Weekly Challenge #275 – Armadillo

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.

This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Seventy-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was Armadillo

How about voting for your favorites?

Gideon
Thomas
Tom
Danny
Zackmann
Daniel
TJ
Norval Joe
Relish
Planet Z

And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.

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Gideon

This morning we chatted and planned our evening together.

“Let’s make it a romantic evening tonight. We’ll start with a nice dinner.
I found a recipe that should be fun. Could you stop by the market and get some armadillo?”

She agreed and we started our day.

She was late.

“Sorry, it took me awhile to find what you asked for”, she said.

I didn’t see any shopping bags with her.

“Where’s the meat?”, I said.

“What meat? You only asked for this”, she said, as she reached into her purse and pulled out her favorite vibrator.

Wrapped in Kevlar.

Thomas

Petro, the armadillo, lost his mate to a man in Peru. He used her strong, round back to make a lute. Petro escaped death by burrowing into the soil and deep into his den. Petro vowed to get revenge. He found his way to the musician’s adobe. He waited until the man left his home and then he dug a deep hole in the dirt floor and covered it with straw and a light covering of soil. When the man stepped on the trap inside his front door, he fell and broke the arms that held and played the lute.

Tom

FlyPaper Boy picked a few Mediterranean Fruits off his forearm “Curse you
Jerry Brown,” he spat. It was the millionth death of his father that had
set young FB on his quest to rid the world of politician. From his cell
FlyPaper Boy spied the tip of that boot that belong to one man and one man
alone, the greatest legal mind in Texas Armadillo Man. Not merely a mere
moral Armadillo Man had the power to cause the strongest soul to curl up
in ball and cry like a six year old girl.

Danny

Hello! Dod Dammit! My name is Cranky Skeebots McGee! I’m an old coot who lives in the sparse desert of Arizona. When I’m not being beaten by the racist cops in Arizona who mistaken me for being a Mexican Immigrant, I harvest dead Armadillo’s from the side of the road so I can eat some damn good stewed road meat! Then I take the shells of the Armadillo’s to make me some Armadillo Pillows! Sure, it hurts to lay your head upon one at first, but you get used to it. Now I lay me down to sleep, Dod dammit!

Zackmann

Our company is introducing a new car design that is inspired by our friend the armadillo. It has
a lightweight armor for the outer body. Therefore we chose the animal as the mascot. Inspired
by he way Disney had artists study the movement of real animals we sent our artist to the
zoo . When the artist returns from the emergency room his studies will continue outside their
zoo enclosure. Apparently they have really sharp teeth and may be unfriendly, Armadillos not
commercial artists. We need to have our ads done soon because we will have our product
launch at ArmadilloCon.

Daniel

A car sped down the desert highway; its driver failed to see the armadillo directly in its path. Squealing in surprise, the armadillo leapt in the air. Yet instead of splattering against the vehicle’s fender, the armadillo grew to 100 feet in length. The car passed harmlessly underneath it. The armadillo stayed frozen in the air as the video was paused and the lights came on.

The speaker addressed the audience once again. “As you can see, gentlemen, the phenomenon of ‘super powers’ is clearly not limited to humanity, but affects other species of the animal kingdom as well.”

TJ

“So … why the series of wacky disguises?”

Sarah smiled and sipped her Italian soda.

“Please, Marty, you’ve been on my radar for awhile now. Sneaking into
the girls lockerroom, those mysterious trips off campus, and all this
time at the mall not shopping. I knew the Mata Hari bit would get your
attention.”

“And the student i.d.?”

“You want armadillos, put out ants. You’re Catherine trying to attract
Heathcliff, you drop a handkerchief. You’re me trying to attract a spy,
you drop your i.d.”

“So long as you’re not my adoptive sister or something.”

“You’d probably have noticed that.”

Norval Joe

“We’re at his place, Ms. Flinch,” the chauffeur said through a speaker. The voice was familiar to Fly Paper Boy.
Esmerelda took a card from her stuffed armadillo purse. She leaned across the compartment toward the boy. Her eyes half closed, she handed him the card and said huskily, “call me in a few days and we can discuss the finer points of our arrangement.”
As he walked toward his house the chauffeur laughed and said, “good luck kid.”
The boy knew those beady eyes.
“Armadillo man,” he said. “I see Flinch takes favors from both sides of the fence.”

Relish

I had never heard of an Armadillo in my entire life. I blame city living and my lack of caring in school. Yet, there it was in the middle of my one bedroom apartment, a perfect giant Armadillo. At least, that is what the animal control lady told me. “They don’t even live in Pennsylvania. What kind of party did you have here last night?,” she asked, noticing the discarded cans and pizza boxes. “The theme was arm pillows. Arm pillow-Armadillo, easy mistake,” he grimaced. The female agent cuffed him. The Armadillo ate discarded pizza slices and refused to cooperate.

Planet Z

The nine-banded armadillo always gives birth to genetically-identical quadruplets.

After years of research, we isolated the polyembryonic genes and spliced them into other animals.

Sure enough, they produced four genetically-identical young.

Armadillos.

The rats gave birth to armadillos.
The pigs gave birth to armadillos.
The monkeys gave birth to armadillos.

Pretty soon, we were up to our asses in armadillos, scurrying around, burrowing into the trash.

We euthanized all the animal test subjects, closed the lab, and moved to a new city.

Which is good, because there’s better schools in this city.

My wife’s pregnant. The doctor says it’s… quadruplets.