Weekly Challenge #568 – Flap

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Stripey

The Tinny

JEFFREY

One Saturday Morning at the Waffle House
by Jeffrey Fischer

The waitress came over to the new customer, who had seated himself at the counter. “Coffee?” she asked, motioning to the carafe in her hand. He nodded. She retrieved her order pad. “What can I get for you?”

“Just a stack of flapjacks.”

“Right, one order of pancakes coming up.”

“No, not pancakes, *flapjacks*.”

“It’s the same thing, sir. We call them pancakes here… just look at the menu.”

“It’s not the same thing at all.” He sighed. “Fine, then some hotcakes.”

“Those are pancakes, too.”

“Where did the cook learn his trade? Hotcakes and flapjacks are not pancakes. If you insist, though, fine. I’ll take some griddle cakes.”

The waitress wrote “pancakes” on her pad. “Very well, sir. One order of griddle cakes coming right up.”

RICHARD

#1 – Stationery

I miss the old fashioned way: Take stationery, for example. Nobody writes letters any more – I miss notepaper and proper pens. And because nobody writes letters, nobody posts anything anymore.

The simple satisfaction of writing a letter, folding the paper with a crisp, sharp crease before neatly sealing it away in an envelope is a rare pleasure.

Although even that has lost its charm since self-sealing envelopes and self-adhesive stamps.

I miss the taste of the gum on envelopes.

Although, to be honest, I don’t miss the horrifying pain of slicing my tongue on a razor sharp paper flap!

#2 – Unflappable

They called him ‘unflappable’. No matter what the circumstances or how big the challenge, he approached everything with the same cool, calm demeanour. Nothing bothered him, he never grew angry, lost control or showed any hint of being out of control.

Challenges were simply water off a duck’s back.

So we were intrigued to see how well he measured up to this, the greatest challenge he’d yet faced in his life.

Rather badly!

He plummeted towards the ground, landing with a sickening thud and an explosion of fathers.

If there’s one thing a bird must learn… It is to flap!

#3 – Cat flap

The local newspaper says cat flap break-ins are on the increase. Presumably committed by ‘cat burglars’?

I thought I’d give it a try, so after my neighbour left for work, I reached through his cat flap, easily removing his keys from the lock.

Unfortunately, he had nothing worth stealing, so I made do with a cup of tea and a sandwich with some ham I found in his fridge.

I carefully left in the manner I’d arrived, only to find I myself had been burgled!

I don’t have a cat flap – I’d stupidly left my front door wide open!

CHARLIE

He caused a major flap when he spoke to the science club. We always allowed ten minutes for announcements prior to our meeting.

He told them that he dreamed that the use of electronic devices could be used to solve complicated mathematical and logic problems.

It was not by the use of logic, binary math, or the manipulation of any kind of quantities, it was by the observation of the look of the device following the full run or random run of the device. What lights were on, what was activated?

The club members had little or no creative intelligence.

LIZZIE

The tent flap suddenly flew open and any vague hope of privacy vanished in a split second.
“What are you doing?” Mrs. Hamilton’s raspy voice echoed through the valley.
“Nothing.” Romeo tried to conceal the true reason of his embarrassment by pulling the sleeping bag over his lap.
The camp monitor was relentless and drilled him with questions.
When she left, her doubts not totally set aside, Romeo smiled.
“That was a close call.”
The short alien nodded and grinned.
“Good thing we don’t have these small houses back home, we just become invisible.”
“What?! Why didn’t you say so?”

SERENDIPITY

Modern technology had made stalking so much simpler, I thought as I glued back the small flap of skin.

The transponder I’d embedded in her flesh would keep me updated on her GPS coordinates, intercept her phone calls and texts, and it was even capable of recording and transmitting sound.

Once she awoke from the vodka administered narcotic, she’d be none the wiser – just a little confused as to how she’d come to be in this back alley. And I would be long gone… But far closer than she could ever imagine.

Job done, I disappeared into the shadows.

JON

Spider

By

Jon DeCles

The trap door spider is miss-named. Anyone can see that! Lie down on your belly and watch.

Along comes a tasty bug, minding its own business, bothering nobody, looking for¾ whatever tasty bugs look for. Suddenly a section of flat earth flips up, the spider grabs the tasty bug, drags it underground before it can even scream, and the scene is as flat as before.

