Author: R.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Tom
• Lisa
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is It’s going down…

LISA

Come Fly with Me

It felt good to be out cruising along, feeling the breeze beneath my wings. Endless possibilities for the day lay ahead.
My driver today was old and small. He struggled to see over the dashboard. Our eyes met but I don’t think he saw me stuck to the windscreen. I could hear his music through the glass.
We travelled together as companions for miles until a jet of water unseated me. I had a nauseating lurch back and forth on the wipers before they came to a stop with a screeching judder.
I realised then, my time was nearly up.

RICHARD

— Flight Plan —
There are some things you just don’t want to hear when cruising at twenty thousand feet.
Things like… “Brace for impact!”, “This is a hijack!”, or “Can you smell burning?”
Thankfully, that’s not a situation I’ve ever found myself having to face, but believe me, I’m prepared.
I think I’ve watched every flight disaster movie that’s ever been released. Twice.
I always try to sit over a wing, or next to an emergency exit. Preferably both.
And, unlike you, I always pay attention to the in-flight safety briefing.
Want my advice?
If you ever fly… Sit next to me!

SERENDIPIDY

It’s Friday night, and I’m getting ready to go out, like so many others will be, the world over.
I’ve showered, done my nails and make -up, picked out a killer outfit, and spritzed myself with fragrance.
And, of course, I’ve had a couple of drinks to get me in the mood.
But I’m not meeting up with the girls, hitting a nightclub or even going out with a hot date. My night will be very different.
Tonight, I’ll be cruising the streets; looking for unfortunate victims to feed my craving.
I did say I’d picked out a ‘killer’ outfit.

TOM

Deadhead sticker on a Cadillac. Don’t look back you can never look back

When I met my first wife, I was living high in Santa Cruz. She was a Walnut Creek Girl with a Fortune 500 Father. I a proto-hippy. One of the oddest things we share was a love of cursing. In northern California lexicon there is phrase: Cruising the Main. And of course, cruising the boardwalk was understood in 174 different languages. We young poor and in need of cheap entertainment. Oh, what a circle that was. Buckets of pills and clouds of pot. Lot and lot of free Booze. One night I even ran it to Both toms: Waits and Lehrer.

LIZZIE

The pelican flew over the cruise ship. The tourists took their phones out to start lives. Look, look, a bird. Most didn’t even know it was a pelican. Some called him a giant seagull. But the pelican flew over again. After the lives came the photos. Social media is hungry, let’s post some photos and show off our ignorance. The pelican flew back and forth. Suddenly, he pooped on the tourists. Shrieks of amusement and more lives, featuring the pooped deck. Likes, hearts, laughing emojis. Then, the pelican flew away, grunting, “bring fish, next time!” and thinking humans are idiots.

NORVAL JOE

With students cruising past them to class, Mandi realized she had said too much.

“He has what?” Bobbi gasped.

“Gotta go to the bathroom.” Mandi hurried into the girl’s room.

She locked herself in a stall, pulled out her phone, and texted Sabrina. Where are you and Billbert?

She read the reply quickly, opened the stall door, and ran into Bobbi, her phone still in her hand.

“Who did you call?” Bobbi demanded.

Mandi shrugged. “I texted Sabrina, but I don’t think it was her.”

“Why?” Bobbi asked.

Mandi frowned deep in thought. “She called me Linoliumanda and not Lindimindi.”

PLANET Z

At night on every cruise ship when the lights are turned off so you can look up and see the stars. Living in the city a lot of the night sky gets washed out by street lights. Even in the country you still get some light pollution. but out on the deep ocean you can see everything and it’s really mind blowing with everyone looking up. Some people trying to take pictures with their phones, not turning off the flash and running it for everyone. At least when it’s dark, nobody can see that it’s you who pushed them overboard.

• Richard
• Lizzie
• Tom
• Lisa
• Serendipidy
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

The next topic is Cruising

LISA

True Love is Hard to Kill
Keepwell was nestled in the shadows of Dugyle Castle. Their visitors passed through our town so we thrived. Life was good. Until the falling sickness.
The drawbridge went up and nothing more was heard from the castle. We did the same: shut the gates and sat it out imposing no contact with the rest of the country.
Jack the butcher’s son however, continued to see his beau from a nearby village. They met secretly until she succumbed to the sickness. The rest is really too painful to recount but our numbers dwindled rapidly and the castle soon fell into ruin.

RICHARD

— Explosive Power —
“Keep well clear” said the guide, “they appear pretty lethargic but they can strike with explosive power.”
I figured he was being dramatic, hoping for a bigger tip.
Still, I wasn’t going to take unnecessary risks; I eyed the croc suspiciously. It appeared to be asleep, barely any sign of life. I reckoned I could outrun it, should it come to that.
I moved closer, crouching low to get the perfect shot.
“National Geographic, here I come, I said quietly, raising my camera.”
The attack was over in a flash, as was my life.
Still, it was an amazing photo.

SERENDIPIDY

I’m sorry to say, they don’t keep well.
It’s not long before they start to smell and go bad.
And they do tend to attract flies, which isn’t particularly pleasant.
It’s a shame really. I’d love to be able to put them on display to show to my visitors. After all, there’s really nothing like a set of decapitated human heads as a conversation starter at parties.
Sadly, until I can come up with a way to keep them fresh, that’s just not going to be possible.
So, until then…
I’ll just keep on eating them. They’re really rather tasty!

TOM

Transurethral Resection of the Prostate

Last week I got interpolated. In the biz it’s call a Terp or Turp. Sounds like a small Africa bird in the shadow of Kilimanjaro. Nup. Think dermel tunneling into a gland. I will fore-go the image of tubing and ballons for the fain of heart. What I can address is a new understanding of the pain chart. Like Spinal Tap is goes from 1 to 11. Well I thought it when from 1 to 11. I discovered a land that leave that silly 11 in the dust. Lot of screaming. Damn near a religious experience. If I don’t move ……

LIZZIE

I knew someone innocent would die. He wanted to clear his name and trampled all over anyone who stood in his way.
I wanted to ask him “why”. But I never did. He would’ve denied it. The images have been doctored. It wasn’t him on the video. “Can’t you see?” And no, I couldn’t. It was him, stealing from his best friend.
When he was arrested, I said “keep well”. He just looked at me. And I knew I’d have to run for my life.
Perhaps I should go to that place in the painting and hide in plain sight.

NORVAL JOE

Mandi shrugged away from the redhead. “You keep well, okay?” She headed to class.

The girl grabbed her by her shoulder. “If you want Billbert to keep well, you’ll tell me where he is.”

Intimidated by the girl’s size and overt beauty, Mandi gritted her teeth and hissed. “I don’t know where he is. When I got up this morning, he was gone.”

The girl frowned. “Listen. My name is Bobbi Yaan. My brother, Patrick, is a Black Knight, and he’s missing too. The Knights know Billbert has magic.”

Mandi interrupted Bobbi. “He doesn’t have magic. He has a superpower.”

PLANET Z

The first module we played was the keep on the borderlands, a castle at the edge of some caves, full of warring tribes of monsters and some kind of evil temple. At some point, our characters tried to rob the jewelry store and ended up getting killed by the castle guards. The new characters we rolled up for the next adventure were looked on with a bit more suspicion. So this time we ended up poisoning the well. After a few years, I stopped playing. I never got good at painting the miniatures, but I did like collecting fancy dice.