How do you write 100 word stories? #61

Many folk with strawberry birthmarks have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story

By their nature I would say writers are not superstitious; but, by design to amen they are. I think the process of marking stuff up leads one to a suspension of disbelief that can’t help jump the racks towards the para-real. My particular soft headedness is the embracing of Talismans. My talisman has major juju. It’s over 50 years old. I like to think of it as a Post Modern Kachina doll. If you’ve never typed before, it may look like a talisman. It is a round red rubber eraser with an attached green brush. The brush removes eraser crumbs.

Shambles

Y’all there in New York City may be having troubles, but here in Shambles, Oklahoma, things ain’t too bad, really.
School’s doin’ good.
Church is full every Sunday.
Business is business, I reckon.
“Your Life Is In Shambles!” is the motto of the Shambles Picayune and that always gets a laugh out at the barbershop.
You might ask yourself how we be doin’ so good?
Well, that rope around your neck and this here pentagram on the floor is part of the answer.
The rest, well, you can ask Satan when we sacrifice your soul to him in a minute.

How do you write 100 word stories? #60

Many folk with permanent eyeliner have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story

You may find this hard to believe but I’m actually going to tell you how I write stories for the challenge. On Sunday I read the topic at the site. The first idea that comes into my head is the one I work on. I take a piece of paper and fold it into quarter. I cover this area in a continuous stream of words. I do a word count in the right margin. I try to do 75 before setting the hook and a final twist. I remove adjectives and if needed remove subordinate clauses. 95% is left unedited.

Sled

I live in the south where it’s warm most of the time. When it gets cold, I can feel it. Deep.
Growing up, I lived north where it snowed. The cold didn’t bother me then. I loved it. It was fun.
We didn’t have sleds or saucers. Instead, we hosed down sheets of cardboard, let them freeze, and slid down hills, holding tight.
We crashed. We laughed.
One kid wanted to bobsled like they do in the Olympics.
A portable toilet on it’s side, door hanging open, full of kids.
And spilled shit.
Thank God I was the one pushing.

How do you write 100 word stories? #59

Many folk with wisdom teeth have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story

My wife was born in San Francisco. She doesn’t write stories, but knows a good story when it crawls out of the depths of a Midwest winter. If you were raise in Chicago you have no idea that there are vegetables other that corn. You think nothing of have a cup of instant coffee and velveta sandwiches on Wonder bread. Wine comes in the gallon and is red. Immersed in this culinary nightmare my wife pointed out the possibility of the following: A California Yankee in King Applesauce’s Court the tale of a man who bring sprouts to the Midwest.

Leprechauns

I’ve been doing some experiments with Leprechauns recently.
Just like werewolves, silver bullets kill them.
Just like vampires, a stake through the heart kills them.
Just like mummies, fire kills them.
Heck, pretty much everything kills a leprechaun.
Even Funyons. Those kill Leprechauns, too. Funyons!
These little green boogers are just a bunch of pussies, really.
I was just sitting there, minding my own business, when one of the leprechauns in my experiment keeled over and died.
Thank god they’re all dead. They started hoarding gold in my Caphalon pots and they scratched up the anti-stick coating.
Damn little bastards!

How do you write 100 word stories? #58

Many folk with two left feet have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story

I write stories in a 55 gallon drum. It is quiet and quite cozy. Just enough room for a writing table if you bend just so. I got a friend name Rudy who forklifts me around town. We start at Noah’s bangles and end up at Sizzlers. I always sit with by barrel to the wall; never know when one of the boys might be sent around to take someone out. Just last week a couple rounds put a dent in the front side of my drum. Boy that real pissed me off. Rudy dumped that sucker in the bay.

St. Pancake Day

Remember that crazy chick who got run over by a bulldozer in Gaza?
Truth is, she was one of those “late bloomer” girls.
Any bra she owned before she turned twenty was just wishful thinking.
She tried special diets, exercises, and even some weird gels and extracts she got from mail order catalogs.
None of them worked. Not even the hormones that transexuals use as part of their reassignment surgery.
Then one day, she woke up, and she had breasts.
Big ones.
“I’m not flat anymore!” she shouted.
Later that day, she went out to face the bulldozers.
Ironic, yes?

How do you write 100 word stories? #57

Many folk with attached earlobes have asked how do you Tom write a 100 word story

The Following is a whole hearted endorsement for drugs. Any minors currently reading must immediately stop and precede to the closest wholesome activity perhaps a church fellowship meeting. Remember Just Say No. Ok it’s just us adult then. I was an alter boy straight arrow boy scout. Ten hours after the big silver bird touched down in California I lit up my first joint. Didn’t do a thing, so I dropped a four way of window pain LSD on my eyeball. Truly haven’t been the same since, thank god. Works marginally well on the writing, works wonders on the seeing.

No Contest

I really don’t feel like eating anything.
Everyone’s telling me I’ve got to eat something.
“Here,” says a friend. “Have some pie.”
She puts a pie in front of me.
I don’t want to eat it.
So, I put my hands behind my back, imagine I’m thirteen again and I’m back at the county fair.
I’m in the pie eating contest.
My face goes down into the pie, and I slurp and chomp it up as fast as possible.
Licking the pie plate clean, I look up at my friend.
“ANOTHER!” I shout, laughing.
The funeral caterers only brought one.