Thanksrobbing

Over the river, and through the woods to the prison where grandmother’s serving time for armed robbery.

“Social Security and Medicare suck,” said grandmother. “But if you’re in prison, you get everything covered.”

Prison food’s bad, and it’s actually better than the crap Meals On Wheels brought to her run-down apartment every day.

So, instead of clipping coupons and looking at cans of cat food at the end of the month, she robbed a bank.

We brought a pumpkin pie. She pulls out the file, and throws it at me.

“Don’t do that again,” she says. “I like it here.”

Shrink

Richard Matheson’s book “The Shrinking Man” was retitled “The Incredible Shrinking Man” by his publisher.

I suppose it’s possible for someone to think a shrinking man is not incredible unless told so bluntly.

Go ahead and try it yourself. Walk up to people at random and shout either “I’m the shrinking man!” or “I’m the incredible shrinking man!”

See which people are more impressed, stunned, or horrified.

If someone calls the police on you, forget about bail or calling anyone. Just wait until you’ve shrunk enough to fit between the bars.

Feel free to shout that out at the guards.

Awareness

Remember when people wore yellow ribbon pins to raise awareness of AIDS?

Then came ribbon pins of other colors for other causes.

Red for this.
Green for that.
White for some other thing.

I don’t remember all the colors and their meanings.

So, I stopped wearing any ribbon pins.

“Don’t you care anymore?” people would scream at me.

“It’s bullshit,” I said.

So, they gave me a hemp ribbon for Bullshit Awareness.

Well, not as much a ribbon, as a rope.

A hangman’s noose.

And they put it around my neck.

The other end just went over a tree branch.

Galactispeak

Galactispeak is a dialect of Ancient Varadne.

There is no Modern Varadne. All life on Varadne was exterminated in a planetary civil war many centuries ago.

The species may be gone, but archaeologists and xenoanthropologists pieced together the culture as best they could.

Their language was revealed to be amazingly flexible, descriptive, and efficient.

It is also incredibly easy to learn and master in a short amount of time.

So easy, Varadne spread like a virus across the galaxy, replacing almost all other languages.

We call it Galactispeak.

And we shout it as we fight each other to the death.

Weekly Challenge #448 – Community

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic: COMMUNITY

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of CRANBERRIES. Scroll up and click on Weekly Challenge to learn how to join us!

Carrot Killer

LADY BLUE

Listen to your higher selves. They know more than brothers.
by Blue sky

“We’re a learning community.”

“How so?”

“Every morning, Brother Mountebank preaches by the river, and we gather to sit and listen to his words.”

“So, what you’re saying, is that one assumed knowledgeable person passes their knowledge to a commune of ignorant people.”

“Basically, yes. We learn how to live based on the teachings of Brother.”

“I see. My understanding is that a learning community learns from each other as equals, sharing individual experience.”

“Brother hears voices from the higher self.”

“Well I do, too. And my higher self is telling me that I won’t be part of the audience.”

JOHN MUSICO

Community
by John Musico

When I first bought a house, I looked forward to living in a neighborhood like when I was a kid.
I remember those days fondly. I had been at just about every neighbor’s house countless times.
What I found instead; was that I’m at work all day and never stop off at anyone’s house.
Is it just this neighborhood? Then it dawned on me. The experience of a neighborhood I had as a kid was as a kid.
I was at that neighbor’s house playing with their children etc. while my parents were at work just as I am now.

MUNSI

Our Community

By Christopher Munroe

I’m proud of the community we’ve created.

We built replicants, from scratch, then programmed them to believe they were actual people, before dropping them into a perfect recreation of an early twenty-first century town.

In this recreation, they work, strive and live, believing themselves to be real human beings, believing their actions to matter in the grand scheme…

Believing nobody’s watching, taking notes.

There’s more conflict than we predicted, but they manage it among themselves, and to date the results we’ve gotten back have been… useful.

We’ve learned a lot, through their simulated lives, about how people lived back then…

JEFFREY

Community
by Jeffrey Fischer

Hello, children. I hope you’ve been well since we last talked. Now listen, I want to create a sense of community. You guys are spending a lot of time together, and it would be nice if you could get along, look out for one another, and so on. Honestly, nothing would warm my heart more than seeing some genuine friendships come out of this little group.

