The Tire Swing

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Back when I lived in Shermerville a long time ago, there was a huge willow tree in the yard.
My dad hung a tire swing from it, and we’d swing on that.
When the knot would come loose, the tire would fall and roll and bounce around.
If you were inside it, well, you got knocked around with it.
After a few times that happened, instead of making the knot safer, the rope and tire were removed
Sometimes, I think back to that tire swing.
Then I look around at the world, and I realize, the knot is coming loose.

To Hate A Pancake

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Every year, the robotics class faced a challenge.
Last year, they had to move tennis balls from one container to another.
The year before, their robot had to snuff out candles.
It’s announcement Day, and the teacher cheerfully shouts to the class:
“This year, you will construct machines that hate pancakes.”
The students formed teams, and each were handed an identical basket full of spare parts.
Plus, a box of pancake mix.
Five weeks later, the confused students lined up their robots.
The first was turned on, and it attacked the janitor.
“Pancakes, not Mexicans!” shouted the teacher. “You fail!”

Patrick

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Patrick hated St. Patrick’s Day.
Every March, people would start calling him “Saint Patrick” and expect him to wear green.
They’d call him “Paddy” in a really bad Irish brogue, rub their hands through his red hair, and pinch his rosy cheeks.
This year, he caught wind that he was going to be paid in pennies in a pot.
“A pot of gold!” the payroll specialist chirped.
“Pennies are zinc and copper, you idiot!” Patrick shouted.
That’s when he snapped.
That night, carrying a thick sack into the office, Patrick loosened the rope around the end and released the snakes.

Jacketless Day

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Today is my first Jacketless Day of the year.
It’s nice enough out for me not to wear my leather jacket.
I figure I’ll leave it on the back of a chair for a few days, then it will go back up in the closet, waiting for the next Jacket Day of the year.
I should go through my jacket pockets and get everything out of them that I need, but leave a few things in there to surprise me when Jacket Day comes again.
Nothing sharp, though. Just something weird, like a slinky or a green glowing golf ball.

Weekly Challenge #203 – Desperately Ostentatious and Disconnected?

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Welcome to the Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Three, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was… was…. um…
It’s Desperately Ostentatious and Disconnected? !
VOTING

Which were the best stories this year?
Zachmann
Steven
TJ
Norval Joe
Anima
Planet Z
  
Free polls from Pollhost.com

Go ahead and listen to them and then vote for your favorites (multiple selections are allowed):

Zachmann

See my great coal powered zeppelin. Your tax dollars at work. Do you know how many teachers we fired to afford this? It’s for my job with one of the local departments in charge of enforcing environmental laws. I use my coal powered zeppelin to search for and report people breaking the spare the air law and using a fireplace or pellet stove on cold nights. You might think a zeppelin is desperately ostentatious but I think my bosses in Sacramento are totally disconnected from reality. At least they replaced the Hummer H1 that was so unpopular with the public. zackmann (next topic “you Know what you did”)

Steven

Danielle watched the officers unplug her robotic daikaiju.
It’s giant arms stopped waving to the children on the ferris wheel.
The roar faded as the speakers fell silent. Neon eyes flickered into
blank darkness.
Mark’s hand fell on her shoulder. “Danielle, it was too gaudy for the
state fair. The wreckers will be here tomorrow.”
Danielle’s fingers wrapped around the remote. Her fingers caressed
the single large button.
She pushed it.
Giant batteries flared to life. The monster’s eyes lit up, feet
rising, breaking free.
Danielle smiled, running toward her monster’s waiting arms.
They had a rampage to go on.

TJ

“Come in, come in, come in to my Oscar Night party! We begin with the champagne and caviar – oh you’ll love my caviar it’s from the same supplier as Crofts but I get a deal. And the tuna mousse, oh I swear by my tuna mousse it’s like a cloud. Yes, you, Snowdrop, you sit there like a little lady and Mr. Boots, so handsome, so good you could join me! And oh, Mittens, try the pate!”
Crispin Glover popped his warped, worn tape of the 1985 Oscars into his dusty VCR amid his stuffed, long-dead kitties, and hit “play.”

