Headache vs. Toothache

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So, you have a headache and I have a toothache.
Which one is worse?
I’m sure your headache is pretty bad, but headaches are better than toothaches, I think.
Toothaches often require weird people called dentists with some expertise in dentistry to resolve. They use large metal things with lots of sharp edges to stop the toothaches. Or they just poke and prod and jab for a while and then take a mold or two, saying you need to come back in tomorrow for more.
Then the bill arrives, your insurance company turns down the claim, and you get headaches.

With every lick

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of this lollipop?
Thanks to the replenishment spell on my tongue, the number is infinite.
With every lick, I restore what I have licked away.
Sure, it was painful to tattoo the sigils on my tongue, but I think it was well worth it.
The problem is, in casting the spell, my tongue has lost all sense of taste.
It’s like licking a marble on a stick now. Candy has lost all appeal.
I mean Candy, my apprentice.
She may enjoy it, but I’m left out in the cold.

Weekly Challenge #172 – The Walls Shuddered

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s The Walls Shuddered.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories this week?
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com/
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com/
Steve
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com/
Jeff from http://greathites.blogspot.com/
Rocky
Guy David from http://www.guydavid.com/
Norval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com/
TJ from http://tjaman.libsyn.net/
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Anima

The walls shuddered at the thought of the realtor. What had that hussy said? It would be best to raze the house, and start over? Damn her eyes.
Certainly, it would be wonderful to be polished and primped, like before. Then, She had been swathed in brilliant jewel toned paints, and sported stained glass, marbled front steps and gas lamps. She and her sisters had been the talk of the town. Now she stood alone, windows boarded over, gingerbread broken, porches swayed back: a faded granddame among a sea of prefabs and student tenements.
The once proud painted lady wept.

Lynda

Only two designers remained. For weeks every kind of degradation had been inflicted on the false walls of studio 7, from kitschy mirrors to neon animal prints, the wooden framework and sheetrock thought they’d felt it all.
When hobo chic was announced as the theme that would decide the champion, the vivacious male designer rushed off to collect every old newspaper in the building, while the grim art school girl merely announced she’d be creating eye-catching patterns using an assortment of urines.
As newspaper was torn and squirt guns were filled under the harsh spotlights, the walls shuddered imperceptibly.

Steve Y.

The walls shuddered as the zombies surged through the narrow channels, arms flailing against the old wooden walls as they charged mindlessly towards the bait. The survivors ran back and forth as fast as they could, hauling the contraption’s heavy ropes back and forth to keep it moving. Just when it seemed all hope was lost, the blue team managed to synchronize their efforts, leading their zombies into position to deflect a shot and knock the medicine ball into the opposing goal. It had taken quite a lot of resources to organize Zombie Foosball, but it was totally worth it.

Justin

I sat down on a bar stool in the greasy spoon. I looked at the chalked menu board and decided on The Frankenstein Burger. Half pound of burger with a slab of ham, and slathered in avocado, lettuce, pickles. Munster cheese melted down over all of it. Heaped beside it all were steak fries, which I drowned in catchup. I eat it a tasty bite at a time, savoring the flavor. I downed it all with root beer. I was back on the road with the radio tuned to Rascal Splats when the walls of my bowels began to quiver.

Jeff

The walls, they did Shake
It was not every day that you got to see something like this so Jack stood feet rooted to the ground starring, despite the obvious danger to life and limb. He had never seen anything like it, and if he thought about it he would probably would never see anything like it again. The walls were bleeding at the 53rd Precinct, and he had no explanation. He thought that he had seen every form of combustion known to man, this was something new. Then the roof exploded, and out shot, but what was it? it was time to call someone.

Rocky

I was told there would be days like this. My mother was right!
It started three days ago. Don’t know where it came from, but one day in the meeting room at work, the walls shuddered. It actually happened twice, but the first time, nobody seemed to notice.
And then again last night, standing in the frozen food aisle, standing amid some senior citizens, the walls shuddered. You wouldn’t believe the panic and chaos that exploded after that.
I believe it’s over now. There was one more shudder a few minutes ago, but I think I’m safe now. My job is done here.

