Felver Rate

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The government reports appear on my desk on the third Tuesday every month.
It is my job to inspect them for investment opportunities or legal loopholes.
Every month, a new statistic appears. This month I noticed a label called Felver Rate.
There was no explanation or formula. Just a graph showing a slow decline over time.
Is this a good thing, like unemployment, or is it a bad thing, like graduation rates?
I call the author… Dr. Daniel Felver, but I got a recording.
He’s at a Weight Watchers meeting.
I look at the graph… Those numbers could be pounds.

Roadkill

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Usually, we see dead possums and armadillos by the side of the road, but this was the first time I’ve seen a panda.
Turning it over with my shovel, sure enough, it was a panda.
Big bastard. I couldn’t lift it. So, I had to call for help.
The county cut back to one-man crews a few months back to save on costs.
Instead of jabbering in the truck cab, we jabber over the two-way.
Joe pulled up, and looked at it.
“Can you eat panda?” he asked.
“Let’s find out,” I said, and we loaded it into the truck.

The Cloud Whisperer

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He lays back in a field, guiding the clouds across the sky.
The Cloud Whisperer rules the heavens by sheer willpower.
The clouds are happy to do his bidding. It delights them to float where he asks.
He hardly notices the roar of the crowd around him, the players in their helmets and pads.
This championship needs to be played. the rain needs to stop for just a few hours.
“Please,” he says to the sky.
The clouds shift slowly, rising and thinning.
The game will be played.
“Thank you,” says the mayor. “Now get your clothes back on, Bill.”

Elevator

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The elevator doors open and I step in.
The doors close.
Usually, it’s a smooth ride. And very peaceful.
But I can hear breathing.
Loud, heavy breathing. Raspy. Angry.
I don’t want to look… I watch the numbers.
More breathing.
It’s starting to scare me.
The numbers go up… and up… and up…
The breathing is unbearable.
The elevator stops and the doors open.
I run out of the elevator and watch the doors close, sealing the breathing in once again.
Hopefully, they’ll switch the tape back to the elevator music. This Halloween loop tape is really creeping me out.

The Ducks

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When I was little, we would go to the Volkswagen offices and feed the swans at the pond.
We’d take a lot of white bread to the pond and crumble it up and toss it in the water.
It would float until a swan would swim over to it and gobble it up.
Repeat that for a half an hour, with occasional swans swimming around each other trying to get the bread.
No fights, though. They all worked it out somehow in swan-talk.
My brother and I, though, we fought like hell for the last of the bread to throw.

Weekly Challenge #129 – Light

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number One Hundred And Twenty-Nine, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was selected by Cenedra, and we went with Light.
The excellent theme music is by Guy David
VOTING

Which were the best stories of Weekly Challenge #129?
Anima from http://zabbadabba.com
Nika from http://diamondrust.mypodcast.com
Philip
Jeffrey from http://greathites.blogspot.com
Steven from http://ideatrash.blogspot.com
Mike
Almo
Eva from http://evamoon.net
Justin from http://www.thebeandom.com/spaceturtle
Fricker from http://www.thefrickerfrequency.com
Planet X from http://planetxpodcast.com
Tom from http://midi.libsyn.com
Guy David from http://guydavid.com
(Wilma)
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):


Anima

Ai! Mama, I am afraid!
What is it, hijo?
I saw the chupacabra! That is his shadow on the wall… he is outside!
You saw what? Your grandmother has been telling you
stories…She would have to talk to Abuela about frightening the boy.
I only see your cousin Lupito, coming home late… Go to sleep now, hijo mio.
Can I have a light, mama? The chupacabra might come back….
Just for a while…
Luz knew that soon, she would have to tell her son about the
family history, that there were real monsters, much much more frightening than some
village myth.

Nika

She sat on the hillside, shrouded by the shadows from a cluster of bushes. Gazing out over the city that had been her home for the past two years, the Hollywood sign loomed behind her. The lights of the city sparkled in the darkness, reflecting upward to paint the horizon a rusty shade of red. It had taken her months to resolve her decision on what to do next, but she had decided.
The breeze stirred, awaking her from her reverie as it whispered across her fur. Amber eyes turned upward to find the moon. It was time to leave.