I know the shackles and locked doors don’t help, and mysterious disappearances of your roommates and neighbors may make you suspicious of each other, but, I implore you, don’t let that unpleasantness come between you. And believe me when I tell you that any screams you may hear are just screams of pleasure, I assure you…

Community Property
by Jeffrey Fischer

I explained the downsides of Communism to my Econ 101 students, but I saw a number of blank looks. I searched for an analogy they could relate to.

“How many of you have roommates?” Almost every hand shot up. “And how many have a common kitchen, refrigerator, and bathroom?” Nearly the same number of hands. “Ever had a roommate eat your food? Leave dirty dishes left in the sink? Make the bathroom so disgusting you think about waiting until you get to Starbucks?” Many vigorous nods.

“Then you’ve seen the wonders of community property in action: other people take your food and leave the place a mess, figuring someone else will deal with the problem. Eventually everyone goes dirty and hungry.”

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 80: Sixteen times

Finding the ‘Beta’ labelled security cameras was one thing, working out where exactly in the hospital they might be located was another thing entirely.

Sighing heavily, George picked up his roll of surgical tape and resumed his tour of the corridors, carefully taping over each security camera he came to, returning to the booth after each to identify which camera he’d found.

Sixteen weary trips back and forth later, he ruefully mused that he probably knew his way around the Park End Community Hospital better than its employees, but – more importantly – his determination had managed to locate camera ‘Beta 2’.

#2 – The Community Centre

The local community centre closed down last week. It was no surprise – after years of council spending on boarding-up windows, cleaning away graffiti and funding extra police patrols to deal with the druggies and layabouts that hung around outside, it was bound to happen.

It was the place we’d meet to argue about local projects; at times the community council almost came to blows over where to spend what little cash we had.

Most of the time we just disagreed, voting against each other and generally falling out.

Looking for community spirit?

At the community centre? No chance!

#3 – A real sense of community

Back in the good old days, they say, neighbours looked out for each other.

Grandma would leave her front door open and neighbours would pop in for a cup of sugar and maybe stop for a chat.

There was a real sense of community.

Personally, I think there still is – although just a little different now.

These days granny locks her front door.

The neighbours still pop in – they just kick the door in – help themselves to the sugar and anything else they can lay their hands on… Nothing’s changed.

Although they don’t stop to chat any more.

LIZZIE

From the breakfast table to the green garden and back, silence was part of life.

One day, a member of this community of a few dozen people thought “no more”. She felt like singing and that’s exactly what she did.

By nightfall, she had been expelled.

By the end of the week, the community had only two members left, its founders.

One turned to the other and said somberly “Words cannot express how disappointed I am…”

The other laughed. “That’s what you said, remember, when we started this thirty years ago. I guess we’re the only ones who hate words.”

CHELSEA

Community

It is said that our evolution as a spices is based on the fact that we gather together, forming units for support and protection.

It is very interesting and more than a little terrifying to see that as we develop more technology, technology that by its very nature makes it so that we no longer need to connect to each other in the same way for our mutual support and protection, that our society is more and more threatened. That there is more and more violence.

Maybe we should all put down the tech and connect with our community again.

SERENDIPITY

I live in a gated community: It’s a very exclusive address – we don’t let just anybody make their home here, you know.

We have a stringent vetting process and if you don’t fit our criteria, then I’m afraid you simply won’t make the grade – there are other places more suited to your sort.

It’s a very safe community too – security is tight, and once you’re in we expect you to abide by the rules, and the same goes for your visitors… We have very, very high standards.

Furnishings are pretty sparse though… especially here on death row.

TOM

Intentional Community

Frank grew up in a huge family, seven brothers and sisters, nine uncles, cousins beyond count. Oddly he had little contact with any family member after he made his way to the west coast. Frank would say “You’re stuck with family. You chose your friends.” Truth be told his intentional community was his family. Five couples had jointly purchased and 10 acres. Five little homes in a row. One by one Frank’s friends burn their mortgages. The community set up an emergency account to insure if any one person came to ruin they would not lost everything. That’s a community

ANIMA

PSA

We interrupt this normally scheduled program for an important Public Service Announcement…

Alert – Alert

There are people in your area that assemble coherent independent ideas, and should be considered dangerous.

Do not, I repeat, do not allow them to influence you into turning off your television.

They will encourage you to read books or spend time in contemplative thought.

Report anyone who would rather have a conversation in close physical proximity, rather than send a text or email. This is an early sign of deviant behaviour.

This has been a Group Think Community Alert, brought to you by The Hive.

