Apple Bobbing

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I love Halloween. It’s the best time of the year.
The candy. The costumes. The cool breeze in the air.
Most of all, I love apple bobbing.
Fill a washtub with water, toss in a few apples, put your hands behind your back, and then try to catch an apple with your mouth.
It’s so fun!
Ever tried other fruits?
Bananas are way too easy.
Watermelons are just too big.
No, it’s best to stick to apples.
I know one guy who likes to bob for lobsters, but that’s taking “choose your lobster from the tank” a little too far.

The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #88

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Every man is said to have his peculiar ambition.
No visitor to the White House left without being asked of their ambition by Abraham Lincoln.
He thought he’d heard them all, until one child said he wanted to be an astronaut.
“What’s that?” asked Abe.
“I want to explore space!” said the child.
“That’s very peculiar,” said Abe. “How will you get there?”
“With a ladder,” said the child.
Abe put the child to work lighting gas lamps and changing candles.
“How’s space today?” he’d ask and laugh.
The child cried and scraped a candle nub out of the chandelier.

Weekly Challenge #130 – And then you put it in the blender…

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Thirty where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was And then you put it in the blender….
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #130?
Fricker Fracker from http://www.thefrickerfrequency.com
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Mike
Wilma
Nika from http://www.nikadreamscape.wordpress.com
Keeme from http://darpodcast.wordpress.com
Guy from http://guydavid.com
Philip
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com
Justin from http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
Steve from http://ideatrash.blogspot.com
Almo
Brad from http://inventors.about.com/library/inventors/blblender.htm
Jeff from http://GreatHites.blogspot.com
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Fricker

Back in 1868, Jose and myself were about to rob the 801 coming out of
Barstow. It was hot and dry day and we were getting mighty thirsty. The 801
was late as usual and all we had to drink was tequila, We were getting drunk
on all that harsh tequila until Jose informed us that he was from the future
and pulled out this fancy thing called a blender and he had an automatic ice
machine.
He sliced up some limes and put it all in this futuristic contraption and
then he gives us this juice. He called it.. the Margarita!
I’m glad that Jose Cuervo was a friend of mine

Anima

Is that a Terran artifact?
Yes, an ancient torture book I think…
This Fannie Farmer was a cruel Enforcer…
No mercy for dissidents… listen…
Beat the whites until frothy…
Quarter the chicken, cutting along the backbone…
Grill over low flame, until skin is crisp…
Or this…
Take the fruits, put them in the blender, pulse until smooth…
Can you imagine the mess?
If that’s the treatment for proclivities, I wonder what Farmer did to anarchists?
Life is more civilized now…
If there is weakness in the gene pool, it’s eliminated before emergence from the test tube.
Homogeny equals peace, brother.

Mike

No standard diet products had worked, and all were expensive. Then he’d caught the end of that infomercial promising amazing results using simple veggies and water; before the theme music had ended, he’d placed his order. When the instructions and blender arrived, he couldn’t wait to try it.
Now, he looked at the booklet in disgust. He had spent thirty minutes cubing ten carrots and cucumbers. He read the last sentence again: “Then you put it in the blender. This recipe depends on fresh veggies; ensure you have enough for each batch.”
The blender made quick work of the booklet.

Wilma

Everybody must have at least two doses of nonsense with one serving of silly each day. To get your daily dose slowly skip into the kitchen, while tempting a thought tornado to twist. Let visions of chickens in pink, polka dot underwear yelling, “I’m free!” dance across your mind’s screen. For pizzaz toss in a chartreuse platypus singing “Higgely, Wiggely Aye. Where’s my opera pie?” And let these pictures, songs and scents whizz together into a marvelous mind mousse. Then tilt your head and let the mousse slide out of your ear and into the blender. Add ice and puree.

