I really like Vegetarian burritos.
Well, okay. Some makers call them wraps. But they’re really burritos.
They’re healthy, for the most part.
The ones with plant-based fake meats and fake cheese have gotten pretty good, too.
And simple to heat up in the microwave.
Just toss it in, hit the Burrito button, and wait for the beeps.
The next day, I find the burrito sitting there in the microwave when I’m putting in a mug full of soup.
Oh. Right. I forgot the burrito.
I put it on my shopping list again.
As I forget about the soup in there.
Author: R.
Have you seen Arthur
Have you seen Arthur?
No? Where did Arthur go?
Did he leave a note?
Is anything missing from his place?
His car? A suitcase? Clothes and other things he’d need for travel?
Can you check his mail?
Or did he forward it, or have a hold put on it?
What about Find Your Friends? Have you got permissions to track his phone?
Are his bills getting paid? Or strange credit card charges appearing?
What about someone watering his lawn and plants?
Oh, that’s on a timer.
Maybe Arthur will show up tomorrow. Or the next day.
From wherever he went.
My favorite pie
It is international pie day.
What is my favorite pie?
Chicken pot pie, of course.
I like it a lot more than any other pie.
Especially in a pie fight.
Cream pies don’t do squat to an opponent.
A piping hot chicken pot pie will surprise the crap out of them as well as scald their eyes.
If the fight only allows cream pies, then cover the chicken pot pie with cream.
Yes, I know. That sounds disgusting.
Whipped cream and chicken do not mix.
But if you’re throwing the pies, it’s not like you have to taste it, right?
Weekly Challenge #829: Hair
RICHARD
Just Fine
At first, everything seemed just fine. We breathed a sigh of relief, grateful that disaster, at least this time, had been averted.
That is, until our hair began falling out.
Then, the blistered skin, weeping sores and shortness of breath. It was then only a matter of time before the agony, the fever and eventually death.
They’d lied to us.
The reactor core had not been made safe.
Everything was certainly not fine.
And there was nothing we could do about it.
And neither can you.
Except to say your goodbyes, prepare as best you can, lie down, and wait.
LIZZIE
“What have you done?”
My sister shrugged.
“But your hair…”
She smiled and shrugged again.
“Is something wrong?”
She shook her head and mumbled something about a sign.
“What sign?”
She was moving on, away from vanity.
Being a shampoo model had been very profitable for her.
“What about your job?”
She looked at me.
“No, no no.”
My hair is now long enough for me to take her old job. I’ll get my own place and I’ll be filthy rich. Life is a lot simpler than we think. It just takes a bit longer when we’re talking about hair.
SERENDIPIDY
Mother always used to love it when I brushed her hair. She would sit with me on the sofa, eyes closed, whilst I eased the tangles and knots gently from her long, flowing, locks.
And then we would talk, long into the night, at peace with each other and the world.
Mother died some years back now, and how I miss those conversations.
But, every now and then, I still sit with her on the sofa, her body leaning against mine, whilst I brush her hair, just as I used to when she was alive.
She’d have wanted it so.
TOM
What Could Go Possibly Wrong 029
What first appeared as an aquatic bio-mass on longer inspection turned out to be seriously reenforced steel with an ample attached aquatic bio-mass. This was further confirmed by an ever widening hatch. To the company this was not very reassuring and the slow advance of Cervantes drove home a done breath yet vib, expect for John. A woman poked her head out. A shock of red hair and understate Ray Ban. With a lazy index finger she raised the lens. She tosed her hair in a Veronica Lake move and said the following “Charlemagne’s ukulele. “Sweet and low,” replied Arnesto
NORVAL JOE
“Romance?” Billbert asked.
Sabrina grabbed him by his jacket and pulled him toward her. “Yeah. Romance.” She shook back her hair, closed her eyes and puckered her lips.
Gracilda poked Billbert in the back. “Go on, boy. Kiss her.”
