Bruce asked that his ashes be spread on the mountain he used to climb.
He also asked that his ashes be spread on his high school’s football field where he used to play.
Then there was the fishing hole at the farm he spent a few summers. He wanted his ashes to go there, too.
There was a long list of places he wanted his ashes spread.
Too many places… Bruce was a small man, mind you.
So we tossed in a few extra two-by-fours and filled him out, portioned out the bags, and sent him on his final adventures.
Author: R.
Actor
When Arthur isn’t performing, it’s as if he didn’t exist.
He just sits there, listening and watching.
If you say hello to him, he’ll smile and say hello back.
Maybe with a little wave.
Ask him anything, and he’ll think for a minute, maybe say “Let me think about it. I’ll get back to you on that.”
And go back to sitting there quietly.
He’ll drink and eat, and will say “This is good.” if asked about it.
But that’s pretty much it.
Sitting at home, reading scripts his agent sends him, and saving his energy for the next performance.
It’s not just an ant and grasshopper
All summer long, the ants gathered up food and supplies to prepare for the winter.
The grasshoppers, on the other hand, danced and sang and played.
When winter came, the grasshoppers tried to forage, but often failing and freezing to death.
The cicadas buried themselves in tree roots, emerging every few years to mate, lay eggs, and die.
Such a safe, boring life.
Meanwhile, the cockroaches scuttled around in buildings and dumpsters, feasting on the trash of humanity.
Sure, a few were stuck in glue traps or ate poison pellets, but for the most part, they led a good life.
Holy Trinkets
Long ago, pilgrims would travel to visit the cathedral.
They would buy tiny metal badges to pin to their clothes.
These were proof that the pilgrim had visited the cathedral.
People would touch the badges, thinking any miracles or blessings would pass to them as well.
Now, it’s tourists visiting the cathedral.
They buy trinkets and souvenirs at the stores around the cathedral.
Little framed stained glass windows.
Things that end up getting lost, or breaking in their luggage during the flight home.
And the real miracles, the few trinkets that survive the trip, to gather dust on a shelf.
Too many books
I have a lot of books. Too many books.
All of the walls are covered with bookshelves, and all of the bookshelves are full.
Stacks and stacks of books.
I tried to sell some excess books to a half-price store, but I ended up buying even more books there.
I thought I could give them away to schools, but they don’t want any.
And my garage sale ended up with even more books dumped on my table than I sold.
I built a lending library frame and was about to fill it with books, but neighbors already filled the thing.
This story marks seventeen years of writing and podcasting.
Rather use
A great king once said that he’d rather use his purse, not his sword.
The saying suggests that it’s better to negotiate than to fight.
But the truth is, that king ran into battle armed with a purse.
He’d fill it with gold coins and beat enemy’s soldiers over the head with it.
Sometimes, the purse would burst, and coins will spill everywhere, and the enemy’s solders would scramble for the coins.
Which made it easier for the king to beat them over the head.
With the empty purse. Rather ineffective and silly.
The king shrugged and drew his sword.
Weekly Challenge #840 – SPOOK
LISA
The Spy next door.
Blue lights and hazmat suits filled the usually quiet tree lined avenue. It was a painfully ordinary street and everyone had thought him a painfully ordinary man. They said he just seemed to blend in, in fact they all struggled to describe him. No one knew what he did but assumed it was something dull like an accountant.
Brian, next door, was proud that he knew what Novichok was but had to google spook. He was shocked, and couldn’t decide if he wished he’d got to know his neighbour better or not.
Of course now it was far too late.
RICHARD
Spook
Dad was a spook.
Of course, if you asked him, he would neither confirm nor deny it, but the dark suit and tie, shades, and the curly bit of wire behind his ear were a dead giveaway.
It was years before the truth dawned on me, however.
As a kid, I was convinced his job had something to do with agriculture. He’d often disappear, sometimes for weeks at a time, and when I asked him where he’d been, he’d say ‘at the farm’ – which, it turned out, was perfectly true.
Although, you never heard any of this from me! OK?
