kitchen. Billbert followed, with Sabrina right behind.
Mandi said, “Sabrina. Wait. Can I talk to you for a second?”
“What do you want, Lindi Mindi?” Sabrina said with her typical snark, turning to face her.
Mandi raised the magnifying glass and looked at Sabrina through it.
Sabrina appeared in the glass, frozen with a condescending sneer on her face.
Mandi quickly shoved the magnifying glass under her shirt to avoid accidentally setting Sabrina free.
PLANET Z
Arthur owns the sharpest scissors in existence.
They can cut through the fabric of spacetime.
Gravitational waves, fluctuating with every snip.
The universe bends and twists, light flickers all around.
Arthur ties off the loose ends, dusts off his hands, and puts the scissors away.
Usually, the universe seals itself up and heals over.
But this time, Arthur’s nicked some dark matter.
A singularity leans out, and devours Arthur’s sewing room, house, and neighborhood.
Over the next few hours, the Earth collapses into a miniscule dot.
The scissors have a warranty for this, but nobody’s left to collect on it.