The woman at the ticket counter smiled, handed me the ticket, and then drew down a shade with CLOSED printed on it.
The line was long and the groans of frustration were loud.
Some asked me how much I wanted for my ticket.
Others wanted to see the ticket, but I was afraid they’d steal it.
I was surrounded: people making offers, begging for me to take their children with me.
I ran for the door, handed my ticket to the usher, and he tore off the stub.
Damn these exclusive Harry Potter movie premieres! Can’t they open more screens?
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #31
Many folk have sent needle point samples which snitched out how would you tom write a 100 story
Since I’m on first name bases with god he has been asking me for help with his new book. So far we got zombies, and high-speed jet boats, ya know the ones out of that Bond movie, what was it called? I don’t think Sean Conner was in it and it wasn’t that other guy the one who played Anthony Hopkins’ love interest in Lion in Winter. Don’t you hate it when it is just at the edge of your mind and then it gone. The guy playing John was in Excaliber and Patrick Steward. Damn everyone was in that film.
Mister Clean
Mister Clean wasn’t always clean.
Despite his parents’ best efforts, he refused to clean his room.
“You’d better clean your room,” his mother would say. “Or you’re not getting any dinner.”
“Fine by me,” he said. “Everything you make tastes like ammonia and bleach anyway.”
She’d send him to his room, and he’d happy comply, slamming the door shut.
“At least we don’t have to see his room with the door closed,” his father said.
But they did have to smell it.
So, they took him to a mental hospital, where his head was shaved and he received shock therapy.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #30
Many folk have spray painting macaroni noodle glue to construction paper heart asking how do you Tom write a 100 word story
You may find this hard to believe but god is rather fond of 100 word stories. He told me last Thursday. He said he would have written the bible that way if he had known about the form. I said why don’t you do a rewrite. He shook his head, at least I think it was his head, you know he moves in mysterious ways. He said once ya finish a story it’s a bad idea to go back and monkey with it. I said how about a new book the first one did pretty damn good to date.
No Do Overs
It is quiet. Very quiet. No guns. No screaming. The horizon is dotted with piles of rusting metal. Razors wire rolls over the plain like tumbleweeds. You could call it a peaceful day, but peaceful would imply people actively engaging in a lack of hostilities, which isn’t the case. There is peace because there aren’t any people left to raise a ruckus. The last two are over there, yup the two skeletons with their hands around each other’s throats. I guess if everyone is gone the word peace like all the other words wouldn’t mean much to the circling birds.
an much to the circling birds.
The Imaginary Volcano
Remember that volcano in Iceland that erupted last year and disrupted travel for weeks?
Which volcano?
Well, um…
I can’t pronounce the name.
And that’s what I wanted to talk about.
Nobody talked about it before it erupted, but when it did, people talked about it all the time.
Just because the name was unpronounceable, it didn’t mean they didn’t talk about it.
They just called it “That Icelandic volcano” over there.
So changing your name to something unpronounceable won’t keep you out of the press.
Or off of wanted posters.
Let’s just wear masks when we rob banks, okay?
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #29
Many folk have written an Italian Opera called how do you Tom write a 100 word story
Oh the life of the writer is a lonely one. The hours spent playing Free Cell. Days of sock puppet theatre. Waste paper basketball. Table top football. Cleaning the lint trap and make your own paper. Rearranging the spoons in the spoon drawer. The solitude of the writing process is only broken by moments of dancing in your underwear to Tainted Love. Then back to the blank screen with the humming of the servers in the other room, I humm back. Its like a duets . A wangerian duttle, ill be zegfried and you be Burunhilda. Hell im going take a nap.
Resolve
Breakfast, lunch and dinner: I always eat at the diner.
The moment I open the menu is when my resolve fails.
Honestly, I have no idea what I want. The more choices, the less able I am to choose.
Help.
I ask the waitress what she suggests, and she says “Well, what are you in the mood for?”
“Surprise me,” I say.
She takes the menu with a trembling hand, backing slowly into the kitchen.
The lights go out.
There’s a scream and then a thud.
Then, I hear sirens.
I shout “On second thought, I’ll have eggs over easy!”
Love transplant
Look, it’s Valentine’s Day, and we’ve got to deal with this together.
Fred’s dead, and there’s no changing that, but that doesn’t mean your love has to die with him.
They got him to the hospital in time to harvest your love out of him and implant it in me.
The recovery’s been difficult, but with intensive rehabilitation, I think I’m ready to leave the hospital.
The doctors warned me there was a risk of rejection… did you take the pills they gave you?
No? Yes?
Oh well. I guess you’ll just have to settle for loving just me then.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #28
Many folk at the New York Times crossword desk have made 27 across How do you Tom write a 100 word story
I have been laying cables for weeks. Got a crane to connect them to the first tower. Figured the load bearing with be quiet adequate. I know the material might seem a bit odd at first by after a while I think the average person with come around. I have an army of pigmies harvesting spigettie trees on the Marin slopes Everything is pasta, if those guys in Indonesia can build stuff out of bamboo why not angle hair. So what ya building Tom? I’m building Suspension to Disbelief Bridge. Thank goodness for that grant from the endowment for the arts.