The 100 Word Stories Podcast

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Lisa
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is The lion that ate cherries

RICHARD

Uncle Derek

Uncle Derek came to a rather unfortunate and grisly end: eaten by lions in the heart of Africa.

At least, that’s what we were told as kids. The reality turned out to be somewhat more prosaic.

Uncle Derek was actually in prison, doing a fifteen year stretch for drug dealing, following a raid at his local pub, ‘The Heart of Africa’.

Our parents didn’t want us to grow up with the stigma of his misdeeds, so they made up the lion story.

Which makes me wonder if Aunt Ethel really was abducted by aliens, like they always told us happened.

SERENDIPIDY

What would you rather?

To be torn apart by sharks, or eaten by lions?

It’s a serious question -enquiring minds need to know.

How about being flayed alive, or burned at the stake? What’s your preference?

Boiled in oil, or incarcerated in concrete?

I know you’re thinking none are particularly pleasant ways to die, and you’d rather not choose.

Which is just as well, really, since it’ll be me deciding anyway.

And, frankly, I’ve no time for any of that nonsense.

Too complicated and messy.

It’s a simple, single bullet to the temple for you.

You’ll be just as dead.

TOM

I’ll be carrying a copy of war and peace under my left arm

Arthur bemoaned the fact the best code phrases and mission ops had been used up. It was a lot like the lack respect you would get for Hurricane Lulu in spite of her 250 mph winds. Gone was the eagle has landed, or Operation Desert Storm. Even that meeting next to the Brandenburg gate with that wraithy thin east German lass who insisted on using: In winter the snow is deep. Eat by Lion, come on what kind of secret code is that. I was pretty much at that moment he saw the large cat. Eyes above the square smiled.

838 – Every good intention

No good deed is left unpunished is a wristed phrasing by my name’s sake Thomas Aquinas who wrote in Summa Theologica: For as punishment is to the evil act, so is reward to a good act. Now no evil deed is unpunished, by God the just judge. Therefore, no good deed is unrewarded, and so every good deed merits some good. My favorite is Jan-Michel Vincent. in August 1996, He sustained a permanent injury to his vocal cords from an emergency medical procedure after an automobile accident. It left him with a permanently raspy voice. So he sued the EMTS

LIZZIE

He grabbed the book Eaten by Lions. The book was in the secret room.
Gladiators, hungry lions. Boring. On top of it all, the blasted book weighed a ton.
One day, two days, and his hair turned gray.
Three days, four days, and he looked like a 90 year old man.
The book changed too. It looked less dusty, less moldy.
And he couldn’t remember a single word.
But why did his master want him to read that book?
When he exited the tower, he understood why.
His 90-year old master looked much younger.
Eaten, but definitely not by lions.

TURA

Eaten by Lions

———

It was a long, hot drive to my daughter’s commune, deep in the savannah. Her invitation had surprised me after our estrangement over her fanatical veganism, but I had to see her.

We walked out together, and I was reassured to see them managing the place competently, an oasis amid the scrub and acacia.

While pondering our unspoken issue, I suddenly realised she wasn’t at my side. In the distance she screamed “Die carnivore!” I made for the compound, but found the gate locked, the walls unclimbable.

Night fell. Soon, I heard the distant growl of a lion. Then, more.

NORVAL JOE

Sabrina rolled her eyes. “Of course you know that song. Everyone knows The Lion Sleeps Tonight.”
Linoiumanda shook her head, closed her eyes, and sighed, trying to maintain her patience. When she stumbled over a clump of weeds, she opened her eyes and scowled at Sabrina. “I know that song in the original Swahili language and it tells of an entire village of people eaten by lions.”
Sabrina scoffed.
As they reached the cabin, Buhmilda said, “She’s right Sabrina. Much of our magic is tied to Swahili tradition. And that song, specifically is used in testing babies for magical ability.”

LISA

The Truth is out

Pippa has understandably been living in fear of her police identity being discovered. In the little bit of fitful sleep that she manages she has a recurrent dream about being eaten by lions.

The girls huddle together for warmth. They share stories about fictional worlds. Books and Films seem safer than talking about who will be missing them at home. Some things are too emotional for a semi dark basement in December.

They hear the first door being unlocked. Unsure whether to get excited for food, or fear what might happen.

It’s Pippa he’s come for.