Nika

Eyes closed. She was dreaming.
She was sitting on the edge of the kitchen counter. Perched there with the backs of her heels drumming gently against the cupboard doors. They were talking.
He dumped a handful of raspberries into the blender and switched it on high, before casting a crooked grin her way. Her nose crinkled in distaste as she watched the mixture churning together. He was saying something to her. But the words slipped away like smoke before she could quite hear. Nightfall was once again approaching, pulling her from the deep sleep.
Her eyes opened. She was alone.

Keeme

Edie, a forgiving woman, had been married to “Chef” for years. She caught him cheating again and made a deal, allowing “desserts”.
[In walks a redhead; Chef’s favorite]
“Hi, I’m Mary”
[A brief tour, then the kitchen].
Edie “you’ll be making lobster with crab-dip stuffing”.
[Hands Mary Chef’s recipe]
“When it’s done you can…”
[Mary, confused, interrupts]
“I’m here for a patient”
“I know, follow me”.
[Horrified, Mary stares]
“He must be fed and cared for by a nurse. Take his meal, then you put it in the blender”
A faceless man, alone, unable to taste his favorite dishes anymore.

Guy

Chaketo Chirapa was stuck at the airport. His plane was cancelled,
and there wasn’t another one until tomorrow. He avoided The Humans
and stayed hidden under his cloaking device, catching fragments of
Human speech.
– Had to send it beck…
– Is she really going out with that guy? Is she crazy?…
– Then you put it in the blender…
– I don’t think you should be telling her that…
– Then, I turned her into a frog…
As he listened more and more, he was less and less sure of his way.
Should he really try to gain the trust of those strange Humans?

Philip

When he entered the dimly lit store the clerk was a statue; his ancient skin, pale grey as cement; chin on chest in apparent slumber.
The clerk hadn’t moved when the young man passed him and ambled down the aisle to the frozen food.
A voice started him from his stasis, ” …then you put it in the blender…”, and it trailed off down the aisle to his right.
He turned to the direction of the receding voice and in his minds’ eye, followed it to the door, where it left him behind.
“Take me!” he screamed, but without sound.

Tom

Laura was concerned about her kitten Ralph. He had been left outside in the rain and he was drenched to the bone. Carefully she wrap him in a towel and popped him into the micro wave. After a few minutes Laura thought Ralph’s fur looked a bit matting so she set the hair dry on high and ran it over the cat for a bit. Not totally pleased with the outcome a tiny voice within said “Then you put it in the blender…” Thank God for Mom who finally rescued Ralph from baby Laura and thank God for Fisher – Price Appliances.

Justin

Should I try selling the blender, or the lighters? No ashtrays, blender.
Yes?
Hello ma’am! Can I interest you in a state of the art blender?
Come in! Show me in the kitchen.
She opened the kitchen door and I set up my presentation on the island. The old woman seemed nice. I don’t take advantage, mind you.
So, this blender can cut through… blend this newt, bat wings, and octopus eye? Wait a minute!
I tossed the lighters in the blender, hit On, slammed the door behind me, and dove out the front door.
I hate selling in Salem.

Steven

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. The guests praise the drinks, my
bartending skills. It is part of why Vinnie’s parties are popular.
I used to be the bad child, “not gonna amount to nothing”; a stark
contrast to my sister’s channeled angel… until Vinnie took me in. A
foot soldier, then lieutenant, now barkeep and “cleaner”. I’d
straightened up even as gambling devoured my sister’s bank account,
house, marriage. Her debts got out of hand. Her assets
were…liquidated.
“Howdja get your Bloody Marys so good?” a mobster calls at me.
“Family secret,” I say, heading towards the kitchen.

Almo

The photo showed two people completely in love. You could tell from her eyes and her smile.
Roger put the picture in a stack with the others, next to his cell phone. He had just called her in the middle of the night to hear her voice. It was their first time apart. A man had answered; Roger hung up when he heard the sleepy feminine voice in the background.
He straightened the stack and then put it into the blender. He switched it on, then blindly switched off the phone with the wrong number still backlit on the screen.

