Ghosts are most intense immediately after death, expending their energy to compel the living to complete some task of theirs left unfinished.
But after a few years, energy exhausted, ghosts fade and are reduced to wisps or phantasms… and then just unusual regions of spooky feelings when people pass through their former haunts.
Professor Bolton says ghosts can replenish their spectral vitality with fear and life force energy drawn from the living, but there are also natural waves in the world that intensify with great disasters.
But digging up someone’s grave works too.
Pass me the shovel.
And step back.
Tag: mystery
Knob
I wake up, get in the shower, and turn the knob.
Nothing.
No water.
Then, I realize I’ve turned the middle knob. The shower-or-bath knob.
Oops.
I turn the one to its left and HOT HOT PAIN HOT!
I stumble out of the shower and look at the note on the sink GET THE TEMPERATURE RIGHT FIRST damn, I forgot.
I reach back in and get the temperature right before stepping back in.
Soap. Shampoo. Shave. Brush.
I stepped out before turning the water off…
And couldn’t breathe.
On my nightstand, another note:
DRINK SLEEPING ELIXIR ANTIDOTE.
Can’t… reach… bottle…
Dr. Vickers
Dr. Vickers told me there’s only three directions you can run:
To something.
Away from something.
And in circles.
Ten years of coming here, laying on this couch and telling him everything.
He takes a stack of notes from his desk drawer.
“Do you know what this is?” he asks.
I shake my head.
“It’s you,” he says.
He walks to his fireplace and tosses the notes on to the fire.
“You’ve been going in circles all this time. Now, you’re going to leave here.”
“Where will I go?” I ask.
“That’s your decision,” he says, and opens the door.
Weightless
A poet once described being in love as feeling weightless all the time.
So, when I got a chance to ask a crewmember of the International Space Station if they felt like they were in love, I thought they’d say “Yes, all the time!”
Instead, I got a visit from a security team, checking me for adult diapers and asking to see the trunk of my car.
“You don’t own duct tape or other kidnapping implements, do you?” they asked.
I shook my head, then looked up. “Well, I own duct tape,” I said. “But not for that.”
They left.
Queen
For the longest time, people wondered what The Queen kept in her little purse.
With all the assistants and bodyguards around her, offering her things when she needed them, there really wasn’t anything she needed to carry herself.
There wasn’t anything private in her life, either. Everybody knew everything in her life down to the color of the underwear she was wearing. (If she was wearing underwear.)
So, wild speculation went about with people betting on what was in her purse.
Breath mints?
Gum?
A phone?
A dildo?
It contained, in fact, nothing.
She just liked to fuck with people.
Missing
The disappearance of Mindy Murphy took the town by surprise, shocking everyone how such a horrible thing could happen there.
However, when Mr. Murphy started putting posters up all over town with HAVE YOU SEEN THIS GIRL? and her picture on them, there were voices of protest.
“We know you’re worried about your girl and such,” said the mayor. “But let’s face it: she wasn’t the prettiest girl around. And that’s not one of her better pictures.”
The town was relieved when another, better-looking kid got kidnapped. Milk sales returned to normal. Heck, the kid was so good-looking, they doubled.
The Law Of Sangreal Conservation
It’s every orphan’s dream to be told that they’re really a princess to be whisked away to the family’s castle in a horse-drawn carriage.
Leslie’s heart was pounding as they made their way along the forest road.
Then, they pulled to the side of the road and stopped.
At first, she was worried that she was going to be told it was all a big mistake, but a rattletrap carriage was coming the other way.
A girl’s voice within, screaming threats and obscenities.
Then, she realized, it’s also every princess’ nightmare to be told they’re an impostor, and sent away.
The Dragon’s Tail
Isaac sat beneath an apple tree and watched a mob of farmers charge up the hill, pitchforks waving, heading to the dragon’s cave.
He closed his eyes and waited for the roar to come.
RRRRROOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!
A pack of screaming singed farmers carrying scorched pitchforks ran down the hill, half-heartedly pursued by a massive scaly green lizard with wings.
Until it stopped, walked up to Isaac, and grumbled “What’s up with those clowns?”
Isaac shrugged. “I can calculate the motions of heavenly bodies, but not the madness of men.”
The dragon sighed, grumbled and walked away, his tail jostling the tree.
When The Ghost Hits The Fan
If you run a common desk fan long enough, grimy gunk will accumulate on the blades.
Sure, a lot of it is dust, but the rest of it turns out to be chopped bits of ghost.
What? You thought that ghosts were person-shaped specters or flapping empty-eyed sheets floating in the air?
Well, I’m not sure about that. These bits and fragments are rather small, but I’ve collected up enough to take a guess.
What is it a ghost of? A person?
Actually, based on what I’ve got so far, I’d say it was a ghost of a dust bunny.
Come Out Swinging
I once knew a judge who was sick and tired of his rulings getting appealed.
So, every time a court overturned one of his rulings, he’d drive to that judge’s house and punch them in the face.
Still the appeals kept coming, so he changed tactics: when someone appealed his rulings, he’d drive to their house and punch them in the face.
These days, he strides into the courtroom, wearing his black robe like a boxer’s, preferring black trunks with black boots and gloves.
He smacks the gavel against the bell, comes out swinging, and the litigants run for cover.