Password Protected

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My memories are valuable and corporate hypno-spies are everywhere.
All it takes is a dazzlestick to stop someone on the street and open them up for a psychic fileclerk to rifle through.
So, I decided to protect them.
The process isn’t easy, and it takes weeks of sessions to catalog secrets for storage in secure areas of the brain.
I woke up one morning, tried to think of those things, and realized… I didn’t remember any of them.
Protected. Secure.
Perfect.
Time to go to work… Wait. Where do I work?
Hold on… thinking… Oh crap!
I forgot the password!

The Last Piece Of Pie

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I take the pie out of the oven and put it out on the counter to cool.
Everybody is so polite here, so nobody’s willing to take the last piece of pie.
Or the second-to-last piece of pie.
Same with the third, fourth, fifth, and sixth-to-last pieces of pie.
In fact, nobody’s willing to take a piece of pie at all.
Just to start the process will cause that last-piece-of-pie situation to come about.
So it sits on the counter for days.
Spoils, covered with mold, and completely inedible.
(Nobody’s willing to be the one to throw it out, either.)

Weekly Challenge #228 – Muffin Basket

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Twenty-Eight, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Muffin Basket!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Freereed
Tom
TJ
Murray
Abigail
Zackmann
Steven
Norval Joe
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Freereed

“Yer ass looks like a heart-shaped meatloaf in those pants.”
He always had a parting shot … umm… compliment.. before they went out.
“Louie, yer a goddam jewel,” she murmured while patting down the last strays of her up-do.
Arrive early, leave late. It’s all so predictable.
A game to see who could not hold their liquor and made a complete jerk of themselves.
Who would be first to break out crying.
“C’mon Muffin Basket, drive me home,” he breathed beerily into her ear.
“Sure, baby, sure.” She reminded herself to remove Cliff’s phone number from her bra first thing.

Tom

In order to increase attendance Sally Rand Junior College
decided to add a burlesque class to its fall schedule.
On a dare from her friend Ida Hampton Muffy Wainwight
signed up for Neo Stripteases 101.
“You Gotta Have A Gimmick” reminded the instructor
referring back to the music Gypsy.
Muffy turned to Ida,
“What’s your Gimmick?”
“I’m thinking Ida and her Ipad.”
“You know techy titillation.”
“What about you?”
“I’m going Martha Steward
a sort of pop n fresh theme.
Muffy and her muffin basket.
As the footlights rise
Hi Boys
I’m Muffy want to be my muffin man

TJ

I don’t know exactly what I expected. I figured, per your
president’s announcement, active combat would end and probably forces
would rotate out as needed. Probably there’d be some violence but
mostly because of the instability. We don’t have water in some places,
still. We jokingly call those places “New Orleans.” We have TV here.
I’m sure we will get the electricity and water going soon. But I was
surprised, finding on my doorstep this morning as I rose for morning
prayers, that the U.S. sent everyone a muffin basket with a card signed
“Sorry about the war. Love, Obama.”

Murray

I’ve been working for years on my compound. Odourless. Tasteless. Highly explosive.
It hasn’t been easy to find a compound that is so volatile, yet resistant to heat and impact. There was only one way to test the prototypes. Thankfully, I’ve got all my fingers. Mostly.
When the first demonstration is complete, I’ll be rich. It won’t matter that the Defense Department fired me.
“What’s this?” the baggage inspector asked.
“Just muffins. Blueberry.”
He eyed me suspiciously, taking one and breaking it apart.
“Huh.” He waved me through.
I left the basket in the bathroom. Armed, of course.
Demonstration time.

Abigail

Ooo baby you know I love how you move that muffin basket. Oh come on honey shake that sweetness. That’s it , spill that hot and good my way. Yah gimmee some of that. I gotta have some of what you got. Bring it on over here. Bring it. Bring it on.
When the paramedics came Verdene jus said, he’d” teetered on off his stool “,and “Hey,can you folks hurry on I got kids to get to and I still got the grill to scrape down” , her thighs fighting the length of the counter . She swabbed unmercifully .

Zackmann

Dearest Guido:
Thank you for the Muffin Basket complete with the Little Wicker Basket brand container. I think
that since I am currently involved in no court activities that you may have sent them to the wrong
address. I sincerely hope not to be mistaken for your target. Thank you again, blueberry muffins
are my favorite and I was overjoyed until I read the card.
“Hope youse enjoy these blueberry muffins just like youse will enjoy a long life iffin youse don’t
testify and youse should knows that No one alive has ever testified against me or my friends”

Steven

Hansel shoved the girl up against the rough tree. “This ain’t what I wanted.”
“I don’t have anything else,” she whimpered, the red fabric of her
cloak draping over her eyes. “Grandma just made the muffins. No
cookies. No cake.”
Hansel looked back toward his sister. “Whaddya think?”
Gretel walked out of the shadows. “I think we have a little girl who
brought the wrong gift and now can’t find her way home.”
“Oh,” Red Hood said, “all I have to do is take a left here and-”
Gretel drew her knife. “Not can’t. She won’t find her way home.”