If you’ve ever been hanged, you know that a Trap door drops out from under you. It does not lift up so you can be grabbed. They ought to call it a Flap door spider.

TOM

Baby its Cold Outside.

The wind was wiping about the tent. Someone had not secured the flap and the artic breeze was having its way with Desmond. He wasn’t about to get out of the nice warm sleeping bag. Better to curse the cold, then freeze one’s ass off. “Barney can you get that?” Barney look at him as if he had asked him to crawl on his chest through broken glass. He tried Fred next, but didn’t even get an acknowledgement. He didn’t even attempt to enlist Bruce. They found them after the spring thaw, well persevered, the flap waving in the wind.

TURA

ða hrefnas (The ravens)
———
The ravens arrive thundering in thick throngs
Their wings furiously flap as they flock
Mobbing the traveller, mocking with malign caws
“Hraak, hraak,” they cry, the ravening ravens.

A faint heart is fearful of the foul birds
A weak-headed wight fares poorly against wise foes
The strong man stays his course, striving ever onwards
Doughty are his deeds in the dark of their wings
With his stout staff he lays about to strike
Nor without wounds does he wager to win
Surely he shatters the birds’ swift bodies.

Thus must a man make merry with death
Turning always towards it.

NORVAL JOE

He found the envelope on the desk in his work station. It was good that he’d come in early. He wouldn’t have to explain to his coworkers who Yorick was and why he was opening a letter addressed to, whoever-he-was.
The fact that the name read, Yorick, was evidence that the letter wasn’t left by any of the 1000 people who worked in the office building.
He turned it over. The flap wasn’t glued, only tucked in.
Inside, the card read, “Alas, poor Yorick. I’ll miss you.”
Benny looked around the room. All the cubicles were as silent as death.

PLANET Z

The Butterfly Effect states that when a butterfly flaps its wings in China, it can start a chain of events that lead to a deadly hurricane in Florida, or some other absurd consequence.
What really happens is that when a butterfly flaps its wings in China, a nearby cat notices the butterfly, and the cat chases the butterfly around.
Sometimes, the cat catches the butterfly. Other times, the cat merely watches the butterfly flap around.
Whatever the outcome, it certainly isn’t a hurricane in Florida.
Or a flaming gateway to Hell. That’s there because you never cleaned your room, Johnny.

Converse

Most people are familiar with Nike, the Greek Goddess of Victory, but few are familiar with her little brother, Converse, the Greek God of Expensive Shoes That Don’t Make You Any Faster, Stronger, Or Athletic.
And yet, so many still worship at his temples, and sacrifice large wads of cash in his name.
Oh, hear the ring of the cash register altars!
Oh, revel in the klaxon of the security alarm pillars, warning of another shoplifter!
Oh, pity the screaming child who wants Air Jordans, but has to settle for these canvas pieces of crap!
The minimum-wage mall priests sigh.

The Gaps

One evening, the gap between David Letterman’s teeth issued a challenge to the gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth.
The gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth accepted the challenge, and for the next week, the gaps grew as wide as they possibly could.
“Time’s up!” said the gap between David Letterman’s teeth, and they showed how Paul Schaeffer could fit between them.
The gap between Michael Strahan’s teeth were so wide that Kelly Ripa could pass between.
“Oh yeah?” said the gap between Madonna’s teeth. “Try this one!”
And they allowed a city bus to pass between them.
Paul and Kelly applauded.

Elegant Solution

While I waited for the Apple Store to swap the battery in my phone, I wandered around the Galleria.
Thirty-five minutes? Might as well get lunch, right?
The food court is full of disgusting fried food. And all of the sit-down restaurants had lines.
Except one: Kona Grill.
I really enjoyed the miso soup there. And the sesame salad wasn’t bad at all.
Two pieces of yellowtail sushi, fresh and perfectly cut.
Even the receipts were excellent.
No “Merchant Copy” or “Customer Copy.”
Instead, they said “Sign one, and keep the other.”
An elegant solution to end an excellent meal.

Phone Battery

The new iPhones came out recently.
And it’s no coincidence that the battery on my current iPhone is dying, right?
I thought that it was the usual bullshit that Apple pulls when they release a new model and operating system.
They cause problems with their older models, whether its WiFi issues or battery charging problems.
But this time, they admitted they had a manufacturing defect with their older models, and offered to replace the battery for free.
So, instead of a new phone, I’m getting the old one repaired.
It’s served me well. And will, for another year or two.