Brad Z

“It’s simple.” Fred’s boss had explained, “Put them in the Blender. Check the restraints. The blue button engages the restraints. The yellow button unlocks the braking mechanism. The green button starts the Blender up and finally the red button will stop the the Blender when the time is up. It’s not that hard”
Fred’s boss wasn’t pleased with him at all. This was the second time he had forgotten to engage the restraints. That was very bad for business. Cleanup and body disposal took an hour.
Still, they waited in line. It was more exciting than the Tilt-A-Whirl.

Jeff

Hello
Seti Inbox message:
Hello Seti user 91b235f59a396d54g0c5f27cd5b8d168
We are very amused by your search for us. We are touched by the fact that you care so much, to spend your time looking for us, but we are not lost. We picked up a map at the Texico station, it has been quite useful. But we are not sure what a NEW JERSEY or TURN PIKE are.
We do appreciate all of the things that you have been sending us, especially the Beagle craft, it was a little tough at first but then we put it in the blender. Once softened up it was Yummy

Planet Z

I bought a couch, table, and blender at that church sale.
The couch reeked of cat piss, the table wobbled and the blender’s motor was dead.
I should have tested it before the party.
The couch and table, thrown out. The blender, I kept. Held a goldfish.
Chicks came by my place, I showed them the fish and pushed a button.
Some laughed, some called me evil and left.
Eighty years since I put that fish in the blender. Goldfish aren’t supposed to live that long.
What are you? I ask it.
No answer. It’s just a fish, right?

Deathface

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The law says three days.
The machines can do five.
With modifications, seven.
That’s how long Spencer wants.
He’s got Deathface. Sunken eyes and cheeks, grey skin, eyebrows gone, raspy breathing.
The law says not to send a Deathface down. Notify the police if one comes to your Coma Center. Or if someone asks for a week.
It can’t be called an accident because the wastebag has to be changed and the
morphine refilled. The inspectors will know.
No, I say. I can do five. Not seven.
Spence left and I never saw him again.
Nobody saw him. Just vanished.

Felver Rate

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The government reports appear on my desk on the third Tuesday every month.
It is my job to inspect them for investment opportunities or legal loopholes.
Every month, a new statistic appears. This month I noticed a label called Felver Rate.
There was no explanation or formula. Just a graph showing a slow decline over time.
Is this a good thing, like unemployment, or is it a bad thing, like graduation rates?
I call the author… Dr. Daniel Felver, but I got a recording.
He’s at a Weight Watchers meeting.
I look at the graph… Those numbers could be pounds.

Roadkill

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Usually, we see dead possums and armadillos by the side of the road, but this was the first time I’ve seen a panda.
Turning it over with my shovel, sure enough, it was a panda.
Big bastard. I couldn’t lift it. So, I had to call for help.
The county cut back to one-man crews a few months back to save on costs.
Instead of jabbering in the truck cab, we jabber over the two-way.
Joe pulled up, and looked at it.
“Can you eat panda?” he asked.
“Let’s find out,” I said, and we loaded it into the truck.

The Cloud Whisperer

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He lays back in a field, guiding the clouds across the sky.
The Cloud Whisperer rules the heavens by sheer willpower.
The clouds are happy to do his bidding. It delights them to float where he asks.
He hardly notices the roar of the crowd around him, the players in their helmets and pads.
This championship needs to be played. the rain needs to stop for just a few hours.
“Please,” he says to the sky.
The clouds shift slowly, rising and thinning.
The game will be played.
“Thank you,” says the mayor. “Now get your clothes back on, Bill.”

Elevator

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The elevator doors open and I step in.
The doors close.
Usually, it’s a smooth ride. And very peaceful.
But I can hear breathing.
Loud, heavy breathing. Raspy. Angry.
I don’t want to look… I watch the numbers.
More breathing.
It’s starting to scare me.
The numbers go up… and up… and up…
The breathing is unbearable.
The elevator stops and the doors open.
I run out of the elevator and watch the doors close, sealing the breathing in once again.
Hopefully, they’ll switch the tape back to the elevator music. This Halloween loop tape is really creeping me out.

