Long ago, pilgrims would travel to visit the cathedral.
They would buy tiny metal badges to pin to their clothes.
These were proof that the pilgrim had visited the cathedral.
People would touch the badges, thinking any miracles or blessings would pass to them as well.
Now, it’s tourists visiting the cathedral.
They buy trinkets and souvenirs at the stores around the cathedral.
Little framed stained glass windows.
Things that end up getting lost, or breaking in their luggage during the flight home.
And the real miracles, the few trinkets that survive the trip, to gather dust on a shelf.
Author: R.
Too many books
I have a lot of books. Too many books.
All of the walls are covered with bookshelves, and all of the bookshelves are full.
Stacks and stacks of books.
I tried to sell some excess books to a half-price store, but I ended up buying even more books there.
I thought I could give them away to schools, but they don’t want any.
And my garage sale ended up with even more books dumped on my table than I sold.
I built a lending library frame and was about to fill it with books, but neighbors already filled the thing.
This story marks seventeen years of writing and podcasting.
Rather use
A great king once said that he’d rather use his purse, not his sword.
The saying suggests that it’s better to negotiate than to fight.
But the truth is, that king ran into battle armed with a purse.
He’d fill it with gold coins and beat enemy’s soldiers over the head with it.
Sometimes, the purse would burst, and coins will spill everywhere, and the enemy’s solders would scramble for the coins.
Which made it easier for the king to beat them over the head.
With the empty purse. Rather ineffective and silly.
The king shrugged and drew his sword.
Weekly Challenge #840 – SPOOK
LISA
The Spy next door.
Blue lights and hazmat suits filled the usually quiet tree lined avenue. It was a painfully ordinary street and everyone had thought him a painfully ordinary man. They said he just seemed to blend in, in fact they all struggled to describe him. No one knew what he did but assumed it was something dull like an accountant.
Brian, next door, was proud that he knew what Novichok was but had to google spook. He was shocked, and couldn’t decide if he wished he’d got to know his neighbour better or not.
Of course now it was far too late.
RICHARD
Spook
Dad was a spook.
Of course, if you asked him, he would neither confirm nor deny it, but the dark suit and tie, shades, and the curly bit of wire behind his ear were a dead giveaway.
It was years before the truth dawned on me, however.
As a kid, I was convinced his job had something to do with agriculture. He’d often disappear, sometimes for weeks at a time, and when I asked him where he’d been, he’d say ‘at the farm’ – which, it turned out, was perfectly true.
Although, you never heard any of this from me! OK?
LIZZIE
Frederick was an old ghost. He enjoyed startling anyone who approached the house. But that didn’t last long. After a century or two, another old ghost showed up, Victor. They argued. Victor laughed and Frederick punched him. Victor punched back. Exhausted, they agreed to frighten the town folk together. It was a good thing Victor showed up. The new generation wasn’t as gullible. They would laugh and pull out those hideous little devices, pointing them left and right. It was humiliating. He’d have to talk to Victor about it. Perhaps they could punch a few of them! Ummm… Too much?
ED
Hi there. Hope you had a good week. Here’s my weekly challenge story and recording.
Haunted
I stirred from sleep, quickly focusing on the sounds of the old house. I had just moved in a few days earlier.
After the closing, I had stopped for a coffee nearby, and, asked if I was new in town, said I had just bought the blue house up the street.
“That’s interesting,” the barista had said, with wide eyes. “Didn’t they tell you that house was haunted?”
Huh. No one had, actually. “Cool,” I answered, shrugging it off. “That’ll make for some good party conversations.”
Now, though, staring at the ceiling, a little spooked, I wasn’t sure about that.
SERENDIPIDY
Did I spook you?
Good. That was my intention.
I don’t feel inclined to rest in peace, just because my mortal life has come to an end, I don’t see any reason why I should retire and put my feet up. There’s plenty of life – for want of a better expression – in me yet.
So I’m afraid you’re going to have to put up with the creaking floorboards, the cold shivers, and the occasional ornament flying across the room, because I’m here to stay.
Serves you right, I reckon. They warned you the house was haunted when you bought it!