Make a wish

Wishes take a lot of energy.
So, every time you wish upon a star, it explodes.
Why don’t you see the star explode?
Because stars are very far away. Hundreds, thousands, and tens of thousands of light years away.
The ones in other galaxies are millions of light-years away.
It takes more than a lifetime for the light from the explosion to travel that far.
But not hyperdrive-powered intergalactic missiles.
When Kobani-7 exploded, some of their race survived. And they know it was your wish that nearly wiped them all out.
I hope that new bike was worth it, Jimmy.

Immersion

It took thirty days to render an immersion matrix for Jack.
Technicians tested it thoroughly for paradoxes and anomalies.
“It’s ready,” they said.
Jack was plugged into the matrix and we calibrated sensors so he wouldn’t realize that he wasn’t in the real world.
Everyone and everything he’d encounter in that matrix would be generated by it. Even Jack would be rendered by that matrix.
“It’s working,” said the technicians. “He doesn’t realize anything.”
For ninety years, we kept Jack running, and he thought he lived a full and happy life.
“We did well,” I said.
And they unplugged me.

Weekly Challenge #567 – Suggestion

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Stripey

JEFFREY

Suggestion Box
by Jeffrey Fischer

My company’s new CEO installed a suggestion box outside the executive suite. He emailed the staff, informing us of its existence and assuring us that anonymous suggestions were perfectly acceptable. He wanted us to feel part of the organization. And, after all, who better to understand where the firm could improve but its current employees?

I dropped my suggestion in the box early one morning, so no one could see me do it. “How about cut your obscene salary and give us a raise for once?” it read. My termination notice pointed out the ceiling camera just above the box.

CHARLIE

I made a suggestion. I suggested we go for a walk on the cliffs near the old mill. The old mill was closed down due to the pollution it produced.

The cleanup promised by the local tribe and the former mill operators was long overdue.

We walked close to the edge, and took photographs.

I hated her for the last eight years, and when she slipped on the loose rock close to the edge, I closed my eyes tight and covered my ears to block the sights and sounds of her head bouncing off the rocks on the way down.

RICHARD

Sommelier

“If I might make a suggestion, Sir, the Chablis would make an excellent accompaniment for the trout.”

I looked disdainfully over my menu at the waiter. Of course he’d suggest the Chablis – it was one of the most expensive bottles on the list! Did I look like I’m made of money?

“If I want your opinion on our meal, I’ll ask for it – until then, I rather think that the choice of wine is entirely ours!”

“Don’t you think I should ask the old trout herself what she would like?”, I continued, handing the menu to my wife.

LIZZIE

“Try looking under the bed, he says … Why didn’t he come upstairs himself and look under the bed? Why did I have to be the one looking under the bed? On my knees, getting my best clothes dirty… Yeah, like the dude is going to hide under the bed. What if I find him? What then? I’ll just say, hello, you. All good?”
Silence.
“Oh, damn. What’s this?”
More silence.
“Hey, Patrick. He’s not under the bed. But I found that hand we lost track of. The one we chopped off of the… what’s his name? The other millionaire.”

SERENDIPITY

The secret is to show no fear.

Not the slightest quiver of the lip, not the merest suggestion of nervousness, nor any sign of concern.

Just breeze through, eyes front, unconcerned about the situation and without any hesitation.

Because I can tell.

I know when you’re hiding something, and I can spot the signs – the way you fumble with your passport; the bead of sweat on your forehead; and your nervous looks across the desk as I check your visa.

Then, for you, I’m afraid it’s far too late…

And I smile as I pull on the latex gloves!

TOM

Top Down
“I’m tell ya boss this Suggestion Box thing, great idea,” said Baxster Beelzebub. “I’m still not sure this sends the right messages to our permanent guess. You know all that hope stuff. We do not want another outbreak of that.” Said the Big Man. “No prob boss. I got a plan.” “Like the republican congress?” “No bigger.” “Cell Phone Video game?“ “Bigger.” I’m listening, Beelzebub.” “We install Two Suggestion boxes.” “Wizard, Baxster. Write up a proposal and submit it to Eve in accounting. Who came up that idea?” Guy down in ring eight called Dante. “What’s in for?” “Indeterminable prose.”