The Ducks

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When I was little, we would go to the Volkswagen offices and feed the swans at the pond.
We’d take a lot of white bread to the pond and crumble it up and toss it in the water.
It would float until a swan would swim over to it and gobble it up.
Repeat that for a half an hour, with occasional swans swimming around each other trying to get the bread.
No fights, though. They all worked it out somehow in swan-talk.
My brother and I, though, we fought like hell for the last of the bread to throw.

Weekly Challenge #129 – Light

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Twenty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Cenedra, and we went with Light.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #129?
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Nika from http://diamondrust.mypodcast.com
Philip
Jeffrey from http://greathites.blogspot.com
Steven from http://ideatrash.blogspot.com
Mike
Almo
Eva from http://evamoon.net
Justin from http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
Fricker from http://www.thefrickerfrequency.com
Planet X from http://planetxpodcast.com
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com
Guy David from http://guydavid.com
(Wilma)
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Anima

Ai! Mama, I am afraid!
What is it, hijo?
I saw the chupacabra! That is his shadow on the wall… he is outside!
You saw what? Your grandmother has been telling you
stories…She would have to talk to Abuela about frightening the boy.
I only see your cousin Lupito, coming home late… Go to sleep now, hijo mio.
Can I have a light, mama? The chupacabra might come back….
Just for a while…
Luz knew that soon, she would have to tell her son about the
family history, that there were real monsters, much much more frightening than some
village myth.

Nika

She sat on the hillside, shrouded by the shadows from a cluster of bushes. Gazing out over the city that had been her home for the past two years, the Hollywood sign loomed behind her. The lights of the city sparkled in the darkness, reflecting upward to paint the horizon a rusty shade of red. It had taken her months to resolve her decision on what to do next, but she had decided.
The breeze stirred, awaking her from her reverie as it whispered across her fur. Amber eyes turned upward to find the moon. It was time to leave.

Philip

Grimey black and grey tiles invited him down grocery store ailes of increasing gloom and darkened potential. Shadowed boxes and cans in layered dust offered hidden rewards.
Overhead the yellowed and brown stained palstic filtered the weak florescence, illuminating nothing.
He turned to look back and saw, far off, down a tunnel, or in a dream, a memory: the door.
When had he come in through the door?
Beyond the door was the city with its cars, and people, and places; and life.
Here was dark, an aisle, dust, and the door.
In the door was a window and light.

Tom

Fred woke up in hell. The light was dim but not dark. He looked around and saw this pleasant green glow he remembered from his childhood. His grandma’s round green
nightlight.
“That the devil’s nightlight” said Larry the demon.
“I thought hell was supposed to be full of torments. Why a night light?”
“Oh Heavens, there aren’t any torments here. The light is there so you don’t bump
your knee.”
“What about punishment?”
“Absence of God.”
“Hell that’s you so bad.”
Larry tucked Fred into bed and kissed him good night. Fred remembered just how much
he missed his grandma.

Steven

Harsh morning sunlight woke me in the field. I was beside the
gnawed-on corpse of Vinnie. Bits of shredded clothes and shredded
Vinnie slid off me when I stood up. Damn. Three weeks of undercover
work ruined because I was hungry and couldn’t remember wolfsbane.
I gave Vinnie’s corpse a once-over, not expecting anything left.
Chewed tendon, maybe, but not a… pre-paid cell phone. With an
incoming call on it.
My smile scared the desk cop when he traced the call, when he gave me
a name. Tonight, I will solve the case. Tonight, I will hunt by
moonlight.

Mike

He labored under the heavy burden, almost more than even he could lift, and began the trek home. The sun’s rays beat mercilessly from the cloudless sky, reflecting up at him from the white surface. The heat was intense, but he couldn’t stop. He had a task to complete – others depended on him.
Suddenly, just as pounding vibrations warned of approaching danger, a shadow passed over him and then a light brighter than the sun itself appeared, immobilising, searing him, until –
In the magnifying glass’s focused beam, the ant popped. The boy laughed, then went in search of more prey.

