“Sic Semper Tyrannis!”
John Wilkes Booth limps off the stage as chaos overtakes Ford’s Theater.
In the background…
Singing?
“STOP!” shouts Professor Rathbone, clicking a hand control.
Everyone freezes in place, frozen in time.
Rathbone twists a knob on the control, scrolling the scene backwards.
Women and men point and sit back down, Booth flies up to the Presidential box, scuffles with an Army major, and unshoots Lincoln.
Rathbone clicks again, walks to the stage, and spots the quietly singing Rick Astley.
He points the control, clicks, and the hologram vanishes.
The grad students chuckle as Rathbone resets the scene.
Tag: science fiction
To Don’t
A lot of people make TO DO lists to get their chores done.
I stuck mine to a corkboard, and I put colored pins in chores I need to get done, removing pins once they’ve gotten done.
However, some people make TO DON’T lists to list all the things they do to waste time, and then they try not to do those things.
I tried a TO DON’T list, but the first thing I put on it was my TO DON’T list.
A paradox wormhole opened up, swallowing everything in the room.
I scratched “Laundry” off my TO DO list.
It Worked
Walking home from school, a woman in a strange silver diving suit stopped me, kneeled down, and whispered “It worked.”
Then she kissed me on the forehead before diving into a flash of light… and she was gone.
Over the years, from school, through university, to the chronosuit research… searching for her.
And I found her.
Those eyes. Those bright eyes.
She was the granddaughter of my research partner.
She learned quickly, taking our research so far.
She tells me she’s ready to test it, wants me to see it work.
“I already have,” I say, and close my eyes.
Sudden Twins
We brought the baby home from the hospital, and just as Sharon was preparing to give him his first feeding, we heard the doorbell.
I opened it.
Three men in environment suits standing there, and a large van parked in the driveway.
“There’s been a mistake,” said one, holding a baby swaddled in a blue cloth. “You had twins.”
Another held a Geiger Counter, watching the dial and sweating. “Hurry up, guys.”
I took the baby… and shut the door.
I looked at the baby.
It glowed orange.
Yes. Orange.
At least we won’t lose him in the dark, right?
Enjoy The Silence
In the future, there is no such thing as silence.
No matter where you go, there is always noise somewhere.
Silence must be purchased, and it is kept in vaults deep underground.
I slide my palm over the reader, a light flashes green, and an armed guard escorts me down a dark hallway to the elevator.
Down… down we go.
I follow the lights, walk into a vault, and press a button to close the door.
The noise vanishes.
I sigh with relief, close my eyes, and smile.
The buzzer will come eventually. Until then, I will enjoy this peace.
Thirst
Children have such a thirst for knowledge.
Thanks to Liquid School, we can satisfy that thirst, giving kids all the essential facts, figures, formulas, and skills a growing child needs.
Nanobots with memory engram patterns read the brains of volunteers, undergo a strict review process, and then get transplanted into students through minimally-invasive surgery.
Results have been phenomenal, although there is always the risk of unintentional engram overwrites or misalignment of memory maps.
This is why you should back up your data and child every night to avoid data loss or corruption.
(Unless you like them better as a chicken.)
Rover
In a fight between a gigantic robot monster and my dog, I’d be rooting for my dog, but don’t tell him that I bet on the gigantic robot monster.
I mean, yeah, that’s cold, not to bet on your dog, but he doesn’t need to know that I bet against him.
Besides, he’s just a fucking dog. He doesn’t know shit about money and gambling and stuff like that.
Does he have a job?
Does he have health insurance?
No.
And we can always get another dog.
Now shut up and root for… what’s his name again?
Right. GO ROVER!
Tesla
When Fiorello Laguardia said “But Tesla is not dead, not really dead… only his body lays still.” In his eulogy to the great inventor, he wasn’t lying.
Hours earlier, LaGuardia stared at a massive underground array of dynamos, cables, and engines bathed in lightning.
“GREETINGS, FRIEND,” boomed the voice of Tesla, whom LaGuardia had just seen in the funeral home that morning.
“Shouldn’t I tell the people of this miracle?” asked LaGuardia.
A large box with a shiny tube turned to point at him.
“Never mind,” said the mayor, recognizing the Death Ray. “We’ll just hold a funeral procession, okay?”
The Evolution Bazooka
Pastor Bailey doesn’t like evolution being taught in the local public schools, and he’s demanding that creationism be taught alongside it.
The faculty has refused to teach creationism, and the Science Department has put their heads together to prepare a formal response.
“BEHOLD!” shouts the wild-eyed Professor Jankins, brandishing a shiny silver tube. “THE EVOLUTION BAZOOKA!”
I tap my fingers on my desk. “Really, Stan?”
He laughs, points the bazooka at a potted plant, and pulls the trigger.
Nothing happens.
Later that afternoon, he realized the batteries had been put in backwards, and he turned a student into a chimpanzee.
The Fever
We don’t bother taking Ed’s temperature anymore.
You can tell by the sweat and the redness, he’s burning up.
Still, as the doctor told us to do, we’ve filled his pillow with ice, covered his forehead with damp towels, praying his fever will break.
It’s hard to get him to drink, because he’s constantly whispering nonsense and won’t sip from the glass, so we get him to suck on a damp towel when we can… it’s reflex.
When his temperature’s down again, the doctor will inject me, and it’ll be my turn for the fever.
I hope our vaccine works.