Freddie Mercury sang about a crazy little thing called love.
The crazy little thing in my life is my midget cousin Edith.
Yes, despite her madness we love her, but we also keep her locked in the basement.
However, every so often, she manages to get out, slipping past my wife as she brings up the laundry or stacking boxes to bust out through a storm window.
This is why we keep the cutlery on high shelves or in drawers with locks.
As for the firearms, well, that gun cabinet is kept locked.
Right?
What? It’s open?
Oh my God!