Guy David

The saying used to go “on the internet nobody knows you’re a dog”. This is not the case anymore, which is why I wasn’t surprised when the walls shuddered and the secret police stepped in. It was a risk any hacker of my caliber is always prepared for. I quickly took out the can and sprayed them with my special virus. They froze in place like so many statues. My government’s decision to replace all of the police force with robots was something I always approved of. I quickly packed everything and left the private room at the internet café.

Norval Joe

Two French explorers struck out from Cape Town with a band of bush men. The leader of the band of bush men divided the supplies and spoke to his fellows in a language of clicks.
Each of the band carried a long spear to fend against large animals.
Pierre Le Roux smiled at his companion Henry De Wallis. “There may be lions about, but it is the snakes that will kill you.
One morning Henry awoke to find his companion dead, his body bloated from the poisonous bite of a Cape Cobra.
Sickened by the sight, Henry Du Wallis shuddered.

TJ

Pietro countered the “less is more” aesthete with ornamentation reminiscent of Versailles, challenged the expectations of the cognoscenti, and in defiance of everything appropriate, crammed his palette with influences ranging from ’50s kitsch, plastic lawn flamingos, velvet Elvises, dogs playing poker — a celebration of chintz like nothing so much as a rummage sale in a John Waters film.
So why did they call him in to redecorate their daughter’s room while she was visiting Mexico? Who knows? All anyone knew for sure was as Pietro approached with armloads of fuschia pinatas and gaily colored sombreri, indeed, the very walls shuddered.

Planet Z

He’s four hundred pounds. She’s even bigger.
They live upstairs.
Every night, half a ton of sweaty, sloppy sex rocks their bed and hammers the floor like an angry army of screaming Vikings.
The plaster falls. The walls shudder.
They only stop when the pizza guy arrives.
Two large pizzas each, and a sixpack of diet Coke.
Five minutes later, when they’re done with dinner, they’re back at it.
For a while, I’d practice the tuba while they did it. Baby Elephant Walk.
The phone rang.
They had called to invite me upstairs to play for them while they… ewwwwwwwwww.

The Ex

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The second-longest wait is from the time you issue a Reboot command to the time your bridebot opens her eyes and sees you for the first time as her husband.
The glint in her eye, the look on her face… it affects everything she says and does.
The longest wait is, of course, when you reverse the firmware flash for the divorce to take effect.
Usually, the glint and the look are long gone by then.
The memories remain, though, which is why it’s best to do a seven-pass erase procedure before recycling any bridebot.
Exes suck, especially metal ones.

Mr. Twelve

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On either end of the table, Mister Midnight sat.
One was a man in a cloak with a silver hourglass.
The other wore a zoot guit, tapping a silver cane.
Neither worked with The League Of Heroes, so they weren’t on the registry that prevents these situations.
Their lawyers drafted up an agreement, trying to avoid a embarrassing superhero fight.
“What if neither of you were Mister Midnight?” they suggested. “You be The Dark Hourglass, and you’re After Hours.”
The heroes thought, smiled, and shook hands.
The lawyers got the papers signed and returned to The League of Evil headquarters.

Imperfection

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Try as you might, perfection never lasts.
The moment you come close to perfection, the imperfections stand out in contrast so clearly.
That makes it easier to find and remove them, and makes the remaining imperfections stand out even more clearly.
The knife is steady, but the flesh resists. One final flaw, and this girl will be the pinnacle of existence.
I put the knife down. I will not cut.
No, there will be no scar. I don’t need lasers like others do, but my work is always perfect.
Perfection, averted twice, laughs and hides in the shadows once again.

The Candy Prince

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The Candy Price sits on his chocolate bunny, watching the troops walk past.
His lemondrop eyes glisten in admiration of his army.
“March, my men!” he cheers, and the army raises a shout.
A gumdrop button falls from his Marzipan coat. He has been outside for too long today.
He returns to his palace, inspecting his frosting hair in the mirror.
“I am coming apart!” he cries to his butler. “Help me!”
He tries to change suits, but feels something snap.
The chef-surgeon arrives, but shakes his head.
“So, how do you feel about being The Candy Princess?” he offers.

