Her eyes are so beautiful, so deep, and so bright.
I hired an artist to create glass eyes identical to them so I can carry them with me wherever I go.
A peek now and then reminded me of her beauty, like carrying a spring of lavender for the scent.
Then, when she died, I paid a taxidermist to have her mounted, and those glass eyes became hers for eternity, unblinking… staring at me across the room.
What? You think me a monster for doing this?
Wrong! Look upon her yourself! Was she not the finest bird you’ve ever seen?
Seven Brides For Seven Monsters
It all started when Victor Frankenstein made his monster.
The monster got lonely, so he made a bride for the monster.
But the bride was way too hot for the monster, so he kept her for himself.
This pissed off the monster, so he made another hottie just for him.
But this new hottie was even hotter than the bride, so he kept her as a mistress.
“So, about the monster…”
No way, said the bride.
“Threesome?”
No.
All this time, the villagers sat around with their pitchforks and torches, far too amused at Victor’s shenanigans to storm the castle.
Queen
For the longest time, people wondered what The Queen kept in her little purse.
With all the assistants and bodyguards around her, offering her things when she needed them, there really wasn’t anything she needed to carry herself.
There wasn’t anything private in her life, either. Everybody knew everything in her life down to the color of the underwear she was wearing. (If she was wearing underwear.)
So, wild speculation went about with people betting on what was in her purse.
Breath mints?
Gum?
A phone?
A dildo?
It contained, in fact, nothing.
She just liked to fuck with people.
Tom
A Bucket List is a list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.
I’ve crossed off a few things so far, like “Kiss The Pope’s Ring” and “Invent Something Useful.”
But there’s some other things there like “Ask Tom Selleck why he didn’t have his trademark mustache in the film In & Out.”
So, when I saw he was on Twitter, I asked him.
And he answered. The producers didn’t think it was in character for the role.
I thank him, scratch that item from the list, and I’ll cross off “Write a silly story” too.
The Case of The Amber Rose of The Amazon – Part 5
Holmes pocketed the ribbon, bent to observer the Turk’s index finger. A noticeable stain of tobacco, a mix well known to the detective, his. Straight as an arrow Holmes flew through the door to the oak at the fence. At its base was the remains of the Turkish cigarette.
Carefully lifting it with tweezers one gentle sniff told the tale of the Turk. His end was for lack of knowledge for his employers failed to reveal that the tobacco to be place in the home of the beekeeper was laced with poison
“One gram of tobacco would hardly be missed.”
Raise Em Right
It’s not easy growing good teachers.
Good soil.
Good weather.
Good gardeners.
Even with seeds genetically modified to handle various academic climates, few districts take the time or give the effort to try to raise the best crop.
Some say organic pesticide-free is the way to go. Hydroponics, too. Force-feeding nutrients in glass pots reduces root-shock.
Our district tries to stay as natural as we can, using leaf-cuttings from good teachers while limiting physical manipulation to grafting of buds and branches for diversity.
The bad teachers, we chop up for the kids’ lunches.
No wonder why they’re so damn stupid.
Isaac
The Council of Giants gathered at Stoneheart Castle for their monthly meeting.
The Chairman called on The Treasurer to check the cashbox.
“Seventy three gold coins,” said The Treasurer. “How much was that telescope again?”
“Eighty,” said Greybeard Boulderballs.
“Can’t we get a discount or put down a deposit?” said the Chairman. “We’re the Council of Giants, for Thor’s sake.”
“I asked,” said Greybeard. “Eighty’s already dealer’s price.”
“Maybe if we bought this Isaac Newton fellow softer-soled shoes?” offered Oakshield Mightyfists. “You know, for when he stands on our shoulders?”
Greybeard promised to check on pricing, and The Council adjourned.
Weekly Challenge #325 – Life (RFL Challenge – Part 5)
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Twenty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Life, a special Weekly Challenge for Relay For Life.
(For more information about this challenge, please read this page and go to the show notes for part one)
Weekly Challenge #325 – Life (RFL Challenge – Part 4)
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Twenty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Life, a special Weekly Challenge for Relay For Life.
(For more information about this challenge, please read this page and go to the show notes for part one)
Weekly Challenge #325 – Life (RFL Challenge – Part 3)
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Twenty-Five, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Life, a special Weekly Challenge for Relay For Life.
(For more information about this challenge, please read this page and go to the show notes for part one)