Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Charlie
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Tom
• Serendipity
• Michael Webb
• Lizzie
• Norval Joe
• Tura
• Planet Z

MUNSI

February 29th

By Christopher Munroe

Every four year there’s an extra day in February.

As I’ve no doubt you knew without me pointing it out.

What you may not know is that, when that bonus day comes, I spend it in a church.

This might come as a surprise to those of you know me, as if I’m not atheist as such, my agnosticism with regard to a supreme being leans heavily in that direction, but there it is, in spite of all you might have thought…

For one day every four years, I have religion, because I’m willing to take a leap… of faith.

CHARLIE

A few weeks ago L.E.A.P., or The Low Energy Assistance Program, opened their doors, and have since attracted dozens of new clients in town. They offer shots, pills, tonics, electrotherapy, a special diet, and a ratio of 1 trainer/guide for each two members. Some of the medications used are on lists that mention cautionary use, and other items dispensed are kept as private interactions between the LEAP attendants and the program’s clients. Ass hide glue pellets, bi hu (house lizard), and stinkbug (kiu xiang chong) have been used, but contraindications have surfaced and these are being withheld until further study.

#2

The Lower Extremity Aerobic Program (LEAP) just began last week at our local Y W C A. Aerobic programs such as this concentrate on the lower extremities as the primary motive force in building heart strength and lung capacity. No muscles below the thigh are used during the rigid course of repetitions and the challenging positioning of the lower limbs, and joints. The ankles and toes are the point of focus for the day’s exercises. The last two, outside phalanges on each foot must be removed prior to training. Special shoes are also required, but are available at cost from LEAP’s in-house commissary.

#3

Tomorrow is Leap Day, in case you’ve forgotten. It is customary that women propose on Leap Day. A man is expected to get circumcised or re-circumcised if he refuses a marriage proposal on Leap Day. Four years ago, my friend, Tim, refused a surprise proposal from his Irish girlfriend, Heather. At thirty-two, he was kidnapped and taken to a Rabbi in Philadelphia where he was circumcised for the second time by an old Rabbi with palsy. He could never play the trumpet after that time, and to this day, when Leap Year comes around, he cowers in his room, shaking.

JEFFREY
Fractal Time
by Jeffrey Fischer

Ludwig Mandelbrot was the foremost scholar of time. Using ever-more precise measurements, he calibrated the passing of a second to sub-atomic precision. When a gravity wave passed over the Earth, he made subtle adjustments to ensure that a second took exactly a second to pass, no more, no less.

Similarly, he calculated each orbit of the Sun to an exact degree. Not content with adding a leap day every four years or so, or even adjusting for leap seconds now and then, he added and subtracted milliseconds, then nanoseconds, then picoseconds with wild abandon. Eventually he confused himself as to what day it was.

Or at least that was his excuse to the IRS as to why his tax return was late.

Look Before You Leap
by Jeffrey Fischer

His mother always told him to look before he leapt. Although this seemed like good advice at the time, he wondered if it was universally applicable. Were there occasions where looking ahead of time was likely to be a bad idea? He considered the question the next time he needed to clear a large puddle on the curb. Looking was clearly a good idea. He considered the question again when he dove with Acapulco cliff divers – nope, looking was necessary.

At long last, he thought he found the ideal time to ignore his mother’s advice: when hurtling one’s self off a tall building in order to commit suicide. That was a freaking long way down! He turned around and meekly made his way to the ground the slow way, via the elevator.

RICHARD

#1 – Captain’s Log

I gave the command, and we made the leap into hyperspace – the stars froze, becoming streaks on the viewport, then the strange, inside-out feeling as the ship almost immediately began to decelerate.

Suddenly the ship was rocked violently, throwing us across the bridge.

“Captain, we’re under attack!”

I gave the order to return fire, but this would be no picnic – enemy lasers shone out in the darkness, and the ship was taking heavy fire.

Right in the midst of battle, I heard a shouted command: “Supper’s ready!”

I paused the game – victory could wait until bedtime.

#2 – Jonesey – The Leap Year Kid

We always laughed at Jimmy Jones – the Leap Year Kid – having the misfortune to be born on February, twenty-ninth led to endless ribbing.