Crime In E Minor

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The detective looks at the body and says “Round up every violinist.”
He is holding a smashed instrument, and his conclusions would be sound if he were correct about one thing: that is a viola, not a violin.
They dust it for fingerprints… none at all.
I wore gloves, you see.
Yes, it was me, dear reader. I am the murderer.
And that is my viola.
The violinists come in, one after the other, but each has an alibi.
It is a year later, he is no closer to solving the case.
Good.
Because my new viola thirsts for blood.

Unmaking Plans

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We spent our lives together, always making plans.
We planned to have children, but never did.
We planned a trip around the world, but we never left the village more than a few days.
We planned to build a gazebo and a bridge across the creek, but when you look out back, you see nothing but grass, trees, and water.
For years, we made plans like these.
I sit here, by her bedside, waiting for the ambulance to arrive.
They will arrive too late.
“What shall I do?” I asked last night.
“Enough of plans,” she said. “Just do whatever.”

Weekly Challenge #171 – Unprepared

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Seventy-One, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Unprepared.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best this week?
Elizabeth
Dedric from http://www.lewismoten.com
TJ from http://tjaman.libsyn.com
Guy David from http://www.guydavid.com/
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Lynda from http://sisterpepperspray.blogspot.com
Norval Joe from http://www.norvalsoutlook.blogspot.com
Elly from http://www.connected2christ.com
Justin from http://www.thespaceturtle.com
Jeffrey from http://greathites.blogspot.com/
Planet X from http://planetxpodcast.com
Danny from http://dannymachal.com
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Elizabeth

“What do you mean you don’t have a fire extinguisher?” I asked Gary in a low, growl of a voice.
“Um, I, uh.”, he replied. Then he just looked around nervously. The fire leapt even farther away from the candle in the sink and started quickly eating the walls around us.
“And you can’t just psychically put out the fire too?”
“Not really.”
“Fine!” I muttered, thinking of how much the dorm would charge us for this. “But if we get out of here, I’m showing you my magical powers.” And then I showed him my claws.

Lewis

As the night turned into morning, a man was still working tirelessly
completing his latest project. A crowd of spectators had gathered
talking amongst themselves questioning what it was that the man was
doing.
“Eureka! I have finally finished.”
His tools fell to the ground, and the man started to walk away. Some
reporters quickly went after him to ask about his feat. Some of the
onlookers started to walk up to a large contraption of wires, pipes,
screws, and duct tape.
The reporters were unprepared for the man’s response.
“It is a machine to program the time on VCR’s.”

TJ

Her mother’s lemon pepper chicken and rice always received rave reviews and Sally was determined to impress her husband’s supervisor and his wife.
“This meal could make or break his promotion,” Sally fretted. “Now what’s the recipe?”
The secret was chicken stock simmered into the rice for an hour at three-hundred fifty degrees.
She’d already set the chicken breasts to marinate with peppercorns and lemon slices in the refrigerator.
She got the rest of her house ready, set the table, one last primp in the mirror … she froze, horrified.
The chicken was still in the refrigerator.
“Honey, I’m home!”

Guy David

I unbuttoned her shirt and kissed her neck slowly and softly, delighting in her sweet moans. She responded by nibbling softly at my ear. I took off my own shirt and rubbed my bare chest against her erect nipples. She reached out and unbuttoned my pants, sending her hand inside, grabbing my penis who reacted by stiffening and rising, meeting her hand half way. I shivered, waves of pleasure crawling up and down my spine, and grabbed her firm buttocks. She breathed harder as I started pulling her pants off. I was unprepared for the firm member I found there.

