Prometheus stole fire from the gods and gave it as a gift to Man.
“If that’s a gift, why isn’t it wrapped?” asked Man
“It’s fire,” said Prometheus. “It burns wrapping paper and other things.”
“Will it burn me?” asked Man.
“Yes,” said Prometheus. “I suppose I should put it on a stick.”
Prometheus quickly fashioned a torch and gave it to Man.
“That’s neat,” said Man and he ran off to play with his new fire.
The fact that Prometheus had stolen fire made it impossible for man to take it back and exchange it for a fancy-knit sweater.
Tag: society
Dawn
Her name is Dawn, but she rarely wakes up before noon.
She’s a bartender in the busiest club in Chicago.
When she’s not serving drinks and trying not to fall out of what passes for a blouse, she’s out cold in her bed.
Guys ask for her number, and she’s always giving it to them. Well, she gives them the number she had before it was disconnected.
She never takes a night off, so the bar doesn’t call her in.
One night, she stays up to watch the sunrise. “How beautiful,” she says, and then she goes to sleep.
She Owns It
Sally Jackson is such a bitch. She acts like she owns the school or something.
Which she’s entitled to do, since she does own the school building.
Her grandfather built this mall a few years ago, but it didn’t do all that well.
Just as he was about to declare bankruptcy, a tornado hit the town, destroying everything.
The only thing left standing was this mall.
Instead of rebuilding all those buildings, the town just packed it all into the mall. So she owns the school.
And the clinic which we’ll put her in if she keeps acting like a bitch.
Negativity
After years of negative ads the citizens were so disgusted with politics that when Election Day rolled around, nobody showed up at the polls.
Not even the poll workers.
The media weren’t surprised at all, since they were so disgusted by the negativity, whoever hadn’t gotten time off for vacation or a faked-up medical emergency ended up chasing other stories besides the election.
Absentee ballots were completely absent.
Even the urban churches filled their buses with the faithful… and drove them to church to pray.
Washington and every state office was closed.
And people pretty much got along as normal.
Play The Ponies
My uncle Dexter would disappear every Friday night, and then return for Sunday brunch.
Sometimes, he’d have cash stuffed into his pockets, and other times he be flat broke and sporting a black eye or two.
“Your stupid Uncle Dexter plays the ponies.” my mom would say. “Stay away from him.”
So, that night, I followed him from street to street, until he reached the racetrack.
He wired up all the horses to a massive keyboard, turned on the power, and played them like a pipe organ.
It sounded awful, but not as bad as my sister practicing her violin.
My Table
This is my favorite restaurant.
I have my own table here.
And I have my own chair, too.
They keep a special set of fine silverware for me.
And I’ve got my own wine glass. With a fully-stocked wine cellar to serve me from.
My personal waiter takes my order from the menu they printed just for me.
He goes back to the chef that works in my kitchen, using the ingredients they bought for my meal.
That’s when I hear the commotion from outside.
They’re towing my car? From my special parking place?
Unspeakable!
I’ll never come here again!
Frolic
I like to watch webcams which show baby zoo animals, but only when the zoo animals are cute and playful.
Don’t point cameras at ugly things. I don’t want to look at ugly things.
And don’t point cameras at things that aren’t playful. Might as well watch a photograph.
When a cute animal is sleeping, I want to tap the screen and shout “WAKE UP SO I CAN WATCH YOU FROLIC PLAYFULLY!”
But that’s useless.
So, I called a friend at the zoo, and they pointed an air horn at the panda.
Thank goodness there’s no audio with this feed.
Bank Evolution
When I was young, you had to cash a check at the issuing bank and then deposit the cash at your bank.
When the check interchange system was created, you could deposit a check at your own bank without fuss, but you still had to fill out a deposit slip.
Eventually, banks eliminated the deposit slips, because when they knew who you are, they knew your account.
Now, you can snap a photo of a check with the bank’s smartphone application, and they’ll handle it all electronically.
I hope the check clears quickly, because I need a new smartphone soon.
Timing Is Everything
The new iPhone will be available next week, but the one I have now is falling apart.
The home button takes a few pushes to work. And the lock button on the top doesn’t work at all. Either I plug the phone in to wake it up, or turn off Auto-Lock and leave the screen on constantly.
I bought the extended warranty, but it ran out a week ago.
Right before all these problems came up.
My friends say that Apple products are brilliantly engineered.
I’d agree, if the old one failed just as I was buying the new one.
Laundry Day
I live in an apartment complex with several communal laundry centers.
There’s two rows of washers and two banks of dryers.
The washers take 30 minutes to run and the dryers take 60 minutes.
So, on a busy laundry day, wet laundry piles up while I wait for a free dryer.
The problem is compounded by people who don’t collect their stuff from the dryers for an hour or two.
I use a kitchen timer for my own laundry when it’s in the dryer so nobody gets stuck behind me longer than they have to.
We really need a house.