Billbert looked around the room and saw that Sabrina was the only one with her eyes closed. All others were on him.
He figured he couldn’t leave until he did what they said and put his hands on Sabrina’s waist. He bent forward and kissed her.
A collective gasp filled the room just before Billbert’s head bumped lightly against the ceiling.
PLANET Z
Charlie never grew any hair.
He had some kind of condition, and we teased him about it.
Charlie didn’t care at all.
Heck, sometimes, he’d joke about it.
Putting on thick black fake eyebrows and a thick black mustache.
And a wild and crazy rainbow wig.
He looked like some kind of crazy Muppet thing.
And he’d talk in a high squeaky voice.
It was funny as hell.
Until he’d show up in your room at 2 in the morning.
Holding a razor to your throat.
“Shave and a haircut, two bits,” he whispered.
We never teased Charlie ever again.
Assistants
The artist has had many assistants.
Some answered his mail.
Others made meals and cleaned.
Pushing him around in his wheelchair.
Carrying him up and down the stairs.
Some modeled for him.
While a few summoned the demons to bring inspiration.
No, that isn’t metaphorical.
They literally summoned demons.
Candles in a circle. A dish with a blood offering.
You know, the usual.
Make a sacrifice, a demon appears, and make some art.
Sending the demons back, that’s the hard part.
That’s why you leave it to an assistant.
And how it’s so hard to keep good help these days.
Just those eight days
During the power outage, I gathered up all the lanterns and candles.
I even pulled out some menorah candles that I hadn’t used up.
You’re not supposed to use a menorah for light or heat, but the candles themselves are fine, right?
I decided to try it out by putting some menorah candles in a shot glass and lighting them.
And they gave off plenty of light and heat to read by.
As they were burning out, I picked up the shot glass.
And burned my thumb, raising a blister.
Maybe that’s God’s way of saying “I don’t think so.”
Backboard
I bought a stack of spiral-bound notebooks with the hope of writing stories out on the patio.
But I haven’t written anything at all.
So, I tore out a sheet of paper, wadded it up, and threw it into a flowerpot.
I wadded up a few more sheets of paper and shot baskets.
Maybe I should get a tablet to write on?
Or a laptop?
So, I went to the store and picked up a basic Chromebook.
I turned it on, got everything loaded, and watched the screen for a while.
It ended up as a backboard for the flowerpot.
My spirit animal was
My spirit animal is Jack Daniels.
Well, it was Jack Daniels.
Then my doctor told me to swear off all alcohol.
Might have to do with my liver issues.
Triglycerides through the roof.
And the kidney stones that come from grain alcohol.
So, I gave it up, and I was left without a spirit animal.
Can your cat be a spirit animal?
Or does it have to be an actual spirit animal?
Like when after a cat dies.
Thinking about this too much gives me a headache.
I want to drink.
This is why my spirit animal was Jack Daniels.
Pray for the horse
My coworker owns a horse.
Not a month goes by that she doesn’t have a huge vet bill.
The latest drama was an inverted colon.
Apparently, that’s a thing.
This condition is deadly, and she was going to need to put the horse down.
But the horse wasn’t in pain, so she waited, asking people to pray for the horse.
This was the first time I’ve prayed for a horse’s colon.
Although, I used to drink a lot, so I may have done it before, but I can’t remember.
By the way, the horse is fine.
As if you care.
Smartbo
Smartbo the elephant woke up in a tree, and a flock of crows asked him how he got up there.
“I dunno,” said Smartbo.
A mouse pulled a feather out of a crow’s butt and handed it to the baby elephant.
“This is a magic feather,” he said. “It will help you to fly.”
A dumb elephant would believe the mouse.
But Smartbo was smart.
So, he handed the feather back to the mouse.
“Okay, prove it,” said Smartbo.
The mouse tried to come up with excuses, but the elephant grabbed him and threw him out of the tree.
Splat.