Norval Joe

I struggle back up the dingy aisle, across greasy, grimy linolium tiles, toward the door, and the light.
Memories of past events, stories, vague and rotting, like the decaying cardboard containers abandoned amid the debris of collapsed soup can piramids, and piles of worm eaten wicker muffin baskets.
I look back. How far have I come?
100 aisles, 10,000 steps.
Each week another aisle along, yet I am farther behind the old man, the guide, the master.
He waits at the exit, his midget and his monkey at his side.
He teases me and calls, “Don’t forget the bacon salt.”

Planet Z

The moment we put the wicker basket in the window, Muffin decided that it was hers.
She climbed up on the table, crawled into her basket, and curled up for a long nap.
She wouldn’t let anyone or anything near that basket.
When she saw Mister Tigger sniffing the basket, she screeched and angrily chased him off.
And she shredded any magazines and shoved away any balls of yarn we put in there.
One morning, she crawled into the basket, went to sleep, and never woke up.
It’s hers forever now. We buried her in the back yard in it.

The Mummy Train

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Mark Twain used to joke that the wrappings for mummies were used in pulp for newspapers and their bodies burned to run trains.
But neither was true.
Instead, mummies were employed by the newspapers in the printing presses, shambling around the massive rollers.
If one got caught up in the machinery and torn to bits, who cared, right? They were already dead, their families long gone.
Letting them don engineer caps and run trains, well, that was a lot more dangerous. Mummy brakemen tended to ignore warning signals, and only so many accidents were tolerated before they all were retired.

Crazy Never Sleeps

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Crazy never sleeps.
You might crawl into bed and close your eyes, but while you’re asleep, Crazy is up and pacing the floor, listening to voices that nobody speaks with.
Crazy can’t be locked in the basement or tied to a chair. No matter what you do, Crazy gets loose and goes crazy on everything.
Broken dishes.
Knives stuck in the sofa.
The tub overflowing again.
Who knows what you’ll wake up to this time?
So, you stay up later… and later…
You try to stay up later than crazy does.
Then you realize: you’ve been the Crazy all along.

Mushroom King

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We all marvel at the magnificent crown of The Mushroom King.
But how did he get his mighty crown?
Well, as all Mushroom Kings do: he rolled his head in a bucket of shit, cultivated and grew mushrooms on it, and kept them growing… and growing… and growing…
Until he had the greatest crown of all.
That’s when we named him the new Mushroom King.
As for his throne, that’s from the previous Mushroom King.
His crown grew far too large, and he sank into the shit, gone forever.
Except for his crown, for the new king to sit on.

The Axe

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Every time I go to Lord Greybeard’s Castle, I can’t help but stare at the axe he’s mounted over the fireplace in the Main Hall.
It’s old and rusty, but every so often there’s fresh blood along the blade.
There’s no way that Lord Greybeard used it, let alone any of his servants.
The thing is massive, with a six foot wooden shaft and a blade that must weigh over a hundred pounds.
Lord Greybeard notices my curiosity, puts an arm around my shoulder, and laughs. “I cut myself shaving,” he says.
Then, his screaming head slides off his neck.

Draw a red line

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I watch my daughter drawing a red line.
She started drawing on her sketchbook, but ran off of the paper, along the floor…
And right out the door.
I shouted for her to come back, but why worry? She’ll run out of ink or get tired…
One hour… two hours…
I get up and shout again.
No answer.
So, I follow the red line.
That was seventeen years and ten thousand miles ago.
You can’t see the line?
Oh, it’s there. Just too faint for you to see.
But I can.
And I will follow it until I find her.

The Candles

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When Bobby turned five, he wanted his cake decorated like that “Harry Potter” series of books he’d seen, but was too young to read or watch the movies.
“No,” his mother said.
(When you’re five, you don’t take no for an answer.)
So, his mother made a cake with a demon made out of chocolate cookies inside an icing pentagram, a candle at each star point.
At the party, all of Bobby’s friends sang, and then he blew out the candles.
“What did you wish for?” his mother asked.
The demon on the cake opened its eyes.
“That,” grinned Bobby.

Weekly Challenge #227 – Masks

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Twenty-Seven, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Masks!
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Abigail
Lewis
Freereed
Zackmann
Almo
Graceful
TJ
Norval Joe
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Abigail

Her sister was tapping on her cheek,” Hmm, not done yet.” her fingernail clicking dissatisfaction. Beneath hooded eyelids the slim view of sleeves flourishing, the sleight of hand, “Don’t move.” She had given her a light therapy kit too.”This flashing causes the molecules on your skin to scurry and bombard into each other and then they hold one another close. Wrinkle free! Smooth!” These words peeled off as thoughts of her sister telling her she was an Indian Princess, the igloos they made, and the double angels in the snow when she held on to her tight, scurried and bombarded.