LIZZIE
Frederick was an old ghost. He enjoyed startling anyone who approached the house. But that didn’t last long. After a century or two, another old ghost showed up, Victor. They argued. Victor laughed and Frederick punched him. Victor punched back. Exhausted, they agreed to frighten the town folk together. It was a good thing Victor showed up. The new generation wasn’t as gullible. They would laugh and pull out those hideous little devices, pointing them left and right. It was humiliating. He’d have to talk to Victor about it. Perhaps they could punch a few of them! Ummm… Too much?
ED
Hi there. Hope you had a good week. Here’s my weekly challenge story and recording.
Haunted
I stirred from sleep, quickly focusing on the sounds of the old house. I had just moved in a few days earlier.
After the closing, I had stopped for a coffee nearby, and, asked if I was new in town, said I had just bought the blue house up the street.
“That’s interesting,” the barista had said, with wide eyes. “Didn’t they tell you that house was haunted?”
Huh. No one had, actually. “Cool,” I answered, shrugging it off. “That’ll make for some good party conversations.”
Now, though, staring at the ceiling, a little spooked, I wasn’t sure about that.
SERENDIPIDY
Did I spook you?
Good. That was my intention.
I don’t feel inclined to rest in peace, just because my mortal life has come to an end, I don’t see any reason why I should retire and put my feet up. There’s plenty of life – for want of a better expression – in me yet.
So I’m afraid you’re going to have to put up with the creaking floorboards, the cold shivers, and the occasional ornament flying across the room, because I’m here to stay.
Serves you right, I reckon. They warned you the house was haunted when you bought it!
NORVAL JOE
With little chance he would get back to sleep, Billbert got dressed and went out to have some breakfast. His mother was at the table when he sat down with his cereal.
Between bites, Billbert said, “You’ve met Sabrina, now. What do you think?”
His mother smiled. “She’s a bit weird.”
Billbert choked. “You noticed that, huh? Why’d you let her into my room?”
She sighed. “I didn’t want to spook her. You’re new here and I didn’t want to chase away the only friend you have.”
“I wish you had,” Billbert grumbled. “Now I have to do it, myself.”
PLANET Z
It doesn’t take much to spook an untrained horse.
Loud noises. Flashing lights. Sudden movement.
You can smack it a few times in the ass.
If the horse rears up, anyone foolish enough to be riding it is gonna get thrown.
When a horse I was training broke its leg, it broke mine.
I was laid up for a month.
Bob spread word it was my fault, and he stole my clients.
It’s only fair I take a few of them back.
Nobody noticed my laser pointer in the horse’s eyes.
Poor Bob. His calendar just got cleared for good.
Start button
I keep forgetting to start my smartwatch with my treadmill walks.
And, unlike outdoor walks, it doesn’t automatically nag me about indoor walks.
It just sees my heart rate go up and it prays I keep over so it can be regifted to someone who doesn’t shame it with a stupid cat photo as a watch face.
I had a message written on the treadmill to remind me, but I don’t look there.
So I put a post-it over the start button which I have to lift out of the way to start it.
If only I used the treadmill.
Psychic powers
Instead of walking to the grocery store, I needed more than I could carry.
So, I drove to the grocery store.
When I got my overloaded cart back to my car, there was a flyer in my car’s door handle.
I pulled it out and read it… a flier for a psychic.
I crumpled it up and tossed it in a grocery bag.
Looking at all the fliers on the ground, I wasn’t the only one ignoring it.
I mean, did they predict that? People ignoring all your spam?
Then why bother printing and hanging all these fliers at all?
Bank run
Adolphus is a kind, sweet old man.
He goes to the Commonwealth Bank every day and brings the lady at the window flowers.
And a stickup note.
The lady smiles, puts all of the cash in a bag, and hands it to Adolphus.
He smiles, tips his hat, and goes across the street to the National Bank.
Where he hands the lady at the window flowers.
And a deposit slip.
Then he goes home and takes a nap.
The lady at the National Bank brings the money back to the Commonwealth Bank.
“See you tomorrow,” she says, with a wink.