“Hey Jonesey, ya big three year old! Get back to nursery school”, we’d tease; “Isn’t it time for your afternoon nap?”

I can’t say he took it particularly well, especially since we carried on the mockery into adulthood: “Sorry Jonesey, this is a man’s bar – why doncha go play in the ball pit?”

Of course, he had the last laugh.

Now in my seventies, I swear he doesn’t look a day over eighteen!

TOM

Power of One’s Conviction

He was a man who always embraced the conventional wisdom. Not one to
wander too far from the tried and true. Cautious, Calculating,
Conservative in action. The rock others depended to be immutable in a
capricious universe. But here he stood squarely between the horns of a
dilemma. Clearly the rational choice while practical and profitable lacked
a depth of satisfaction. In counterpoint the irrational choice while
incredibility satisfying was an indictment of everything he held dear. In
the end he chose a leap of faith, and for better or for worst became a
quite different man. He chose love.

With Out Grace

In the category of leaps the standing broad jump seems at first glance a
candidate for oxymoronic land, but if one were to closely examine the need
to leap, there is not much of an opportunity to tap into stored kinetic
energy. Oddly enough to be successful at this event both length and
compression is needed. On the line you get as tightly packed as possible,
arms, legs, chest. Then drive upward to full extension. You don’t stop
there. You pull your knees to your chest, fly forward like a cannonball.
The landing is rough, but you’re guaranteed to place.

1461 to 1

Benny was old for his age. He was 14 going on 56. It wasn’t because he was
young of heart or hyper extended adolescence. He was born on Feb 29, a
leap year baby. Each year on the 28th and 1st his family would throw these
two day unbirthday parties. Double the presents, double the ice cream,
cake and clowns. As an adult he continued the practice to legendary highs.
One year he rented the whole god damn Ringling Brothers Circus. Another
one aboard the Titanic II. For his 15th birthday there are plans to book
the International Space Station

SERENDIPITY

Life, you said, was passing you by – you wanted something more fulfilling, less of the routine, more excitement.

“You’ve got to learn to live a little”, I said, “have fun, try new things, take the occasional risk.”

Even so, I was pretty surprised when you took my suggestion seriously, although when it came to the crunch, you were starting to get cold feet.

“Look, I said – bungee jumping is perfectly safe – consider it a leap of faith.”

You jumped.

And, six and half seconds later, you hit the ground.

Maybe I should have tied the knot tighter?

MICHAEL WEBB

The red leather toe of her shoe made tiny figures in the air between her and I.

“Want to know something?,” she said. “I’m really only seven. I was born on Leap Year Day.”

I looked at her black hair as she sipped. The evening felt inevitable, like a movie I’ve seen already.

“Is that so?,” I said.

“Yes,” she said, and her toe stopped. “Have you ever slept with a seven year old girl?”

It feels like that sometimes, I thought.

“Never,” I said.

She stood up, her dress the shimmering blue promise of tomorrow’s rain.

“Let’s,” she said.

LIZZIE

“Just leave that. We can’t take anything.”

The two ran outside to join the mass of people hurrying down the street.
The military crammed as many as they could in their vehicles before speeding away.
“Hop in,” he said, dragging her towards one of the trucks.
She shook her head.
“We are going to die if we stay.”
She pulled her sleeve up, and a blue light popped up.
“I am like them.”
He was speechless. Then he stretched out his arm. “To be with you.”
She injected him.
They never looked like humans again, but they were still together.

NORVAL JOE

Adages for a happy life.

Never chew off more than you can bite. The mouth was created, or evolved to be, the appropriate size for efficient consumption. Consume food, and life’s challenges, in reasonably sized pieces.

Don’t walk faster than you can run. It’s got to do with body mechanics and efficiency. You’ll go a lot farther, in the long run, if you just walk at a reasonable pace.

Never look before you leap. What are you going to see, anyway? Crocodiles? The distance is too far?

You’ll never accomplish much if you let fear, or death, hold you back.

TURA

Leap

———

The planet Triselii orbits chaotically about three suns, spending a few orbits around one, then around the other binary pair. Not only do the years vary drastically in length, but also the days. Nevertheless, their astronomers have decreed a standard year and a standard day, to which are added leap months, leap days, and leap hours, so that midday always coincides with the closest sun being at its zenith, and the seasons fall at consistent times of the year.