Lewis

the hideous creation oozed itself
around the lab. The doctor’s
experiment was getting out of
hand. It was scary, except
it wore silly masks of
three cartoon characters. He told
one person of his experiment.
It was after he injected
her with nanites to cure
his fiance’s terminal disease. Before
their very eyes, her arm
turned a dark purple. It
later became shiny and then
started to droop as if
it were geletan. A few
days later, she was just
a mess of purple ooze
moving around, longing for revenge.
As she absorbed him through
osmosis, he turned purple too.

Freereed

“i want you to paint my wife. money’s no object.”
“Send her in next week; we’ll make a start.”
He’d never worked with anyone so sad or still.
The first five months he enjoyed the opportunity to really paint a face.
During the last month he started talking to her ~
“Signora. tell me please, why are you so sad?
“The week I came to you I lost a baby. It would’ve been my first.”
“Ohh, my sympathies…”
“My husband doesn’t know.”
“I will paint your secret into the mask of your portrait. I will never say a word.”
“Mille Grazie.”

Zackmann

Have you seen my house and if you have will you help me find it. I bought a new house cheap
but it was not in the best neighborhood and my insurance guy said I could get a fifty percent
discount if I bought a cloaking device as an anti-theft measure and it works really well as long
as the batteries don’t go dead in the remote before you memorize your address. Until I recharge
the batteries in the remote, I can not unmask my house. I may never find it since the neighbors
have cloaking devices on too.

I walked into Jen’s Wax Candle Emporium, a shop that sold candles by the scents they masked.
I saw “just ate beans”, “wet dog”, “old kitty litter”,”dirt diaper” and almost any smell you would
like to cover. She even had nosegays just in case you don”t care what other people smell.
Not finding the one I need I asked Jen if she had anything that masks the smell of tuyo. She
replied sorry so far I have found nothing to cover the smell of warmed dried fish but this sample
of “mouse stuck in furnace” might help.

Almo

John got out of the van and opened the back door. He smoothed his hands over his new blue coveralls. Stanley called from the driver’s seat, “Get the tools.”
John looked quickly through the neat stacks of equipment in the boxes.
“Make sure we have pliers,” Stanley yelled.
“What kind?” John called back, pawing through the various implements.
“Needle nose,” Stanley said. “And tape.”
“Tape?” John said.
“It masks the screams,” Stanley told his rookie assistant.
John got the tape and the pliers and closed the doors of the panel van with the “Torture Inc.” logo emblazoned on them.

Graceful

She logged into the online store and reviewed the products list.
Scanning the names running down her screen, she watched for the one
she had heard about.
Anger
Ball
Behind
Burn
Carnival
Catcher
Ceremonial
CPAP
Data
Death
Demon
Dennis, Rocky
Dionysus
Diving
Effect
Female
Face
Fencing
Fluid
Gas
Goalie
Groucho Marx
Halloween
Hidden
Iron
Janus
Japanese
Jung
Mardi gras
Mobile Armored Strike Kommand
Munch, Edward
Nixon
Odor
Oxygen
Polycarbonate
Tape
Welding
Zorro
Maybe she had missed it. Scrolling back she found it, and clicked.
“Pain, Masks”
Upgrading to priority mail, she would have it next time he said those words.

TJ

AHA!
They don’t show this in the comics.
My heroic alter ego, AHA!, has a knack for anticipating where the bad
guy is going to be and then getting there ahead of him. I’m assisted
by logic, vector awareness and basic math.
So when I intuit the bad guy’s escape route from the bank heist will
take him through this nice lady’s living room and I get there ahead of
time I trip her Brinks home alarm. The police pull off my mask and I’m
just Harold Feinstein, math teacher.
They got the other guy too. We’re sharing a cell. AHA!

Norval Joe

The warbling call to prayer echoed from the minarets of the city’s mosque. Those close by made their way quickly inside. Faithful believers, too far away to reach the building by the appointed hour, rolled out prayer rugs in their homes, businesses and even in the dusty cobbled streets.
A man walked quickly from his truck, away from the mosque, his hood pulled down to mask his face.
Still others, far away, gathered around a table and two cell phones, in a small stuffy room.
They awaited the word.
One phone rang.
A voice said, “You may make the call.”

Planet Z

The face of the first CPR mannequin was modeled after a beautiful woman who had drowned in the River Seine.
Her death mask was a popular addition to many homes, and one of those led to its use on the dummy.
The most important lesson one learns with the dummy is only to administer CPR to someone who is not responding.
So when the dummy turned to me and moaned “Let me rest in peace!” I fainted.
And the entire class tried to administer CPR to me.
A broken nose and three cracked ribs later, I threw out the dummy.