Tag: science fiction

The Happy Couple

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In the future, couples wishing to marry will be able to create a pair of clones to test their relationship.
While the clones are married and live out their lives, the original couple is deep-frozen and stored in hibernation chambers.
Should the marriage fail, the clones are destroyed and the couple is thawed out so they can break up and go their separate ways.
But if the marriage holds, well, they live out their lives happily ever after.
Of course, the original couple ends up being destroyed.
Love can be weird sometimes, sure, but why ruin a good thing, right?

Boys Will Be Boys

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Usually, the boys come back greasy and burnt from a robot hunt. But this time, they came back bloody.
At first, they said the robot banged them up good. But those cuts ain’t deep enough for that amount of blood.
The story we told the cops was that the robot that tore apart the Jenkins kid. My boys tried to stop it, but they were just too late.
It worked. Another close call for the Boudreaux Clan.
Boys will be boys, though – they want to go hunting again tonight.
I boot up another Snipeco 6000, sigh, and hit Run.

Walkabout

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When people build in virtual worlds, they tend to make assumptions about gravity and wind.
Not Arthur. “Fundamental laws like gravity need not apply,” he said.
His playing card office building and an upside-down pyramid stand out, but I notice the subtler things like a starscape that slowly shifts in impossible patterns.
Arthur’s avatar was out walking around his odd world, so I caught up with him and tried to ask him what it was all about.
No response. Just kept walking.
A day later, the paper said he’d shot himself.
They found him, head resting on the “Walk” key.

Backwards

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An orderly wheeled Stuart’s corpse back into the emergency room, sliding him on to a table and putting an IV needle into his arm.
Doctors and nurses surrounded the body, alternating between chest compressions and defibrillator shocks.
A pulse…
Then… nothing.
Still dead.
The doctors worked some more and then quickly yanked the needles back out of Stuart. The nurses took units of blood down from their hooks.
They had to work quickly. Paramedics wanted to load Stuart on to a blood-soaked stretcher to catch an ambulance heading to a fatal car crash.
Yeah, that’ll revive the fucker for sure.

Yankee Blonde

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Sally wasn’t just stupid, but dead-dumb solid-rock stupid.
She was also a blonde, so her smart friends tried an experiment.
You know the old joke where artificial intelligence is where you dye a blonde’s hair black?
Well, they tried it with Sally.
They made her take off her favorite ballcap, then she washed her hair and dyed it dark.
Sure enough, she wasn’t dumb anymore.
Not quite a genius, but certainly smarter than before.
When her hair was dry enough, she put her trusty New York Yankees cap back on.
And, sure enough, she was the same old moron again.

On The Dotted Line

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The Sultan wrote The Director of NASA a large unsigned check.
“Take my beloved son into space,” he said.
He wrote a bigger unsigned check when his son failed the physical.
“Take him anyway,” he said.
When NASA reported that G-forces had stopped his son’s heart during launch, The Sultan called the NASA Administrator.
“Get my son back to me immediately so we may bury him promptly,” he said.
“It’s an eight-day mission,” said the Administrator.
“And your family is on an eight-day vacation here in my palace,” said the Sultan.
He wrote out three death warrants.
And signed them.

Warp Factor Zero

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Bones rattled around the Infirmary until Jim came down and opened the door.
“Have you figured out what the problem is?” said Jim, looking down at Spock, who was laying on an examination table.
“It’s his damn green Vulcan blood,” growled Bones. “I don’t know whether he’s got a nosebleed or a runny nose.”
“It’s just a runny nose,” said Spock matter-of-factly.
“Then why were you shrieking for a tissue and pinching your nose?” said Bones.
“It’s… the… Vulcan Nose Grip,” said Spock. “Simple logic.”
Jim laughed, and Bones punched him in the nose.
“Now that’s a nosebleed,” said Bones.

Payback’s a Colossal Bitch

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Lady Liberty wanted to weep as she watched the towers burn.
Later that night, she pried loose the Emma Lazarus poem at her feet and read it for the first time.
Disgusted, she tossed it into the harbor.
“Go somewhere else, huddled masses,” she grumbled. “Pollute someone else’s shore.”
After careful thought, she decided to keep the torch and book.
The torch came in handy for seeing threats at night.
The book was great for whomping them.
After a few assaults on passing ships, the government shut the island down for “Security reasons.”
Eventually, she slept, and the tourists returned.

For Elise

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My sister Elise calls me her guardian angel.
Father, called me a tumor. He left when we were 4.
Mother didn’t say much of anything about the withered midget on her daughter’s back.
Elise and I don’t just share a liver and kidneys – we share absolutely everything. No secrets between us, although she sometimes jokes “What are you plotting behind my back?”
The doctors whisper over headphones that there’s risk, but not as much if they don’t have to worry about me.
“Mother didn’t,” I say. “Why should I?”
I promise she won’t wake up alone. I’m her angel.

Radiating Love

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I love Jeannie to death, but sometimes she drives me nuts.
The sensors say that it’s still not safe to go outside of the shelter, but she’s accusing me of having an affair?
“We might just be the last two people on earth!” I shout. “Who am I cheating with?”
“I know you put on that radiation suit and go carousing at night,” she sneers.
I shake my head and wonder if it’s really worth trying to save the species when it’ll be stuck with her crazy and retarded genes.
Whatever. If supplies run low, I can always eat her.