So complex are the calculations, that they believe mathematics would never be developed on a planet orbiting a mere single sun.

PLANET Z

The salmon run along the Columbia River isn’t much of a run anymore.
Dams block the migration of salmon back up the river to their spawning
Engineers built spillways and fish ladders that allow the salmon to leap from pool to pool, until they rejoin the river on the upside of the dam.
Some rivers use siphon pumps and trap elevators instead of the spillways, but the goal is the same.
Whatever the technology, I prefer to use a net at the entry point.
Let’s collect up a few big ones and take them home for dinner.
Delicious Salmon!

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Charlie
• Jeffrey
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipity
• Munsi
• Tom
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

CHARLIE

Lennie’s first day on the job had him working in the basement of the courthouse. He kept hanging around the foreman’s office and he pestered the old guy. “Go pound sand down a rat hole!” Lennie got the message and went to the basement to start working. The basement was full of rats, and there was a large pile of sand in the corner. Lennie picked up a heavy wooden maul and started pounding sand into the big hole in the middle of the floor. Two yards of sand went into the rat hole until Lennie was exhausted, but determined.

#2

The passage of time is analogous to the flow of the sand in an hourglass. Once the hourglass is inverted, the sand does not stop for anyone or anything. Also, the time that we have to live decreases continuously, just as the sand in the top of the hourglass does. My lady friend has been told that she has an hourglass figure, although the sand has moved quickly and unforgivingly to the bottom of the glass, with no chance that it can be reversed. Lennie, who I spoke of earlier, has reached his middle years, but as an inverted hourglass.

JEFFREY

The St. Valentine’s Day Massacre
by Jeffrey Fischer

Every year was the same: I would rack my brain to think of a Valentine’s Day gift my wife would really enjoy – not just empty calories in a box of chocolates, or overpriced flowers that would be gone inside a week. Every year she would open the package, look at what I bought, look at me, and tell me to try again next year. I realize now that the Calphalon pan, the Dyson vacuum cleaner, and the portable iron for traveling were all mistakes. I vowed that the dagger looks would be a thing of the past.

My problem in previous years was that I bought something I assumed she would like. This time, I thought hard about what I would like to get. That’s when inspiration struck. I jumped in the car to pick out the perfect present.

How was I supposed to know that women don’t think a belt sander is particularly romantic?

Graduation
by Jeffrey Fischer

Ralph had an IQ north of 140 and scores of 800 on both his Math and English SATs, yet here he was, in summer school when the rest of his friends had already graduated. Ralph’s problem: a failing grade in Shop. If he didn’t pass this summer course, he wouldn’t be starting college in the fall.

His problem the last time had been his work-working project. His chess board had so many rough surfaces that the Shop teacher had to see the school nurse for his multiple splinters. Ralph knew he wouldn’t repeat this mistake.

The teacher looked puzzled at the object Ralph placed in his hands. The unknown piece was smooth, all right, but wafer-thin. Ralph explained, “It’s a three-dimensional representation of a two-dimensional surface.”

Ralph passed, but his report card made it clear that the only reason was that Mr. Richter didn’t want to see him again.

RICHARD

The Gospel According to Norman: The Parable of the Wise and Foolish Builders

There were two men who wished to build themselves new homes.

One chose the cheap option, building his house upon the sand. The sea view was to die for, but those in the know shook their heads scornfully.

The other man chose to build on a solid foundation far inland. The cost was ruinous, but he considered it worthwhile.

Then a huge storm came and blew down the house built on sand.

But the first man was wise, and well insured: He made more on the payout than the house had cost, and laughed all the way to the bank!

LIZZIE

The beach was deserted.
They sat close together and held hands.
It was done.
“The casket is lovely, isn’t it?” she whispered.
He agreed.
The incoming tide threatened to reach them.
He looked at his hand. He could still feel the stickiness.
“I can’t believe my husband is gone. Aren’t you happy?”
He looked at the horizon. He wasn’t that sure anymore.
“Do you love me?” she purred.
Eventually, he’d have to spend money on a second casket; already he could see that coming.
Resenting her clinginess, he vowed never to celebrate Valentine’s Day again. It was too damn expensive.

