The 100 Word Stories Podcast

You would think that one or other political party would be pushing to add more states to the country to boost their representation in Congress and put a thumb on the scale of the elections, but the biggest lobby is, of course the flag manufacturing industry. After so many years of selling flags with 50 stars on them, they salivate at the idea of everyone replacing those flags with ones with 51 stars. I don’t think there’s any official design out yet. And whoever gets a contract will make millions, until the new Congress passes a massive tax on them.

In the past four months, I’ve applied to a lot of jobs. I get ghosted by some and rejected outright by more. Sometimes I get screened by a recruiter, and maybe dozen times I’ve made it to the second round. I made it to one shortlist, but I had a power, Internet, and phone outage for half an hour when the interview was scheduled. It all came back and I messaged them about it, but they haven’t responded. If they don’t respond, I guess I dodged a bullet. I didn’t want to work for people who treat others like that.

• Lizzie
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Beginning

LIZZIE

A guitar case and no guitar, plus a sleeping bag. A trip to the mountain gone wrong. The police searched everywhere. Nothing. One day, he was back, holding his guitar. The police asked him questions. “The guitar code was dirty again,” he said. “I planned to go to horse days.” Horse days? “Yes. A historical field trip, not this garbage.” The police had no clue what he meant, but they were offended. A nutcase, no doubt. The moment they tried to grab him, he held his guitar up and… disappeared. One wonders where he ended up on a corrupted code.

RICHARD

Dirty Words
I’d always thought our marriage was doing just fine.
Perhaps a little lacklustre, predictable, and – dare I say – at times, somewhat boring; but isn’t that the case for most couples after a few years?
It wasn’t good enough for my wife though. If things didn’t improve, the threat of marriage counselling was on the cards.
I didn’t fancy that, so I asked her for suggestions.
‘You could try talking dirty to me during sex’, she suggested.
So, I did… “The oven is filthy, the rubbish is overflowing and the floors need a good clean!”
We ended up in counselling anyway.

SERENDIPIDY

It was a dirty, rotten, evil trick to play.
The recorded message, posted in the mail.
I have your kids. I want a million dollars deposited into my Swiss bank account in seven days, every day over, one of the little darlings pays the price with their life.’
I included a recording of their screams and pleading for mercy, just to ram the message home.
The parents paid up, of course.
One million dollars, and well before the deadline.
Not that it made any difference whatsoever.
I’d already done away with the kids, on day one.
Noisy, annoying little buggers.

TOM

1054

Pathetic

OK, I don’t know how, but I miss-numbered the last story as 1052 instead of 1053. Pretty pathetic a septuagenarian can’t count to 1053. What can I say my mom fell down a staircase before I born. I had a forceps delivery by a Marine Doctor. Mix in dyslectic and ADHD. It’s a wonder they didn’t leave on the plain with pint of orange juice. Perhaps we should use roman numerals: MLIII. Or, binary: 10000011101. Go for all the marbles Hex-s: 41D. Nope mostly screw da up. Just got to own that pathetic thing. We do give effort award here?

1055

Dirty

Everyone has a dirty little secret. You know the one you share will ex crazy girlfriend. How years after you broke up sell it to National Eq. Yup and just after the one your senate primary. God I will there weren’t so many photos. Makes hard to push back. Some people might believe I would be impossible to do that will A dead Ferret. Trick is a live ferret. Only thing that can save me now as this sweet bit of OP-po. Dirty little secret of my esteemed rival has to do will a biker gang in Omaha. Ride-em cowboy.

NORVAL JOE

Even more surprising than Patrick’s remark was Bobbi when she charged toward her brother, her hands raised to throttle him. “You dirty bastard.”

Patrick grabbed her wrists before she could choke him, but she continued to shout. “You’re pathetic. You held Sabrina captive, torturing her until Billbert got there. Then you tried to use them to kill the Five Sisters Coven.

“You should be groveling, asking them for forgiveness, but instead you’re staring at Candy’s butt as she scrubs the counters. You should just leave. Now.”

Before Patrick could react, Mrs. Weinerheimer stepped in. “No. We need Patrick to stay.”

PLANET Z

My guidance counselor suggested I become an anchorite.
“Our previous achorite recently… graduated” he said.
They would wall me up at the school, feeding me through a hole and collecting waste from another.
“We tried using just one hole, but there were too many complaints.”
We went through the paperwork, signed the contracts, and the next day I was bricked over in an alcove by the library.
It’s a bit cramped, but I don’t worry about anything, really.
I’m fed, I’m never thirsty.
They add drugs to my food to deal with any itching.
And I never have to shower.

Get your activated charcoal and insurance cards out! It’s time for another release from Totenkopf wineries. we recommend standing by at least 1 foot thick concrete barrier when uncorking this beauty. And if you’re holding your breath in anticipation, keep holding it until the fumes evaporate. With an acidic overtone that could dissolve a five dollar hooker in a bathtub in five minutes, this beauty pairs with fish, steak, and untold suffering easily. Certainly the finest selection available and death row wine cellars across every respecting banana republic. No customer will collect on the satisfaction guaranteed promise. Good luck, fools.

Pablo wanted to be a bullfighter all of his life. On his deathbed, when asked if he had any regrets, he said I never fought the bulls. So the doctors and the nurses called a nearby farm and that evening sure enough they brought a bull to Pablo‘s room. It was a small bull and rather docile. They may have drugged it. Even so, getting it up the elevator wasn’t easy, the stairs were impossible. But there he was, Pablo hooked to so many machines and tubes and wires, finally face-to-face with a bull. He died of a heart attack.

Some dude over 250 years ago said we will all hang separately or we can all hang together. If I were there, I would’ve shouted I don’t wanna be hanged at all. I mean if you’re hanging separately, you’re dead. If you’re hanged all together, it’s not just that you’re dead, but you feel kind of embarrassed everyone else being hanged seeing you being hanged. Unless you’re the last one to be hanged. Then I guess you’re sitting there watching everyone probably pissing and shitting yourself knowing that you’re going to be hanged. How about a little positivity, founding fathers?

She was beautiful and smart and I thought maybe I could ask her number. She told me it was the last 10 digits of pi. At first, I felt crushed, no way I was in a league and she knew it. But then. What if? So I finished my degree in mathematics, soldier through a masters degree and dedicated my doctoral thesis to her. Which calculated the last 10 digits of pi. And I called her number. But I was too late. She’d married the varsity quarterback who dominated in college and pros and all I did was become famous.

The first faster than light ships carried inorganic cargo. The time dilation field was hazardous for regular organic material. But eventually, we invented a shielding system that worked. Colonizing the planets, and then the stars came soon after. Communication methods were performed by a fleet of Messenger drones. It was weird hearing about catastrophic experiments with fusion on a star. You could clearly see in the night sky, but knowing that some scientists bungled the math and set off a supernova. Well, we won’t see it for another few thousand years, but still, it’s pretty to look at out there.

We bandaged Herman‘s left leg and had him stand up. He was a little wobbly at first, but eventually he was able to take a few steps, nod and head back out the door. The painkillers we infuse in bandages aren’t that strong, but they tend to do the trick. The door opened again, and a woman was holding her arm. I checked for a possible broken wrist. I did a few reflex tests before opening up another bandage and wrapping her arm. She moved her fingers and we got her in a swing before sending her out the door.