- Lizzie
- Richard
- Lewie
- Serendipidy
- Norval Joe
- Planet Z
The next topic is Family portrait
RICHARD
The House Sitter
“It’s just a dead plant. Look, when you asked me to house sit, I thought you just wanted me to keep an eye on the place. You should have made it clear you expected me to do other stuff too, like watering your precious plants!”
“Oh, it was precious? Seriously, how much? For a silly miniature tree? You must be crazy!”
“No, don’t go giving me the cold shoulder. I was good enough to step in at short notice; don’t take me to task over this.”
“What do you mean, did I at least feed the cat properly?”
“What cat?”
LEWIE
Title: Craigslist Said It Was Healthy
“Take care of Jarold. He’s a bit troublesome in the mornings,” my manager said, feverishly preparing for his vacation.
Jarold… was a ficus.
Jarold was dead on arrival.
Panic set in. I scrolled the marketplace and found an ad.
We met in a questionable alley downtown.
The woman rummaged through her truck, hair brushing over junk, and handed me a torpid plant.
“This one matches your aura”.
I couldn’t shoulder the guilt. It was eating me alive.
By the time my manager returned, he paused, surprised.
“Keep the plant”, he said, “Jarold seems to like you.”
Jarold Jr. is thriving.
LIZZIE
The new dead plant in the garden of dead plants was rather cheeky, bragging about being the deadliest dead plant around. The other dead plants chuckled. A fever of hatred ensued. The deadliest dead plant…. Who cares? She’s dead. The new dead plant vowed to kill them all. The problem was that they were already dead. That’s when she came up with a plan. Fertilizer! She summoned the wind. The fertilizer flew from the ripped bag, and the dead plants, horrified, began to sprout again. “Happy to be alive? That is a kind of death, isn’t it, you silly weeds?”
SERENDIPIDY
He was shivering violently, sweating profusely; groaning in evidently intense pain.
“The fever will pass soon” I reassured him, “and then there will be no more pain, no more anything really. You’ll just slip quietly away.”
I picked up my notebook, jotting down my observations. This was my most successful experiment so far. Who would have thought that a simple, ground-up dead plant could be so viciously toxic?”
I suppose you could consider my experiments somewhat unethical. Why subject people to a painful death, when lab rats would surely suffice?
Simple: I’m an animal lover.
And, besides, it’s fun!
NORVAL JOE
Billbert stared at the ring Mandi had placed on his finger and then watched as she placed one on her own.
His head suddenly burned with fever and his thoughts became vague and torpid. His vision went bright white and he collapsed backward onto her bed.
Billbert felt a sharp pain on his cheek and then again. He opened his eyes to see Mandi leaning over him. Her lips moved frantically but he couldn’t hear what she said.
When his hearing returned, Mandi said and showed him her finger, “These are my grandparent’s rings. I think you are mine, now.”
PLANET Z
Ned Pearson was apprentice to Wordmaster Bunson last fall. The old man spent his time in a wheelchair and he was nearly deaf and completely blind. He would think of stories and Ned would write them down. Repeat that back to me, said Bunson. And Ned would read off what Bunson had said. Bunson would think for a moment and he would either have Ned cross out that line and replace it or he would continue with his story. Sometimes, Bunson would have Ned go back and read everything. Thank you, Ned. said Bunson. Perfectly done. Ned said you’re welcome.