Commander Ross created Mr. Beepy last week.
Mr. Beepy is a simple crawler-robot that beeps.
“I added beeping so I could find it,” said Ross. “How was I to know it would crawl into the ductwork where we can’t reach it.”
So, Ross created Mr. Crushy.
Mr. Crushy was programmed to find and crush Mr. Beepy.
Except that Mr. Crushy also crushed power conduits, and he shorted out most of the life support systems.
We had to use the lifepod to abandon the station. We rendezvous with the shuttle in a week.
Wait… hold on… what’s that beeping?
Uh oh.
Tag: silly
Forgotten
Most wizards agree that the Armageddon Spell is the rarest spell.
As the High Mage of The Byzantium Library, I know that it isn’t.
The rarest spell is The Lost Spell Of Forgetting, of which the only copy is in the Library.
Why is it The Lost Spell?
Because I lost it.
I have no idea where the spell is in all these shelves and cupboards and desks.
I’m surprised I even remember there’s a Forgetting Spell.
Just reading it makes you forget what it is.
Hey… that’s strange… what’s this in my pocket…
It’s a scroll.
Of… um… what?
O’Meter
Paddy O’Brien slammed down his mug and let loose a loud belch.
“That be an eight on the burp-o-meter!” he shouted to the rest of the bar.
The bartender tapped Paddy on the shoulder. “That be a four.”
He held up a small device which showed a large red 4 in LEDs.
“Balderdash!” sneered Paddy, pulling out his iPhone and proudly showed the 8 on it.
The bartender took the iPhone, closed the app, and read the icon.
“Fart-o-meter,” he said. “That’s a whole different scale, Paddy.”
Paddy frowned, but brightened up when the bartender filled up his mug again.
Skeletons in the Closet
Why is it that reporters always look for skeletons in the closet?
You’d think politicians would have figured out by now to put their skeletons in the attic or the basement, or stick them in a rented storage unit.
Why not donate the skeleton to a school to teach anatomy?
Or a haunted house to scare people?
And why is it a skeleton in the closet? Whatever happened to the wolfman?
Can’t be a vampire. Coffins take up too much space. Unless it’s a walk-in closet.
How about a mummy?
At least a mummy can be kept under wraps, right?
Circus Ballet
Attendance for the ballet is down.
Way down.
Attendance for the circus is also way down.
So, the ballet and the circus were merged into productions like Circe du Soleil.
But it also produced abominations like Elephant Lake.
What’s Elephant Lake?
Take Swan Lake, remove the swan, and fill the stage with elephants.
The Mouse King from Nutcracker showed up, and the elephants stampeded.
But that’s not the worst of it.
The second act has Russian dancing bears dressed up in tutus.
Ever tried to put a tutu and slippers on to a bear?
I’d rather be stampeded by elephants.
Bounty
Of all the gangsters in town, Vinnie The Finger was the meanest.
He’d put the finger on anyone at the drop of a hat, and he had a very small head, so the fan in his office was always blowing his hat off.
And that meant a lot of people got the finger.
The craziest was a grocer who sold Vinnie a salad he didn’t like, so Vinnie put a bounty on every head of lettuce he owned.
Thugs trashed the grocer’s produce section, and cut off an ear of corn as a warning not to mess with Vinnie anymore.
Swan Lake
My girlfriend said we’re going to Swan Lake on Friday night.
Good. It’s been a while since I’ve been hunting.
She’s always chewing me out for killing animals, making me do all these high-falootin society ballets and symphonies
She’s finally come around and seen things my way.
I packed my shotguns, ammo, gear, and other essentials into the truck and drove to her place to pick her up.
She was made up and dressed up all gorgeous.
“Honey, you look wonderful, but that’s gonna get all messed up at the lake,” I said.
Thank God I didn’t load the shotguns.
The Roaring Twenties
Why were The Roaring Twenties called The Roaring Twenties?
No, it wasn’t because of the booming economy and everybody celebrating their wealth madly.
It was because the streets were filled with packs of lions.
At first, people hardly noticed them. They were too busy noticing all the automobiles in the streets.
Plus, the lions ate stray dogs and the few not-wealthy people.
It was when the stock market crashed that people noticed the lions.
They threw stockbrokers out of the windows, trying to appease them.
Finally, they put big lion statues outside of public libraries, and that scared them off.
Mario
Sure, the game was called Super Mario Brothers, but Mario wasn’t Luigi and Mario’s last name.
What was their last name?
I have no idea. And it’s not on WikiPedia, either.
Maybe Mario’s like Madonna and Cher and has only one last name?
I wonder if he can sing like Madonna and Cher.
According to WikiPedia, he’s held parties, and there’s usually singing at those, right?
Or are those political parties? Are the Mario Brothers like the Kennedy Brothers?
Which one’s the drunk? Which one’s the womanizer?
And which one drove his go kart off the bridge?
Vote for Mario!
Three Little Virtual Pigs
Once upon a time there was a big bad wolf and three little pigs.
The wolf wanted to eat them.
The first little pig built his house out of Mesh, so the Big Bad Wolf logged in with Viewer 1.23 and it didn’t render. He ate the pig.
The second little pig built his house out of sculpties. The Big Bad Wolf checked… it was Phantom. He ate the pig.
The third little pig made his house out of prims. The Big Bad Wolf couldn’t enter it. So, he hit Auto-Return. And ate the pig.
Then he crashed.
The end.