JON

Only a Suggestion

By

Jon DeCles

“That shape has the suggestion of Humpty Trumpty,’ Alice thought as she approached the high wall…

“When I use a word,” Humpty Trumpty said, in a rather scornful tone, “it means just what I choose it to mean…”

“The question is,” said Alice, “whether you can make words mean so many different things.”

“The question is,” said Humpty Trumpty, “which is to be the master ¾ that’s all. They’ve a temper, some of them… Impenetrability, that’s what I say!”

“Would you tell me, please,” said Alice, “what that means?”

“Do you like my new wall? Mexico will pay for it!”

TURA

Suggestions
———
Recommendation engines have come a long way since Amazon’s “If you liked that book, try these.” They’re embedded in everything. “If you liked that holiday, try these.” “If you liked that person, meet these.” They even make suggestions about what to get suggestions about. “If you liked those holidays, try my job suggestions.” You can get conversational assistants, suggesting things to say into your ear in real time.

Some people follow the suggestion bots for everything. The brains of suggestion drones actually shrink from disuse.

So maybe you should start ignoring anything that begins, “If you liked…” Just a suggestion.

NORVAL JOE

“Just smile. It will make you feel better,” his girlfriend said, displaying her own broad set of pearly white teeth.
He smiled back.
Her suggestion didn’t work.
Jack didn’t feel better.
In fact, his feelings of inadequacy and frustration grew until they took shape. Not the shape of a square or circle or a wiener dog, but into the shape of a ten pound hammer that he brought down on her head.
Jack’s transformation was so sudden and unexpected that his girlfriend’s smile remained on her face, even in death.
“Did that make you feel better?” Jack, ‘The Hammer’, asked.

LAIEANNA

Jason has ever been my only friend. He was more of the scheming
leader and me the follower who did the tasks. I never hesitated when
he made suggestions.

“Why don’t you steal that golf cart?” I did.

“You should grab the cash Ms Pennely is always bragging about.” I did.

“How about you take this bat to that man’s head?” I did.

Nowadays it’s harder to keep up with the barriers between us, but we
manage. Just now got another one of his notes. “Why don’t you write
about me in a 100 word story.” So here I am.

CHRIS

The Suggestion
By Christopher Munroe

This is not a demand.

I have no power over you, no leverage, and even if I did it would be wrong of me to use that leverage to make demands of you.

You are a human being, with thoughts and feelings just as important and valid as my own, who has the right to exercise your own best judgment and preserve your own sense of moral agency, and I completely respect that and would never infringe upon it.

So no, this isn’t a demand.

This is merely a suggestion:

Get on the Party Bus. We’re all going to Vegas…

PLANET Z

George was a pirate, but he wasn’t a very good pirate.
He was clumsy and made lots of mistakes, and the rest of the crew had to make up for them.
So, they filled the Captain’s suggestion box with complaints.
Every week, the Captain emptied the box and read the notes.
“Make George walk the plank!”
“Keel haul George!”
“Feed George to the sharks!”
Some were just drawings of horrible things happening to a stick figure, presumably George.
He then read the note his dear departed sister had left him.
“Keep an eye on my son George.”
And he sighed.

The Incense

Every time we’d go to the Renaissance Festival, I buy sticks of incense.
I close my eyes and pull out sticks at random.
One of this, one of that.
I hand them to the storekeeper, and they ask me what kind I got.
“I don’t know,” I say. “I don’t care.”
I like to pick them out at random and light them.
I like to watch the wisp of smoke, and sense the aroma,
What is it? What will it be?
Half of the time, I have no idea what I’m burning.
But it’s nice, and I always like it.

Bowl Games

A long time ago, bowl games were something special:
Rose Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Cotton Bowl, and Orange Bowl.
As the conferences grew, the runners-up got resentful of the bowl snubs.
So, more bowl games were added.
Television coverage brought sponsorships, which brought even more bowl games.
FedEx sponsors the Orange Bowl.
Chik-fil-A sponsors the Peach Bowl.
What the hell do they have to do with peaches?
Now, all it takes is a non-losing record and enough players to smile for the cameras.
Eveybody’s playing in bowl games.
At what point do they go back to class and actually learn something.