Anima

Unprepared? Me?
I am the epitome of preparedness. I have ready bags in the closet: red is for beach, blue for mountains and the duffel has arctic gear; my pantry is stocked with food for a year, and there is a sheet cake in the freezer in case company drops in. I’ve started my doctorate thesis, even though I have not been accepted to grad school yet. My car is current on all factory suggested maintenance, but I have a bicycle as backup. I even have a second bike as backup to my backup.
My pants? Of course I put…

Lynda

I came here totally unprepared. I had never been a human before. I had no idea what I was meant to do. Looking around me, I noticed I wasn’t alone. It didn’t make me feel any better.
Those around me taught me how to dress and how to think. I learned their language, ate their food and drank their drink. I felt safe.
Then one day the sun illuminated another path, and I wondered if I could be someone else in this lifetime.
I’m totally unprepared for what comes next. So is everyone else. I feel okay about it. Alive.

Norval Joe

I had a crappy week. It started on Saturday when Lawrence left my audio out of the podcast. But that’s ok. He said I didn’t have to pay the entry fee this week. This gives me enough money to take my wife to a movie tonight. Then Jeff left me out of the poll at Great Hites. I told Mick Bordet that I would write my 100 word story about two Scotsmen, imitatingIrishmen, telling limericks, but I was too unprepared to get that done. Well, I guess I better get into my story. No. Wait. Ninety-eight, ninety-nine, one hundred.

Elly

She was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on with her soft skin, and golden curls. He often wondered how he ever got so lucky as to have such a beauty in his life. Her baby blue eyes twinkled as they followed him across the darkened room. He haste-fully continued searching through his pant pockets. No, not there either. He smiled sheepishly at her and continued his search, finally finding one in the dresser drawer. Slowly sliding her undergarments down, he braced himself by placing the clothes pin on his nose, only to have forgotten the wipes.

Justin

Apparently when you die, there is a waiting area.
“Oh no you didn’t!”
You wait there for judgment until after the apocalypse.
“I taught you so much better!”
I died in a car accident.
“I told you to drive carefully!”
I wasn’t prepared for the long wait.
“You weren’t much prepared for a whole lot of things apparently!”
So I’m waiting here for who knows how long, listening to my late mother constantly berate me.
“Don’t talk that way to me boy! You’ve shamed our family. I can’t believe you died in a dirty pair of underpants! Lord have mercy!”

Jeffrey

I was prepared for the werewolf. I mean it was not like he was stealthy or anything. I had heard him howling every night for the last three weeks. So I went out and bought the silver bullets that I would need to stop him. What I was not prepared for was the toupee.
“You wear a toupee?” I asked as he bent down to pick it up.
“Well a wolf has to keep up appearances, and it was a mid life crisis thing you know.”
So now I prowl the streets and drink the blood of innocent bald men.

Planet X

Jimmy leafed through one set of photographs and compared them to another set for the hundredth time. Always with the same results, it had cost him his job, but was unmistakable proof of his quest of the last two years. He had thought at first that Lois was playing a joke when she told him during the big celebration party after Lex’s ultimate defeat.
Jimmy had spent weeks on end gathering all photographs, newspaper articles, and interview recordings until he had undeniable proof. But, even with all this Jimmy still was unprepared to acknowledge that Clark Kent was indeed, Superman.

Danny

Charlitok stood in line with the other veteran soldiers.
The commander is awarding accommodations.
Charlitok is proudly advancing to join an elite group who dawn the freshly killed head of a mighty grizzly bear.
Charlitok digs his heals into the soft earth, holds his head high, and tenses his muscles in attention.
As his commander lowers the head of the bear he feels a massive weight of responsibility, to protect his brethren soldiers and the tribe.
“Good job Charlie, next scout rank is Webelos right?” his Mom said.
The applause and screams from the tribe echo in Charlitok’s ears.

Planet Z

Yes, the motto of the Boy Scouts is “Be Prepared.”
My motto is “Get In, Get Out, Get Receipts.”
Planning just bogs you down in hand-wringing and debate while carrying tools for every occasion just gets in the way.
No plan survives battle anyway, right? Why bother planning?
Instead, you need to be free to maneuver, quick to think, and scrounge what you need on the spot.
So when the lady came up to the window asking for three Big Macs and fries, I sprang into action.
“BRING ME A COW, A SACK OF POTATOES, AND A SLEDGEHAMMER!” I shouted.