NORVAL JOE
With little chance he would get back to sleep, Billbert got dressed and went out to have some breakfast. His mother was at the table when he sat down with his cereal.
Between bites, Billbert said, “You’ve met Sabrina, now. What do you think?”
His mother smiled. “She’s a bit weird.”
Billbert choked. “You noticed that, huh? Why’d you let her into my room?”
She sighed. “I didn’t want to spook her. You’re new here and I didn’t want to chase away the only friend you have.”
“I wish you had,” Billbert grumbled. “Now I have to do it, myself.”
PLANET Z
It doesn’t take much to spook an untrained horse.
Loud noises. Flashing lights. Sudden movement.
You can smack it a few times in the ass.
If the horse rears up, anyone foolish enough to be riding it is gonna get thrown.
When a horse I was training broke its leg, it broke mine.
I was laid up for a month.
Bob spread word it was my fault, and he stole my clients.
It’s only fair I take a few of them back.
Nobody noticed my laser pointer in the horse’s eyes.
Poor Bob. His calendar just got cleared for good.
Start button
I keep forgetting to start my smartwatch with my treadmill walks.
And, unlike outdoor walks, it doesn’t automatically nag me about indoor walks.
It just sees my heart rate go up and it prays I keep over so it can be regifted to someone who doesn’t shame it with a stupid cat photo as a watch face.
I had a message written on the treadmill to remind me, but I don’t look there.
So I put a post-it over the start button which I have to lift out of the way to start it.
If only I used the treadmill.
Psychic powers
Instead of walking to the grocery store, I needed more than I could carry.
So, I drove to the grocery store.
When I got my overloaded cart back to my car, there was a flyer in my car’s door handle.
I pulled it out and read it… a flier for a psychic.
I crumpled it up and tossed it in a grocery bag.
Looking at all the fliers on the ground, I wasn’t the only one ignoring it.
I mean, did they predict that? People ignoring all your spam?
Then why bother printing and hanging all these fliers at all?
Bank run
Adolphus is a kind, sweet old man.
He goes to the Commonwealth Bank every day and brings the lady at the window flowers.
And a stickup note.
The lady smiles, puts all of the cash in a bag, and hands it to Adolphus.
He smiles, tips his hat, and goes across the street to the National Bank.
Where he hands the lady at the window flowers.
And a deposit slip.
Then he goes home and takes a nap.
The lady at the National Bank brings the money back to the Commonwealth Bank.
“See you tomorrow,” she says, with a wink.
Whaling
Arthur joined the crowd at the shore, staring at the whale that had beached itself and died.
Some kids had gotten up on the whale and had their friends take pictures, but the beast had started to decompose and so they fell through the skin and ended up covered in rotten whale guts.
Instead of hacking the whale to pieces and dragging them back into the water, Arthur suggested using dynamite to blow the thing up.
And they did.
It rained whale guts for five minutes, smashing car windows and mailboxes.
Seagulls and dogs went around gobbling up the offal.
The crush
Teddy had a crush on the school nurse.
It started when he scraped his knee and she put a bandage on it.
His heart swooned. (The nurse checked that, too.)
To keep seeing her, Teddy got himself into a lot of accidents.
Or he said he got into a lot of accidents.
The nurse noticed that some of the wounds looked like their were self-inflicted.
She called the principal, and the principal calls Teddy’s parents.
Now, Teddy’s off to the school psychologist.
He’s got a crush on her now.
Makes up all kinds of stories.
Especially about the school nurse.
Obsoleteland
Walt Disney cut the ribbon himself to open Tomorrowland at Disneyland.
It was meant to be a vision of the future.
Then, the future came… and went.
Some attractions stayed up-to-date, but many didn’t.
And they became Todayland. Then Yesterdayland.
Tomorrowland opened in Florida. And Paris. And Hong Kong.
And those Tomorrowlands aged badly, too.
EPCOT was out-of-date from day one.
Might as well call it EPCOY.
Then, the Obsoletelands became Retro… like Steampunk shows people an alternate steam-driven future.
Too bad the safety technology didn’t get updated.
Ouch. Poor bastard.
You grab the kid’s head, I’ll grab his feet.