Schnauzer

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I have a giant Schnauzer.
That’s giant with a small G. Not a big G.
He’s not a Giant Schnauzer breed. He’s a giant Schnauzer.
One hundred feet tall.
He’s still growing, too. He’s been growing ever since I got him as a puppy.
What do I feed him? Just the usual dog food.
Lots of it. The manufacturer gives me the stuff for free.
They get to put my Schnauzer on the bag and in the commercials.
He doesn’t know any tricks. Or know his name.
So I gave up, and I just call him Schnauzer.
My giant Schnauzer.

The Salad Races

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We both order club salads and watch the lady behind the counter pull out two metal bowls.
The race is on.
She grabs twice the usual amount of ingredients each time, dividing them between the bowls.
Lettuce, chopped ham, eggs…
It was neck and neck until it was time for the dressing.
“One scoop or two?”
We both said one. Two would slow us down.
She mixes things up, scraping the bowls loudly with the salad tongs.
Bowls are poured into plastic clamshells.
And I get the first.
Victory!
I celebrate with a lap around the restaurant and leave.

Apartment Circus

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I couldn’t stand to see the carnival rust in the junkyard, so I bought it.
How you fit all that into a two bedroom apartment in Manhattan, well, that’s my secret.
Kids line up at my door, and I sell tickets to the rides, the midway games, and the various tent acts.
At first, the Condo Association protested, but now they’re all in the show: the fat lady in 5H, the super’s a sword swallower, and 16A tells fortunes.
It’s a good crowd tonight.
I adjust my nose, check my floppy shoes, and lead the clowns into the center ring.

Like a bar of soap

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Travel to Insect Worlds requires Sleep.
Cory leaves her robe on a hook and lays down in the tub.
Five injections: her arms, her legs, and her heart.
Her skin turns pale.
Eyes closed, the monitor shows her slowing down for the sleep.
Muscles contract, her body tucks into a fetal position.
Pour in the electrogel.
One spark, and the gel turns white and solid. Like a bar of soap.
We slide it into the ship’s cargo hold.
Only the Insects can reverse the process. Nobody ever returns.
After all, it’s rude to send back your dinner to the kitchen.

Munge’s Menagerie

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Through an error in programming, Professor Munge created a robot that could read, but was incapable of writing or expressing words in audio form.
Over the course of a year, Munge’s lab produced a series of mechanical oddities, such as robots without ocular sensors but powerful image processing and analysis capabilities, or the exploration robot with a single articulated limb with which the robot could barely drag its bulk around a pen surrounded by rails.
Students would come by to gawk at the cruel menagerie, some laughing, but others worried. Or weeping.
“Compassion,” said Munge. “Cannot be taught. Or built.”

Burning Hands

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Both of my hands are wrapped in bandages.
I don’t know why I held them over the fire.
It didn’t hurt at first. Then, it hurt. A lot.
The skin and nerves are gone from what muscle and bone remains.
I can’t tell how many fingers I have left. The bandages keep me from seeing them.
When they change the bandages, they won’t let me see.
“You do not want to see them yet,” the nurse says.
She puts another pill in my mouth, holds up a cup with a straw, and says everything will be fine.
And I sleep.

Weekly Challenge #159 – Telescope

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Fifty Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Telescope.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Michael S.
Guy David from http://guydavid.com
Terrence from http://www.mcleanweb.ca/neverwas/
Danny from http://dannymachal.com/
Norval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
Lance from http://twitter.com/writingdad
Tom from http://footnote.libsyn.com/
Ishtar from http://ishtarskiss.blogspot.com/
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com/
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

Michael

Remarkably I remember the first time I really used a telescope to reach out and further my understanding of the universe in which I live. Those special spaces I saw were spectacular as I studied the celestial spattering on those splendid summer nights now so very long ago. Then my training taught me to take my telescope to outer terrestrial territories, to touch temporarily the terrific tapestry in our tumultuous galaxy. Now I know nothing can negate the never ending mental nourishment I negotiate each time I put my noggin on the near side of my telescope.

Guy

Monica walked into little Bill’s room and found him looking through his telescope. “Don’t you have homework?” she asked. “I’m looking at the stars.” Bill answered in a dreamy voice, “It’s homework.” “Drink something” said Monica, “it’s a warm day.” “Mom” said bill in an exasperated tone. Monica put a finger to her lip, shushing him. Bill picked up a half filled glass. Satisfied, Monica left the room. Bill immediately run to the Telescope and continued watching. The man at the opposite building was now fumbling with the woman’s bra. Bill set down and relaxed, ready for some fun entertainment.

Terrence

It was not until I had checked in that I learned about the Astronomers’ convention. I thought, ‘this can’t be that bad.’ Boy was I wrong. The day was quite, almost a ghost town, but the moment the sun was down they poured out of their rooms.
The discussions started immediately and they quickly turned in to arguments at the mention of Pluto. I had my thoughts, but I was going to play it safe and just listen, but I headed straight to my room to get my bags the moment I heard. “Is that a telescope in your pocket…?”

Danny

There are billions of stars in the sky. Eastern philosophy says that man’s destiny is written in these red giants, supernovas, pulsars and constellations. That’s what my Dad says anyway; he is an astronomer at UCLA. He is my hero, and someday, I’ll be an astronomer, just like him.
When I was thirteen he got me a high powered telescope for my birthday. I was lucky to have the upstairs room, and he was beaming proud that I used that telescope every day. My father gave me the greatest gift a boy could ever want. I gazed on the perfect symmetrical moons of Suzi Morris’s tits every single starry night.

