Freddy’s Fat

Freddy’s fat.
People called him Fat Freddy.
Well, not me. I called him Fred.
But others, they called him Fat Freddy behind his mile-wide back, and to his big fat face.
Nobody invited him anywhere.
So, Freddy shaved his head.
“Gonna call me Baldy now?” he said.
Nope. They still called him Fat Freddy.
So, Freddy took cooking classes for a year.
He got really good at cooking.
Now, people call him to invite him over for dinner.
“Come cook for us,” they say. “Come join us.”
But that’s not joining. That’s serving.
So, we go out for sushi together.

Hot Mess

I can’t believe he’s marrying her.
She’s such a hot mess. Total psycho.
What is he thinking?
And he’s got kids, too, right?
She can’t handle herself. How is she going to handle being a stepmother?
I wouldn’t trust my kids with her.
Why is he doing this?
Maybe it’s the “I don’t care if the chick I fuck will get my kids killed” gene?
Or “I’m a shitty father” gene.
He has it, passed it on to the kids, and it’ll get weeded out by natural selection.
Maybe we’ll get them a family burial plot as a wedding gift.

Mornings

Most mornings, I wake up early.
I start a cup of coffee, have some yogurt, and eat vitamin and fiber chews.
Then I get out my wireless headset so I can listen to my favorite podcasts.
At some point, Tinny jumps up on my shoulder and takes a nap. And I pet her.
I can type or text while my arm is around her. She doesn’t mind much.
The earlier, the better. More time to pet her. But at some point, I have to get up, shower, get dressed, and go to work.
She hates those goodbyes.
I do too.

They tell you their stories

The judge gave me community service.
So, I’m serving the community in the old folks home.
Cleaning bedpans, washing towels and sheets.
People who have nothing better to do than sit, wait, and pray.
They tell you their stories.
We met in school.
He had the coolest hat.
I’d just come back from the war.
Sometimes, it’s not so nice.
He drank.
He hit me.
He brought this on himself.
And now they wait. They feel guilty for needing to go home to shower. Or sleep.
I do too, because whatever they leave behind, I’m bringing to the pawn shop.

Italy?

Italy.
Tell me about Italy
Tell me everything you know about Italy.
The questioners walk from person to person in the mall, asking them about Italy.
Some knew things about Italy.
Some knew a lot.
But most people only knew that it was shaped like a boot. Or about Rome.
One person got confused and talked about Austria.
Another wanted help with a can opener.
“You’re left-handed,” I told him. “That’s a right-handed can opener.”
After we opened a few cans, he thanked me for the help.
“So about Italy…”
He smiled and walked away.
So, tell me about Italy.

Blackness

As I drove through the parking lot, I saw a black cat with yellow eyes and no collar streak from one car to the next.
I know that it wasn’t Bruwyn; he is gone forever. But Bruwyn was a feral kitten, and any black cat I see on the loose is probably a relative of his.
I parked, got out the cat treats, and poured a few out on the curb. Hissing and staring, the cat crept up and ate a few, then ran off again.
If I cannot have my lost son, at least I can honor his family.

Weekly Challenge #530- Clear

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

Derp

MUNSI

Meanwhile, at the Commissioner’s Office
By Christopher Munroe

“Let me make myself clear…” he told me, and then vanished.

Which, to be completely honest, I found more than a little bit smug.

I mean, okay, we get it, you have powers beyond those of mortal man, powers that include among others mastery over your body at the molecular level, to the point that you can turn your physical form completely transparent, allowing light to pass through you and rendering yourself invisible to the human eye. We’re all very impressed.

No need to be a dick about it, though, right?

I swear, sometimes superheroes are more trouble then they’re worth…

JEFFREY

All Clear
by Jeffrey Fischer

The “all clear” notice came but no one left the shelter. We recognized the engine signature of the bomber we called Adolf. He thought he was clever: when his fellow Heinkel pilots dropped their payloads, Adolph did not. As the squadron flew back to the Channel, he would return to drop his bombs, hoping to catch people on the streets. That surprise worked exactly once, after which everyone listened for Adolph to go for good before returning to the surface.

Adolph was too clever for his own good: his fighter escort departed with the rest of his squadron. The fourth time he pulled his trick, the RAF made short work of him.

I Can See for Miles
by Jeffrey Fischer

They say that on a clear day you can see forever. Thursday was exceptionally clear. The weatherman said visibility was “unlimited,” so I put the adage to the test.

The mountain range, 20 miles away and normally enveloped in haze, was crystal clear. I looked farther. I could see individual craters on the Moon. I could see Pluto, with its delusions of being a planet, and the galactic center, and clusters of galaxies beyond our own. I saw to the Big Bang, the moment of creation, but still I looked farther. I stared into the face of God – and he stared back, mouthing, “I see you, Jeffrey.” Oh, shit. I closed the blinds and hid until the day turned cloudy.

LIZZIE

A small window allowed him a narrow view of the world. He liked that. A seagull flew by every now and then. And he just did his job.
That night, he didn’t do his job; that’s what the money was for. In sheer darkness, he turned a blind eye. He sat down, his back towards the money piled up on the table.
The next morning, when he read the news, he climbed to the top of the lighthouse and jumped. In his mind, he became a seagull flying in a clear blue sky, carrying that kid who had been kidnapped.

CHARLIE

I wove myself into the upper echelon of the group. My next plateau in Scientology was to go CLEAR. I had devoted seven years to my quest, and twenty thousand dollars in Bitcoin. Clear is the state achieved through auditing and giving up my secrets, my sexual orientation, bank balances, friend’s names and contact information as well as describing the persona that no longer has his own reactive mind. Without a reactive mind, individuals regain their basic personality, self-determinism and, in essence, become much, much more the slave of L. Ron Hubbard, the sci-fi author and captain of the ship.