PLANET Z

I was an intern at the zoo for a summer, and I learned a lot about the things that happen behind the scenes.
Cleaning the cages, vet care, guests who do dumb and strange things.
One dumb guy was trying to get a selfie at the lion pit and dropped his camera in.
Instead of calling for help, he tried to go in and get it himself.
We got good video of it on the surveillance cameras.
It’s the highlight of the blooper reel they play at holiday parties at the zoo.
That, and when the slushie machine blew up.

ChatGPT

In the heart of the African savannah, a daring photographer sought the perfect shot. Ignoring warnings, he approached a pride of lions, camera in hand. As he crouched for the ideal angle, the predators stirred. Suddenly, the tranquil scene erupted into chaos. The lions, hungry and provoked, surrounded him. His lens captured the intense stare of the alpha lion before the inevitable unfolded. Nature’s power overwhelmed the audacious photographer, consumed by the wild. The sun dipped below the horizon, leaving only echoes of a foolish quest. In the circle of life, the camera remained, silently documenting the untamed fate he had met.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Lisa
• Serendipidy
• Tom
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Eaten by lions

RICHARD

At the movies

They say TV is no substitute for movies on the big screen.

But, to be honest, going to the cinema can be a depressing experience.

To begin with, there’s the hassle of parking the car, then you have to queue for tickets, before bankrupting yourself buying popcorn and coke in quantities that could feed a third world country for a week.

Not to mention fighting your way through miserable people already comfortably seated to get to your own seat.

But worst of all, realising the movie is total crap, and you’ve already seen the only good bits in the trailers.

LIZZIE

A pot of tulips. Why hadn’t she tossed it in the garbage when Mr. I-Love-Tulips left her? No, she took it to the trailer, all she could afford now. When enough tulips had bloomed, she cut them all off and sent them to his workplace, with a note. “You forgot these.” Yes, it was petty. Yes, it was vindictive. However, she decided to grow some more tulips and send them to him for his birthday. She was sure he’d be horrified to see tulips without a pot. Dead and all that. Life’s tough. But at least, he would have tulips.

SERENDIPIDY

I was brought up in one of these trailers.

Trash, they called me, and they may have been right, but I really didn’t care.

I filled my days with hard drugs, moonshine and whoring.

Although, to be clear, I did none of that myself. I was more a coordinator and manager; or if you prefer, dealer and pimp.

Eventually, I became a major player, and if not gaining the respect of my community, I certainly commanded their loyalty.

Now I’ve risen to the top of the pile.

I still live in a trailer, although with gold fittings and satin sheets.

LISA

Too Much Information

There’s been false lead after false lead. It’s not just the local community gripped by this case now it’s the whole country. And it seems they all want to help.

The latest wild goose chase gets the force checking trailers at the stud farm. All the leads are checked out but now with one of their own amongst the victims the police seem to be working with a renewed energy.

The papers are quick to point this out too. The chief had wanted it keeping quiet, for obvious reasons, but now our man knows Pippa is on the force too.

TOM

Coming soon to a theater near you.

Bruce had been making trailers for a generation. He started at Warner’s. Moved to Universal. Spent a decade at TriStar. After becoming dissolute with the industrial model. Bruce only took offers from Indie productions. He knew deep history on that subject matter. He would tell you the first trailer was in November 1913 for the musical The Pleasure Seekers Due to trailers initially being shown after, or “trailing”, the feature film, the term “trailer” was used to describe the promotion; despite it coming before, or “previewing”, the film it was promoting. His current project was Mother Teresa: Last Nun Standing.

NORVAL JOE

Billbert rode in the back seat of Buhmilda’s car with the two girls. He assumed Mr. Withybottom had gone home and not followed them through the evergreen covered hills to Grandma Buhmilda’s log cabin. She parked her car in a big red barn across a meadow from the cabin. Around the meadow, a half circle of rusty old travel trailers were evenly spaced between the cabin and barn.
As Buhmilda lead the kids back to the cabin, she began to sing at the top of her lungs.
Linoliuhmanda wrinkled her nose and grinned. “Hey. I think I know that song.”

PLANET Z

Walt Disney’s dream was to build the city of the future.
Hub-and-spoke peoplemovers, green spaces and company towers, and multiple levels of tunnels to handle freight and waste and deliveries.
It was perfect… too perfect.
After he died, the board and managers met and scaled back his dream to a bunch of theme parks and resorts.
And a government that the company controlled by filling two small trailer parks leased out to reliable company shills.
So taxes went from one pocket to another, safety laws didn’t apply, and everyone was beholden to The Mouse.
And it all came crumbling down.