Almo

There is a time when a man has to choose. He sits at the bar, fingers
playing over the mahogany, thinking done. He stares into space for a
moment, reviewing once again the mental calculations, the logical steps, the
intuition that has brought him to this point.
He breathes and holds. He exhales long and hard.
His mind and conscience are clear.
The time for thought has been shoved aside by the time for action.
He glances up at the woman’s expectant face on the other side of the
bar, her body partially hidden by beer taps.
“Light,” he says.

Eva Moon

She noticed it as soon as she got up: she was lighter. Not thinner,
but somehow less affected by gravity. Her feet hardly touched the
carpet as she drifted downstairs. TV Newscasters were grim: global
warming, pollution, the end of the world.
She grew lighter as the day went on. By evening she had to hook her
toes under the edge of the cabinet to stay low enough to cook dinner.
Later, the moon shone bright in the window. She opened it and floated
up into the icy night. Around her countless other shapes were rising.
Spores seeking fertile soil.

Justin

Now dead, I’m not surprised by the tunnel or the light at one end. I am surprised that the light is a zippo. While I didn’t particularly believe in an afterlife until now, I’d seen enough movies to not be too surprised. I am a bit concerned, though. I never listened to anyone when they tried to tell me about God, Jesus loves me, all that stuff. The fact I was shot by cops after murdering has me on edge, too. I’m grabbing the zippo, nothing bad is happening. I guess I’ll travel the tunnel.
“Hey buddy, got a light?”

Fricker

I had a dream last night … a dream of my little girl swinging at the local
playground, laughing, smiling… enjoying life
A dream of her going off to school in cute little pigtails… carrying her
My Little Pony lunch box… enjoying life
A dream of teaching her how to drive and how not to drive like her father.
Being scared out of my wits when I gave her the keys for the first time, but
not showing it.
I awoke from my dream when she turned on the living room light. “Daddy,
it’s time to walk me down the isle.”
She is my light.

Planet X

The forces of light began gathering their troops for the battle against dark ones.
Billy Bob was one of the first to enlist into the legions of light, hoping to be amongst those who would make the assault.
The day Billy Bob was issued his Star Trooper uniform; he was so proud, parading around, showing off the power of it to his family and friends.
He trained day and night to be a Star Trooper of the mighty fleet of starships.
Billy Bob was more than puzzled when he was given his job classification, just what was a “Head” Orderly?

Jeffrey

“MIS, Jeff.”
“Hi Jeff, this is vendor Bill”
“Hi Bill.”
“Jeff, what’s the Joke?”
“Huh?”
“I got your package.”
“Help me out. I didn’t send a package.”
“It has a Polaroid of a computer screen.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Nope!”
“I told you know who to get a screen shot of the error.”
“The one with the typewriter?
“The same.”
“Maybe If the light from the flash didn’t obscure the screen.”

Guy David

Back in their hotel room, Bob was looking at his now drunken Harriet with distaste. She was completely oblivious. Bob sighed. He remembered Mike the hacker’s ass, rising and falling rhythmically above his Harriet, both of them so deep in ecstasy that they didn’t noticed the light in the hallway or the fact that he was standing there, staring at them before he went back out into the street. He looked at that Burroughs book Harriet brought with her. He stared at the apple he just took a bite off. “Let’s play a little game of William Tell” he said.

Wilma

Planet Z

Brother Theodore closes the door to the church and goes from candle to candle, gently snuffing each with a brass implement caked in ancient wax and soot.
“We will not clean it until Christ’s return,” said his predecessor, just as he has taught his own eventual replacement.
“When do I light them?” asked Theodore.
“You don’t,” said the old priest hastily. “They light themselves. And don’t get curious about it. Just… believe.”
Theodore stayed up to watch. Every rector of the church did it. And every rector regretted it afterward, the sight of a smiling demon licking each wick aflame