SERENDIPITY

We had a lovely day at the beach – the sun shone, without a cloud in the sky.

I can’t remember the last time I had such fun! We strolled along the promenade, played the penny arcades and feasted on fish and chips, as seagulls entertained us on the seafront.

With the day drawing to a close, we rested on the beach, watching the waves.

Ignoring my partner’s screams, I relaxed in the fading sunlight. Buried to his neck in sand, it was only a matter of time before the advancing tide would silence his protests.

Such a lovely day!

MUNSI

A Love Note

By Christopher Munroe

I don’t like sand.

It’s coarse, and it’s rough and it’s irritating, and it gets everywhere.

Not like here, here everything’s soft, and smooth.

And it’s just like the ocean, under the moon.

That’s the same as the emotion that I get from you.

You’ve got the kind of loving that can be so smooth, yeah.

Give me your heart, make it real, or else forget about it…

And so you see, Padme, while I do hate sand, you’re not like sand, and so I do love you.

Because, rather than being anything like sand, you are my sweet Sand-tana…

TOM

Sand Man
Mother tucked Timmy into bed. “Sand Man’s coming Time to go to sleep,” she
sang and turned out the light. All night long Timmy saw faces in the dark.
Some grinned like Jack O Lanterns. Others like the distorted drawing in
the family bible. Every time Timmy slipped off he heard a wind whip sand
against the window of his room and his eyes popped open. The next morning
a bedraggled Timmy stumbled downstairs to breakfast. The house was empty.
No mom, no dad, no little sister. It was so quiet, just the sound of sand
tapping at the windows.

Cheap Thrills

One of my favorite memories of growing up in the Midwest was digging
school and going to the dunes. If it was Monday it was Indiana Dunes. If
it was Friday it was Michigan Dunes, which was the cooler of the two.
Major sand in Holland, Michigan. Loop a rope through a big old piece of
cardboard, jump off the top, and scream down the side of the dunes like a
toboggan run. Well, that was the idea, but rarely execute. Half way down
you would flip and slid head first into the sand. Damn good fun that was.

Sandy

“Mom why did you name be Sandy?” Mary Margret Sullivan smiled and remember
the Our Lady of Grace’s Retreat in Santa Cruz. The night she and Chasity
O’Toole snuck down to the beach and spent the night drinking beer with a
bunch of Austrian surfers. Both of them didn’t get on the bus back to Ohio
and end up at Berkeley. George was such a gentleman, but not the dad. She
knew she would tell her daughter about that night, but not tonight. “Want
to go to the beach tomorrow?” asked mom. “Can Mary O’Toole come with?”
“Sure Honey.”

TURA
Sand
———

I once had to get away for a bit— never mind why. This friend puts me onto a mate of his, runs a bar in Spain. I gets across the Channel on a freighter, hitchhike through France and into Spain. I’ve only got handwritten directions, but anyway, long story short, I walk into the place about eight in the evening. The locals all go silent and watch. I say “Coffee”, just like that, same word everywhere. I get this thimbleful of black stuff. It tasted like sand.

And that was my first experience of REAL coffee. Haven’t had instant since.

NORVAL JOE

A wise man built his house upon a rock and when the winds blew and the rains fell the building weathered the storm and remained in tact. He laughed at another man who he deemed foolish for building his house upon the sand.

The other man replied, “I plant my taters in sandy land.”

The wise man agreed, “Then, perhaps that isn’t so foolish.”

The second man’s house endured unexpected rains and winds without being washed away, but all the local cats dug in the sand to bury their waist. Though he had many potatoes, they smelled like cat crap.

PLANET Z

One day, you’re here.
The next, you’re gone.
And someone takes your place. My place. Our place.
You don’t own anything. It owns you, for a little while.
Until it finds someone else to have it.
And the person after them.
What is now? Now is the next yesterday.
Just a series of the next yesterdays.
There is no tomorrow. It’s just a now that hasn’t happened yet.
A yesterday that’s already come and gone.
You? Me?
We only write our names in sand.
The next wave comes, and wipes us clean.
The waves never end.
Wiping everything clean.