Philip

Grimey black and grey tiles invited him down grocery store ailes of increasing gloom and darkened potential. Shadowed boxes and cans in layered dust offered hidden rewards.
Overhead the yellowed and brown stained palstic filtered the weak florescence, illuminating nothing.
He turned to look back and saw, far off, down a tunnel, or in a dream, a memory: the door.
When had he come in through the door?
Beyond the door was the city with its cars, and people, and places; and life.
Here was dark, an aisle, dust, and the door.
In the door was a window and light.

Tom

Fred woke up in hell. The light was dim but not dark. He looked around and saw this pleasant green glow he remembered from his childhood. His grandma’s round green
nightlight.
“That the devil’s nightlight” said Larry the demon.
“I thought hell was supposed to be full of torments. Why a night light?”
“Oh Heavens, there aren’t any torments here. The light is there so you don’t bump
your knee.”
“What about punishment?”
“Absence of God.”
“Hell that’s you so bad.”
Larry tucked Fred into bed and kissed him good night. Fred remembered just how much
he missed his grandma.

Steven

Harsh morning sunlight woke me in the field. I was beside the
gnawed-on corpse of Vinnie. Bits of shredded clothes and shredded
Vinnie slid off me when I stood up. Damn. Three weeks of undercover
work ruined because I was hungry and couldn’t remember wolfsbane.
I gave Vinnie’s corpse a once-over, not expecting anything left.
Chewed tendon, maybe, but not a… pre-paid cell phone. With an
incoming call on it.
My smile scared the desk cop when he traced the call, when he gave me
a name. Tonight, I will solve the case. Tonight, I will hunt by
moonlight.

Mike

He labored under the heavy burden, almost more than even he could lift, and began the trek home. The sun’s rays beat mercilessly from the cloudless sky, reflecting up at him from the white surface. The heat was intense, but he couldn’t stop. He had a task to complete – others depended on him.
Suddenly, just as pounding vibrations warned of approaching danger, a shadow passed over him and then a light brighter than the sun itself appeared, immobilising, searing him, until –
In the magnifying glass’s focused beam, the ant popped. The boy laughed, then went in search of more prey.

Almo

There is a time when a man has to choose. He sits at the bar, fingers
playing over the mahogany, thinking done. He stares into space for a
moment, reviewing once again the mental calculations, the logical steps, the
intuition that has brought him to this point.
He breathes and holds. He exhales long and hard.
His mind and conscience are clear.
The time for thought has been shoved aside by the time for action.
He glances up at the woman’s expectant face on the other side of the
bar, her body partially hidden by beer taps.
“Light,” he says.

Eva Moon

She noticed it as soon as she got up: she was lighter. Not thinner,
but somehow less affected by gravity. Her feet hardly touched the
carpet as she drifted downstairs. TV Newscasters were grim: global
warming, pollution, the end of the world.
She grew lighter as the day went on. By evening she had to hook her
toes under the edge of the cabinet to stay low enough to cook dinner.
Later, the moon shone bright in the window. She opened it and floated
up into the icy night. Around her countless other shapes were rising.
Spores seeking fertile soil.

Justin

Now dead, I’m not surprised by the tunnel or the light at one end. I am surprised that the light is a zippo. While I didn’t particularly believe in an afterlife until now, I’d seen enough movies to not be too surprised. I am a bit concerned, though. I never listened to anyone when they tried to tell me about God, Jesus loves me, all that stuff. The fact I was shot by cops after murdering has me on edge, too. I’m grabbing the zippo, nothing bad is happening. I guess I’ll travel the tunnel.
“Hey buddy, got a light?”

Fricker

I had a dream last night … a dream of my little girl swinging at the local
playground, laughing, smiling… enjoying life
A dream of her going off to school in cute little pigtails… carrying her
My Little Pony lunch box… enjoying life
A dream of teaching her how to drive and how not to drive like her father.
Being scared out of my wits when I gave her the keys for the first time, but
not showing it.
I awoke from my dream when she turned on the living room light. “Daddy,
it’s time to walk me down the isle.”
She is my light.

