Invasion – Part 3

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Kolek from The Kolektive has decided to join the crew of regulars in order to flesh out his Invasion series…

“Shoulda put that damn phone on vibrate” Murray thought when his phone loudly shrieked. The aliens began firing their weapons and he ducked. He then detonated the pack bomb. It didn’t hurt them, but it did stun them momentarily.
He took the opportunity to flee and take the call. “I’m in some deep kim-chee here, what is it?”
“We found a… thing at LH-5.” His caller said. Murray shut the phone and continued running. He wondered what the “thing” was.
Now, however, he had other things to worry about. He saw a Bio-tank lumber down the street towards him.

One Blow

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The Angel Gabriel sat on the curb and wept at the destruction and misery he’d witnessed over the centuries.
“It’s all my fault,” he moaned. “If I hadn’t lost my trumpet, I’d have ended this a long time ago.”
He’d backtraced his steps many times, but they all led back to a pub where he’d drunkenly pawned his horn for a bottle of whiskey.
The curb he sat on was in front of the skyscraper built where the pub used to be.
Sighing, Gabriel pulled out a handkerchief and blew his nose.
The skyscraper wobbled, and Reality began to fade.

Mime 3

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Andrew Ian Dodge continues the saga of The Mime…

As the boat stopped Maurice tried to access his options. He expected to hear splashing soon as the others were tossed overboard. There was no splashing only muffled screaming. The mime was not sure what he heard but he knew he felt something wrap around his body. Something that felt cold, smelled fishy and was quite strong. He felt himself rise into the air and the muscles in the tentacle tensed around him. Maurice tried to wriggle his way out its grasp and tentacle gripped harder. The mime’s breathing became increasingly hard he barely had enough to scream. He tried…

Caveat Lepus

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A rabbit hopped into a bakery.
“Ya got any carrot cake?” asked the rabbit.
“Sorry, no,” said the baker.
The next day, the rabbit came back.
“Ya got any carrot cake?” asked the rabbit.
“Sorry, no,” said the baker.
This went on for days. The baker began to feel bad for the rabbit, and so he decided to bake a carrot cake – cream cheese icing, the works.
The next day, the rabbit came back. “Ya got any carrot cake?” he asked.
“As a matter of fact, I do!” said the baker with a smile.
“Tastes like shit, doesn’t it?”

Pianissimoforte

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And now, for the first time, a mid-week 100 word story by Caleb Bullen of the Black Tie Martini Club Oddcast:

The defensive Baritone thundered at the conductor, “I can’t do this! Pianissimo is not my forte!”
The conductor countered meekly, “Of course it isn’t. Pianissimo isn’t anyone’s forte, the two words are antonyms. What you meant to say, I’m sure, is that Pianissimo is not your forte. You see, forte means loud and forte means something you’re good at”
“But I’m a trained baritone! What I’m good at is being loud! So again I say, Pianissimo is not my forte!”
The conductor swallowed two more aspirins and wished he’d listened to his parents when they suggested he become an accountant.

Tony’s Final Ride

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They found Tony impaled on the unicorn’s horn on the Merry Go Round.
“I want to ride on the unicorn!” he had shouted not less than an hour ago. “Now! Now! Now!”
The past year had been hell on Tracy. Being a big sister to a little brat was sheer hell.
Tracy smirked at the thought, and stepped up on the platform to get a closer look at her stepbrother.
He drooled blood, but the little retard was still smiling.
She stuck a hand in Tony’s pocket, pulled out the rest of his ride tickets, and ran for the Midway.

Kayak

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The starter’s pistol goes off, and we all rush to the freshest graves with our shovels.
Dig up the coffin, haul it to the take, and paddle to the other side.
Welcome to Morgantown’s Coffin Kayak Race.
Ever try it? You’ll learn quickly why funerals use six pallbearers.
Will it float? This is when the cheaper coffins are better, although if you end up with a really cheap or old coffin, you’ll take on water and go down fast.
Billy won last year, but he caught pneumonia and died after the race.
There’s his grave.
He’ll make a fine copilot.

Not Quite Panning Out

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Peter told Wendy to capture the second star to the right and fly straight on until morning.
Wendy wasn’t good at telling left from right. Instead of Neverland, the kids wound up shooting straight at a gas giant.
John screamed all the way down into the swirling, deadly maelstrom.
Wendy backtracked and tried again, but she miscounted and headed for the fourth star below.
Michael’s corpse can be found on an asteroid, his face frozen forever in horror.
Wendy flew back home and, when cornered, told a cock-and-bull story about kidnappers.
She’d gotten sick of John and Michael’s snoring, anyway.

Paddling To Redemption

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They say that if you stand out in the rain on Redemption Island, all of your troubles will be washed away.
Lord, we’ve got troubles.
So we checked the forecast, borrowed a boat from the factory, and paddled to Redemption.
There was nothing on the island but sand and metal blobs.
“Are we supposed to be naked when it rains?” asked Chloe.
Nobody knew.
The sky grew dark, and the rain began.
“It tingles!” giggled Chloe.
Then the sulfuric acid kicked in, and it started to burn.
Everybody else screamed, but I was laughing.
Troubles, flesh – what’s the difference?

Paperboy

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Teddy’s mother abanoned him.
She stuffed him into a newspaper vending machine instead of leaving him on a doorstep.
Every time someone bought a paper, they’d take a newspaper, but leave him in the machine.
Teddy grew up in that machine, learning to read from the headlines and living on free samples in Sunday editions.
“Hi, people!” Teddy said to people buying papers.
“Hi, Teddy!” people said back. “Bye, Teddy!”
Other machines showed up for alternative newspapers, circulars, weekly rags. What an eyesore!
The city passed a law making newspaper vending machines illegal.
Teddy’s machine vanished. And so did Teddy.