SPATE

From Out of the Woods

Giving up the sophistication of city life when I relocated to this small
rural community was an adjustment tolerably made but still I have the
occasional moment.

As was the day a man emerged from the woods behind my house carrying a
shovel and a half-full lumpy burlap bag dripping some sort of dark red goo
that looked like burnt cranberry sauce.

I didn’t say a word but my look must have questioned him.

He squinted, put on his best local friendly smirk and offered, “Hunting
chipmunks, want some?”

“No thanks,” I said, “I get mine at the grocery store.”

(music: “City Slickers” by Brian Boyko / curator: freepd.com / Creative
Commons Public Domain)

DIONYSIUS

Flee from Me, Devil Fleas

In the beginning, contrary to what you’ve been told, the Devil created a mess. Billet and Doux were fleas on the Devil’s ass.

It’s hot down here, said Billet.

And smelly, said Doux.

Perfect! they said and took a big bite together.

Now the Devil, in his imperfect omniscience, overheard their laughter, and waxed even more wroth than was his wont. Perfection!? he roared. Get thee from behind Me, Satan!

Bite my puny red ass, muttered Doux, and see how you like it.

The Devil heard of course, didn’t like it, and cast them both out, where their friendship became the infinite community of us all.

NORVAL JOE

Superconductor flipped the lights on and Garbage Man followed into the room.
“Just what are you trying to prove to us with these video images?” The Crazy Old Cat Lady asked.
“A fairly extensive collection of memories, wouldn’t you say?”
“I understand that Superheroes would want a sense of community, but this is excessive,” Dergle said.
“Are you admitting you’re actually a hero?” Superconductor asked. “You just said Superheroes.”
“No I didn’t. I said, ‘Supervillains’.”
“No. You said, ‘Superheroes’.”
“I didn’t,” Dergle protested.
“Cat Lady. You heard him, didn’t you? He said, ‘Superheroes’.”
The Crazy Old Cat Lady only shrugged.

TURA

Community
——–
Do YOU know someone who is anti-community?

They don’t all live on their own, like in the movies, hiding behind closed doors, thinking their private thoughts. You could be talking to them every day. Do you ever notice that someone seems to be… elsewhere? Not participating fully? WITHHOLDING their thoughts from the community? They could be thinking ANYTHING AT ALL!!

Do them a favour. Report them to your local community officer. He will know how to safely deal with them, and when they’re eventually returned to your community, they’ll be sure to confess to everyone the error of their ways.

PLANET Z

Old Man Parsons was your typical “Get offa my lawn!” kind of geezer.
Old Man Williams, who lived next door, was the opposite.
“Come on over!” he’d shout. “The grass is lush and soft. And you’re welcome to the lemons on my lemon tree!”
So, the neighborhood kids would come over and play, and they’d pick the lemons and squeeze them into their waterbottles and drink.
And get sleepy. So sleepy.
“Come rest inside,” said Williams.
So, they came inside.
The kids were found the next day on Parson’s lawn, naked and confused.
And Parsons blasted them with his shotgun.

The topic of the next weekly challenge is CRANBERRIES

Hi there. This is Laurence Simon of the 100 Word Stories Podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

The topic of the next 100 Word Stories Weekly Challenge is Cranberries.

Want to give it a shot? Write an email to isfullofcrap (at) gmail.com with the subject line of WEEKLY CHALLENGE.

Include the following in your email:

– The text of your 100 word story on the topic.
– Your site’s URL, if you have a site and aren’t ashamed to share it.
– A topic for the next Weekly Challenge.
– And a recording of your story (and any shameless plugs).

If you hate the sound of your voice or can’t record your story for some reason or another, that’s your problem. Deal with it.

Everything’s due by Sunday morning when I put the episode together. However, if you’re running late, I can put your story up on the feed in a separate post.

Good luck, and as always… keep it brief.

COMING SOON:
Shoe
Patient
New Jersey
Underground
Value
Piracy
Mess
If you’re happy and you know it
Sargon, Hammurabi, Ashurbanipal, and Gilgamesh (The Mesopotamians!)
Eat
I’ve got nothing
Strike
After
Trench
South
Paint
Correct
Pen
Pan
Let’s create a pantheon. The God(dess) of _________________.
Anchor
Fit
Troll
A word that doesn’t exist
Cheese
Try
Ounce
Wave
Tramps
Sing