Oh, you want to know the real story?
Well, it started simple enough. Everyone on the team stopped shaving for good luck.
And it worked. After three wins in a row, the players all had stubble.
After two weeks, the coach said that they really ought to shave, but the players were superstitious and refused to give in.
After two months without a loss, the media got wind of the story, and it felt like every sports reporter was following the team around.
Eventually the school principal put their foot down and threatened the girl’s varsity basketball team with suspensions.
The Washington Redskins are being forced to change their team name because it’s considered a derogatory term.
The next to change will be the Cleveland Indians. Because Indians shouldn’t have to be associated with Cleveland. Haven’t they suffered enough?
The Braves and Chiefs will change, too. And then will come the Philadelphia 76ers, because public schoolkids in Philadelphia can’t count that high.
Heck, Oakland schoolchildren rarely, if ever, get A’s. But nobody would ever buy a pennant for the F’s or Dropouts.
Finally, the San Jose Sharks use a term that’s derogatory to lawyers. So, they can keep the name.
The first player that the team drafted went in for surgery yesterday. With the right hormones and plastic surgery, she’ll make a fine cheerleader.
The second player drafted was a potted plant. It’s in the lobby. Plenty of direct sunlight, but I think they’re overwatering it.
The third player is fine, but his conjoined twin isn’t into sports. They’re still working it out.
The fourth draft pick was the general manager’s wife. They shook him awake, and he thought it was his wife waking him up.
She’s better than their first three picks combined. Why didn’t he pick her first?
I haven’t bowled for years.
I can’t remember the last time I bowled.
I remember the first time I was at a bowling alley. I was in the day care room while my mom was bowling. They had coloring books and blocks and games and connect the dots.
But I don’t remember playing games with other kids. Just one connect the dots. It was of a cowboy. My mom may still have it.
The company is having a bowling night tonight.
Will I bowl?
Put me in the day care room. With coloring book, blocks, and connect the dots.
They used to call baseball players “The Boys Of Summer” but they’re playing year-round these days. The World Series is also known as The Fall Classic, Spring Training happens in the Spring, and rookies can work on their skills.
Because they’re starting younger and going at it without a break, the wear-and-tear on their bodies takes its toll quicker. Strained tendons and torn ligaments, and the always dreaded Tommy John surgery.
So few make it to the majors, they stop chasing the dream at twenty-six, broken-down and without an education… without a career… without a future.
Who cares? Play ball!
Who was the best basketball player in history?
You can quote statistics and run simulations, but Doctor Odd has a time machine and can organize games between the actual players.
But he won’t. Because that would change the course of history.
Well, that, and it’s not allowed in the collective bargaining agreement between the players union and the owners. The owners don’t want any players using time machines to jump ahead into their free agency. Or going back to agitate for better terms for the early days of the league.
It doesn’t stop Doctor Odd from gambling on games, though.
The baseball team threatened to move to another city, so the city agreed to give the team more tax breaks and financed a new stadium.
A national insurance company headquartered in the city bought the naming rights of the stadium, but the team went with another insurance company.
Sure enough, the team cut corners when they constructed the new stadium, and a deck collapsed during a game.
Even though the insurance company on the stadium wasn’t involved, they got the bad publicity when the lawsuits piled up and victims complained about the settlement.
The team moved to another city anyway.
Some players have a reputation in the league for trash talk. And the league is trying to clean things up.
So, instead of trash-talking, players are being encouraged to recycle-talk.
The greener the words, the better. Sustainability is key. Renewable is all the rage. Because nobody wants to waste words.
Especially when the game is on the line, and you’re running out of fouls to give, time outs, and words.
Nothing’s worse than a team that’s run out of words, left only with facial gestures and hand signals to finish out the game.
Choose your words wisely, guys.
I was there when Babe Ruth died.
Thin and frail, there in is bed.
He could barely speak. Barely breathe.
There were boxes of Cuban cigars piled up in the hall, unopened.
Cases of whiskey and bourbon and so much beer, stacked up in the garage.
He could barely speak. Barely breathe.
But he managed to say “Good to see you.”
And it was. It was good to see me.
“One last thing,” I said, and I set aside my scythe.
I got out a card, his rookie season card, and a pen.
He was too weak to sign it.
Buddy’s Buddies is a charity camp that Hall Of Fame second baseman Buddy Bunker runs for underprivileged handicapped kids.
They canoe, fish, play games, and have cookouts. It’s fun for everybody.
They also have a computer class there for the nerds who don’t like canoes, fishing, games, or normal kid stuff.
The other kids taunt and bully the nerds, which really boosts their self-esteem. Because the kids are usually picked on for being poor and crippled and funny-looking.
Oh, they also make arts and crafts, with some fancy woodworking, but they just use that junk to beat the nerds with.