Tag: society

Carded

For my birthday, my wife drove us to San Antonio and we spent three days at the Hotel Valencia on the Riverwalk.
I’ve been on a diet for a while, so eating at all these fancy restaurants along the river kinda wore me out.
Still, it’s a nice atmosphere, and we had a good time.
Especially at Michelino’s, an Italian place. The salads were excellent, the dinner was superb, and the Chianti went well with the dinner.
Plus, I got carded.
Me. Who just turned forty-one. Carded.
I was flattered, until later on the waiter said “Oh, we card everybody.”

Noodge

My people worship Noodge, God of Constant Guidance.
There’s no priests to spread His word or prophets of His revelation, as He is here with us.
That’s him at the bar, the guy in the robe drinking a beer. That’s Noodge.
He is always telling us what to do, how to do things, and constantly judging us.
What? You don’t see Him? You don’t hear Him telling the barkeeper how to best pour a beer?
You’re serious, right? Heresy’s a dangerous thing. Noodge might hear you and… well, He just nags us more.
(Teach us how to ignore Him too!)

Twins

I was so simple before.
If you have two genetically identical children at the same time, they’re called twins.
But if you take one embryo and implant it in another woman, are they still twins?
What if you take one egg, replicate it a few times, and implant them all together?
Twins? Triplets? Quadruplets?
And what if you don’t implant them all at once? Maybe wait a year or two between pregnancies?
Are they now clones?
It’s so confusing. Makes it hard to buy just the right card, too.
Are you my brother?
Are you my mother?
Are you… me?

Burn The Ballots

General Molotov ordered the ballots burned, declaring martial law.
When the people whispered revolution, the state police arrested any they thought capable of that threat.
Even the would-be president, who was put under house arrest.
He looked over the papers, nodded, and asked for supplies necessary to endure his imprisonment.
The general looked over the list, found some items unusual, but had them delivered anyway.
Down in the basement, workmen assembled an engine and a massive pair of legs, and soon enough the house got up and walked into the capitol.
The general’s last words were: “Wipe your feet, please.”

But With A Whimper

So, the world ended yesterday.
After years and years of people saying the end was near, when it finally came, it wasn’t really all so bad.
In fact, if people had known exactly how the world was going to end, I don’t think they’d have freaked out about it so much.
Especially the guys walking around in sandwichboards, waving signs and shouting THE END OF THE WORLD IS NIGH!
When the end came, I saw one of those guys just sitting there and smiling.
So, I joined him, and we watched the world end together.
And the new one begin.

Same Shit, Different Asshole

Election Day is over, and we’re sending a new guy to Washington.
The old guy, who never did anything, packs his stuff and comes home.
The new guy is full of enthusiasm and ideas, and he gets immediately to work.
Well, not yet. He needs new furniture for the office. He has to hire a staff. He has meetings to attend.
When he’s ready to sit down and get to work, he gets up and… heads off on the campaign trail.
It wears him down, and after a few terms, he’s accomplished nothing.
The old guy laughs at us.
Suckers.

Step on it

“Take me to the airport,” said the businessman. “And step on it.”
I looked at the businessman and put my tongs down on my hot dog cart.
“Um, I’m not a cab driver,” I said. “I sell hot dogs. Would you like a hot dog?”
“No,” he said. “I want to go to the airport.”
He handed me a hundred. “And step on it.”
So, I told him to climb on, and I peddled it as fast as I could to the airport.
He made his flight, thank God.
And I sold out of hot dogs at the airport, too!

The Not So Merry Go Round

Here we sit on the merry-go-round.
Where some aren’t so merry at all.
Some kids are reaching for brass rings.
Others hold on and laugh.
And then there’s those crybabies, clutching with fear and screaming:
Moooooooooommmmmmmyyyyyyyy!
I’ll just sit on the bench, wondering.
All those tattoos on the arm of the operator.
The smoke oozing out from the machinery.
The gears grind louder.
Which the music almost covers up.
It’s a lot happening at once.
I just want to sit here on the bench.
And watch everything go by.
And listen to the music.
With a few folks, humming along.

The Stone Church

We founded the church on Peter, commanding the funeral masons to shape and polish his remains into a single massive cornerstone.
The Ancestors are hauled from The Garden of Memories, and they are also used as building blocks for the church.
Soon, The Birthing Mine is producing more blocks for the church than children. In fact, I can’t remember the last time I saw a young stoneman walking about.
The Teachers, replaced by the priests as the authorities of our land, were commanded to volunteer themselves for quarrying.
Some resisted, and they were pulverized to provide pebbles for the walkways.

Poetry In Motion

After watching girls roll around the track and beat the crap out of each other in what was billed as “Poetry In Motion”, we walked out of the roller derby and put together our own sport:
Rollerpoetry.
Instead of helmets and pads, we handed out berets and copies of Allen Ginsberg’s book “Howl.”
Poets would circle the track, sharing the verse in ways that teachers and Kindles couldn’t.
Opening night, the crowds gathered around the track and booed the circling poets.
One bumped into another. They started throwing punches.
My friends, there’s no avoiding the truth: Culture truly is dead.