Planet X

The forces of light began gathering their troops for the battle against dark ones.
Billy Bob was one of the first to enlist into the legions of light, hoping to be amongst those who would make the assault.
The day Billy Bob was issued his Star Trooper uniform; he was so proud, parading around, showing off the power of it to his family and friends.
He trained day and night to be a Star Trooper of the mighty fleet of starships.
Billy Bob was more than puzzled when he was given his job classification, just what was a “Head” Orderly?

Jeffrey

“MIS, Jeff.”
“Hi Jeff, this is vendor Bill”
“Hi Bill.”
“Jeff, what’s the Joke?”
“Huh?”
“I got your package.”
“Help me out. I didn’t send a package.”
“It has a Polaroid of a computer screen.”
“You’re kidding me, right?”
“Nope!”
“I told you know who to get a screen shot of the error.”
“The one with the typewriter?
“The same.”
“Maybe If the light from the flash didn’t obscure the screen.”

Guy David

Back in their hotel room, Bob was looking at his now drunken Harriet with distaste. She was completely oblivious. Bob sighed. He remembered Mike the hacker’s ass, rising and falling rhythmically above his Harriet, both of them so deep in ecstasy that they didn’t noticed the light in the hallway or the fact that he was standing there, staring at them before he went back out into the street. He looked at that Burroughs book Harriet brought with her. He stared at the apple he just took a bite off. “Let’s play a little game of William Tell” he said.

Wilma

Planet Z

Brother Theodore closes the door to the church and goes from candle to candle, gently snuffing each with a brass implement caked in ancient wax and soot.
“We will not clean it until Christ’s return,” said his predecessor, just as he has taught his own eventual replacement.
“When do I light them?” asked Theodore.
“You don’t,” said the old priest hastily. “They light themselves. And don’t get curious about it. Just… believe.”
Theodore stayed up to watch. Every rector of the church did it. And every rector regretted it afterward, the sight of a smiling demon licking each wick aflame

The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #87

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Senator Douglas walked the streets, laughing and rubbing his hands.
“What’s so funny?” asked a farmer.
“Your president is a cannibal!” said Douglas, and he laughed himself silly.
“That’s a lie!” said the farmer, but Douglas was gone, telling some other person the same lie.
Ten thousand times that day, Douglas lied.
The next day, when people accused him of lying, Douglas denied it and held a bloody stump out of his sleeve. “Lincoln tried to eat me!”
Well, Lincoln did try to eat Douglas, but even the slimy Douglas had his pride and wouldn’t show what he’d bitten off.

The Wacky Adventures of Abraham Lincoln #86

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Lincoln assembled his generals and announced: “I have given you carte blanche, you must use your own judgment and do the best you can.”
He also told that to the landscapers.
The next day, Lincoln awoke to a magnificent garden of flowers, trees, paths, and fountains on the White House grounds.
“This is truly splendid,” said Abe. “But where did the field hospital go that was here?”
“We’ve gotten those bums out of their cots and down to the quarry, mining granite for your pyramid,” said a landscaper.
Lincoln laughed. He’d look splendid, wrapped in linen and decorated in gold.

Caution

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Caution was her name, taken from the yellow tape across the door of the abandoned nursery they found her in.
You would think someone would realize the tape was there as a warning, But most folks are soft-hearted and assume all babies are safe.
This one certainly isn’t Whoever left her there, hoped she’d die.
She didn’t.
The rescuers naming the baby Caution, well, that takes a special kind of stupid.
Stupid makes for easy mind control.
Caution giggles and points to the roof.
“Jump!” she squeals.
We all giggle along and climb out the window. This will be fun!

New Shoes

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They say you don’t know a person until you walk a mile in his shoes.
So the moment I put on a new pair… Amnesia!
I hadn’t yet walked a mile in them.
Who am I?
Where am I?
Hey, these are some nice shoes.
I walked around the mall, staring at my driver’s license.
The people at the Information Desk offered to call an ambulance, but I felt fine.
I jingled the car keys in my hand… which was my car?
I wandered the parking lot, confused.
From now on, I’m using a treadmill and writing myself a note.