- Richard
- Lizzie
- Lisa
- Norval Joe
- Serendipidy
- Tom
- Planet Z
The next topic is Brain surgery
RICHARD
Home Run
‘Honey, I’m home!’
He looked at her; she looked at me; I looked at him; he looked at me in surprise.
‘And, who the hell is this?’
‘Oh, this is that guy from the office. The one I was telling you about. You remember? The ‘porn star’’
The ground still resolutely refused to open up beneath me. Having no other option, I gave smiled weakly.
‘Hi.’
‘He doesn’t look like a porn star’ he thundered, striding down the hallway.
Seizing my chance, I made a break for it, sliding past him on my knees, reaching for the door, and freedom!
LIZZIE
Step into my office, my lovely. Join us, join us… join us… join… The words lulled her mind. His voice softer and softer, almost a whisper. His office was the table by the window at the local diner. Somehow, he had found the most remote community in the middle of the desert. Nothing but dust and lizards. Oh, and the things too, a half-breed of zombified entities the aliens had left behind. They are lizards, he said, right before the lulling echo. She protested. Lizards or zombies? The last thing she heard was… we have died and so will you.
LISA
WFH
Things have changed since covid. I used to have a long commute: taxi, train and a bit of a walk to get to work; now some days I don’t even get up from my bed.
In the office I wore a suit. My home’s a warm place and I run hot so I tend to work in just my underwear. Working from home has made me a lot more efficient: long meetings I sit on the toilet and just make sure my microphone’s muted.
My boss rang and asked if I’d start coming into work again. He’s worried about productivity.
NORVAL JOE
“What’s going on?” Billbert asked.
“Joan,” his father shouted, pacing around the room. “I was at the office when central command called. They need your mother in DC right away.”
Mrs. Weinerheimer hurried into the room, Sabrina right behind.
“Good. Joan,” his father said. “We have a flight to Sacramento at 8 am. They said to pack for an extended stay.”
Billbert looked at the Speedway tickets on the end table. “What about the NASCAR race on Saturday. We have to be there.”
“Sorry, Billbert,” his dad shook his head. “That will have to wait. This is of national importance.”
SERENDIPIDY
I always fancied having a big office.
You know the sort: ornate mahogany desk, and an expensive tooled leather chair, in front of a large window with views across the city, silhouetting me nicely.
And not forgetting the big red button under the desk.
The one that flips open the trapdoor and drops you into the shark tank below.
Ah well, one can dream.
The reality is a cubicle under flickering fluorescent lights and a frayed old swivel chair with a wobbly castor.
No big red button.
No trap door.
No shark tank.
This job will still kill you though.
TOM
Bitter as an empty glass 2
The office door of the Wavery swung wide. Jordan Stein exited with $5 Havana stogie dropping ash of the stage floor. “Where’s god damn choir line?” I pipe up there are on break, remember the union? “Let the union pound sand. I got a show to run. Let’s see some legs flying. I says I’ll check in the alley. In those days everyone smoked, and dancers where no exception. Mary had bummed a fag off Jimmy the understudy. The rim light from the alley gave her a merle oberon glow. “Showtime kids, breaks over.” Mary tossed her cigarette over her shoulder.
PLANET Z
People ask me what the grim reaper carried before farming implements were invented. And I guess it all depends on whether the site was invented before or after the ox plow. Although considering how slow oxen are when plowing, you could get a fair bit of distance between you and them if you saw them coming. And before that, the guy in the robe was smacking people with tree branches or bashing them with rocks. Which wasn’t all that convenient when there weren’t any trees or rocks around. So he’d just punched the Neanderthal really hard. Get the job done.