Norval Joe

Mr. Capulet was lived. “I won’t stand for that Montague boy climbing up into your room. I’m tearing down the trellises. I forbid you to even speak with that vermin.”
Romeo went to Walgreens and bought a small vile of poison and a Rocket Fishing Rod, with telescoping extension.
With a note, saying, “Put this poison in your fathers gruel”, he loaded the vial into the capsule.
He took aim and fired. The capsule opened five feet short of Juliet’s door, propelling the vial to the floor, inside, and leaving the note to settle in a corner of the balcony.

Lance

They called me The Telescope. Any part of my body, I can make longer or shorter, between twice its normal length and half. Not much against super strength or laser eyes, so I never made it as a hero. Had a great career as a boxer, though. Extra inch of reach the other guy can’t see coming? Goodnight, Irene. And a porn legend for a while. Yeah, that was me.
But all that’s a long time ago. Now I’m just an old man happy to reach things on the top shelf or pick stuff up without bending over. Life’s good.

Tom

Joey couldn’t wait to open the birthday present. “A telescope?” What was grandpa thinking about? Forks gets about 20 cloudless night a year.
For a 100 nights Grandpa and Joey would drag out the scope and tripod, set the tracker and waited. Without out a star they’d end the night.
When the sky finally opened up Joey watched the heaven dance before his eyes. The wait had truly been worth it come rain or shine.
Walking towards the mountain top observatory the young assistance complained to the director about the cloud cover. “Just wait” encouraged Joe sensing a dark turning

Ishtar

“5 Minutes till Impact” I say with tears in my eyes.
We’ve known about the end of the world for months.
All the Zealots and Mad catholic priests added to the mess.
Total societal shut down.
I’ve been locked in my hi rise apartment building for months.
I had the supplies but I was alone. Until I found her in the next building with my telescope.
Those last few months we would share written messages through glass. It made the loneliness lessen.
30 seconds left, she’s crying at the window.
5 seconds left, the sky burns bright red.
0 seconds. …….

Lynda

Avast ye, an’ hear the tale o’ eggheaded Iggy, the pegleg o’ Kitt Peak.
‘Twere last year’n he joined our crew, keepin’ mostly to hisself, never partakin’ o’ the grog nor goin’ ashore fer love. The day he swapped the Cap’n’s spyglass with a “Six-inch Newtonian reflector,” we gave ‘im a right flogging afore makin’ him walk the plank clutchin’ his fancy equipment.
Only afterwards we found the ship were fitted with warpin’ drives o’ some kind. None o’ me buckos knew how to work the thing an’ that’s how we come to land ‘ere on this frozen rock, Triton.

Anima

“The time is long past for the Church to admit errors between Catholic philosophies and the ideas of Galileo Galilei. In 1619 Signor Galilei proposed that the Earth and the known planets revolved around the sun, in direct opposition to the teachings as espoused by the Holy Book in Psalms and Ecclesiastes.”
“Are you sure, your Holy Eminence? Dare you forgive such heresey?”
“I suppose; 400 years is a long time to hold a grudge, no? Times are changing. Now, how long do you suppose we can cling to the idea that woman is the weaker vessel?”

Justin

I found a telescope that looks into the past. I used it to solve crimes. I could look at the crime scene and follow the suspect to find any clues they left behind. It didn’t always work because I had to prove what I saw. Sometimes I would see what happened, but found no way to prove it. I considered exacting justice myself, but how would I explain myself if found out? I can see into the future if I look through it backwards, but the view is distant. Maybe I can prevent crime. I just need to start looking.

Planet Z

At the conference, Dr. Foster demonstrated how light bending around black holes could be used as a telescope into our world’s past.
Grainy images demonstrated the shifting of the continents. The closer the gravity well, the more recent and clear the image.
“What about using antiphotons?” asked a researcher. “Do they show the future?”
It turns out they do.
We started with the closest singularity reflector for best resolution, and the changes were fascinating.
We’re shifting to the next one.
The video stream is resolving.
And… I feel sick.
Devastation. Massive ecological collapse.
Armageddon.
We are all doomed.

The Retarded Twins

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Julie and Judy were indistinguishable from each other for 80 years.
Usually, you can tell twins apart, but these two were exactly alike.
Including their mental retardation. So severe, their father walked out when they were 5 and their mother dead from suicide on their 10th birthday.
They were dressed in the same clothes, played with the same toys, and babbled the same babble.
They spent their lives in institutions together until one died.
Nobody knew which one, so they tossed a coin, declared Judy dead, and life went on as normal, or what passes for it for a retard.

Piano Bar

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The kids were hungry, so I said “Let’s go to McDonalds.”
They screamed “No!”
Sounds weird, right? Kids not wanting to go to McDonalds?
Well, it makes a lot more sense when I mention: our McDonalds has a piano bar.
Three hours later, the kids are asleep in the ball pit and I’m blasted out of my mind as all the soccermoms and single dads are singing whatever the guy on the bench is playing.
A guy in a Grimmace costume asks me if I need a cab.
“Just a light,” I say, cigarette in hand.
The kids scream louder.

The Silver Star

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When I was a child, my sister and I had to do our chores.
Each chore meant we got to lick a star and stick it to the calendar for that day.
Red ones were little chores, like doing the dishes.
Blue ones meant more, like vacuuming or walking the dog.
Silver stars were for mowing the lawn.
At the end of the week, add up the stars and get an allowance.
I went to the crafts store and bought a box of silver stars, filling the calendar with them.
The stars added up to me getting spanked and grounded.