Norval Joe

“Look at him.” Henry said to William. “One would suspect a person of hgh posistion, as he claims to be, would be more aware of social mores.”
“Indeed, William,” the other replied after savouring a sip of wine. “His choice of attire is desperately ostentatious, and entirely innapropriate for evening wear.”
“Well said, my good fellow,” Henry added, “he appears either physically lost, or at least disconnected from reality. Does he think he’s Richard the Lionheart?”
The winos scrabbled backward in the garbage filled alley as teh man pull a sword from its scabbard.
“Actually, I’m King Arthur,” he said.

Anima

“Felix, “Desperately Ostentatious” for two hundred…”
“Susan, this pop icon underwent numerous skin and facial transformation surgeries, and finally overdosed last year”
“Michael Jackson!”
“That’s not in the form of a question. Steve, you’re up”
“Desperately Ostentatious for eight hundred”
“This Philippine beauty queen, aka the “Steel Butterfly”, encouraged the poor to plant flowers and declined to purchase the Empire state building in the 80’s…”
“Who is Imelda Marcos!”
Nicely played…. One moment folks – the judges are conferring… Unfortunately, that last clue should have been for the category of “Socially Disconnected” and will not be counted– buzzers at the ready…”

Planet Z

Shirley Winston? Not her.
We can’t have her bidding on the art.
Which is her agent? Point him out.
He’ll never represent ever again.
You remember the stunt she pulled last season? She bought up an entire lot, and then had it burned, smashed, and displayed in a run-down abandoned warehouse.
I know she’s angry at losing her husband in the accident, but this is madness.
Four billion dollars in the hands of an angry sociopathic cripple.
We can’t stop her. She pays to keep the doctors and lawyers from committing her.
Which is her agent?
No! All of them?

The Mermaid Feast

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Old Captain Jack was a friend to all creatures of the sea, so when he died, they took his boat out thirty miles from shore and cast him into the briny deep.
Six mermaids caught his shrouded body and escorted him over the horizon.
The crew set course for port, but winds blew them back out, and they came across the mermaids.
They were feasting on Jack’s corpse, hands drenched in gore and blood.
The crew wanted to fire their cannon to scatter the mermaids, but instead they just watched.
Watching half-naked cannibal women are better than nothing, I suppose.

Fooling Osiris

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Rameses knew he was a royal dick. His heart was heavy with guilt. So, he constructed a fake from red feathers.
“That way I pass Osiris’ Test of Balances and go into Paradise,” he said.
On the day of their master’s death, his assistants did as he wished. They tore out his heart, put it in a jar, and carefully implanted the feather construct.
Then, they were put to death and buried with him.
Osiris looked at the feather-heart.
“Light, isn’t it?” said Ramses.
“Yes,” he said. “Pretty.”
Then, he took out a jar. “But this one says you’re fucked.”

Clown Fights

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Billy and Bobby live next door to each other. They have the same birthday, too.
That’s caused problems.
You see, Billy and Bobby hate each other. And those feelings boil over when they have their birthday parties.
One year, they each got a pony. Cute, right?
Wrong. It ended up in a jousting duel.
This year, they’ve each got clowns. Bobby slashing Billy’s clown’s tires got things off on the wrong floppy-shoed foot.
The rubber chickens and balloon animals are flying. I’ve seen a few clods of dirt and bricks.
Better bring the cake inside. And get me my shotgun.

Olympic Medalist

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Sally trained hard for years, dreaming of the day that she’d win the gold at the Olympics.
Her family sacrificed so much for her, giving up so much so she’d have the best trainer and the best equipment.
They paid off the Board Of Education so that her training would count as school credits.
No need for math and science when there’s a medal to be won, right?
Which, that summer, she won.
And promptly then fell off the medal podium, shattering her leg.
No endorsements. No career.
Nothing.
For years, she used that medal to scratch off lottery tickets.

New Phone

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I bought a new phone.
It has a lot of features, but instead of sitting down and reading the manual, I’m going to power it up and then complain about how hard it is to use.
Yes, I’m that much of an impatient dick. Instead of spending a little time now to save a lot of time later, I just like to hear the sound of my own angry, bitching voice.
The box says it’s supposed to have all sorts of stuff. Including a stun gun.
But I don’t have time to read about it… hey, my first call!
YEOW!