#2

Until my date, my face was a mass of eruptions, blotches, pustules, and pimples. I thought my life was over, and I would be a map of zits for life, until I heard that going all the way would clear things up. I saved for a cab ride, a fancy dinner and a show with a date. Myrna would put out for all this, so I was sure to have a normal complexion in a couple of days. We did the nasty, my face cleared up in two days, but I got a dose of la clapoir before the weekend.

RICHARD

A cunning plan

Only two things remained clear in Boggin’s thoughts… Firstly, if he just lay here, things could only go from bad to worse. Secondly, he had no idea what he could do in the alternative.

The creeping hands had reached the lip of his pocket. The vague beginnings of a plan crept unwillingly into his mind.

“Stop!”, he rasped, with all the strength he could muster; “There’s nothing for you there, but I can tell you where to find untold riches!”

Quickly, the hobbit described to his captor the whereabouts of the treasure he’d abandoned.

“Interesting”, hissed the creature, “we’ll see…”

TOM

Mad World
Clear was born with electric eyes. Endowed by his creator with a grace of action that brought peace to all who came in contact with his presence. He traversed the globe defusing madness and chaos. “To unlock the harden heart one must be willing to give up their own,” he said. When he was taken the world prayed. When they took his life the world mourned. To every generation a light is given to clear the path. In every generation the darkness grows to obscure that path. Clearly we need to heed the whisper and raise it to a call.

SEREDNIPITY

The test results came back clear.

Of course, none of the surgical team knew that: Those results were currently sitting in the discarded shredded paper bin in my office. As far as they were concerned, I had every reason in the world to be poking around in the patient’s brain.

But I didn’t – it was just something I liked to do for fun… To relieve the monotony of the job.

My assistant held up a picture of a carrot.

“Saxorillabus”, came the patient’s response. I giggled quietly.

Then his heart stopped.

They grabbed the paddles…

“Clear!”

But, too late.

ZACKMANN

So many people are reviewing movies but so many movie titles are used that don’t fit the movie. So for clarity we will change them, like Avatar or more accurately Fern Gulley Dances with Smurfs, We Can We Can Remember It for You Wholesale: Based on the Philip K Dick story that had been wiped from the minds of the creators of Total Recall. John Carter of Mar: a Princess of Mars. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory seems right since it was not a Willy Wonka remake. Tell me which I missed or why I am wrong in the comments.

NORVAL JOE

“Everybody hold on a minute,” Mandy shouted. “Mickey. Clear this up for me. Who are all these people and why do you all have funny names. I mean…Monkey Boy? Seriously?”
Mickey scratched his head. “Honestly. I’m kind of a super hero. That’s why I was late for work today. Polecat and her henchmen were chasing me.”
Mandy turned on Ferret. “Aren’t ferrets and polecats the same thing?”
“Pretty much. Ferrets are like tame polecats. It makes sense, though. We are sisters.”
“You’re sisters?” Cherry Cola asked.
Ferret nodded. “We’re twins. Not identical, of course, and I’m nicer than she is.”

TURA

Clear
———
Having dismissed my servant for his persistent surliness, I tested his replacement by sending him on an errand to the market. I concluded my instructions by saying, “Is that clear?”

“Truly, master,” he replied, “it is as if a window that was begrimed has been made clean! It is as if an old and broken lamp has been repaired and filled again with oil, and its wick trimmed and lighted! It is as if thick clouds have dispersed and revealed the sun! Even so do your most excellent words turn darkness into light.”

I wished for the old servant back.
———
There once was a cobbler who made shoes so fine
That he always had meat on the table, and wine
He was best and he knew it, no need to be humble
But his neighbours would gather to gossip and grumble
“He lives like a lord while for us life’s a bitch”
“We’d rather go unshod than see him grow rich!”
The more trade they brought him the more they complained
And on church days both he and his wife were disdained.
The moral of this is abundantly clear
Big fish in small ponds should eat bread and drink beer.
———

PLANET Z

The guru told Benny to clear his mind, and Benny did as he was told.
When the guru asked Benny for the password to his bank account, he couldn’t remember it.
“Okay, okay… you can remember everything now,” said the guru.
But Benny’s mind was already clear. There was nothing at all in his head.
The guru tried to use Benny’s credit cards to make few purchases, but they all had delivery address safety features.
And Benny’s phone wasn’t one of those thumbprint ID phones.
The guru took Benny’s cash, tore off his false beard, and hailed an Uber ride.

Frozen

A long time ago, when I was working support for a small public television station, I got a call from secretary in Marketing who said that her computer was frozen.
“Did you reboot the machine?” I asked.
“No,” she said. “It’s frozen. Frozen solid.”
I put down the phone and ran back to the Marketing Department.
Sure enough, the caterers for a fundraiser had dropped off ice and champagne, and the ice had spilled out on to the floor
The computer was encased in ice.
We left it outside to thaw, and salvaged what we could from the hard drive.

Babe Ruth

I was there when Babe Ruth died.
Thin and frail, there in is bed.
He could barely speak. Barely breathe.
There were boxes of Cuban cigars piled up in the hall, unopened.
Cases of whiskey and bourbon and so much beer, stacked up in the garage.
He could barely speak. Barely breathe.
But he managed to say “Good to see you.”
And it was. It was good to see me.
“One last thing,” I said, and I set aside my scythe.
I got out a card, his rookie season card, and a pen.
He was too weak to sign it.

Trading

Soulstones are easy to use.
After a couple swallows a pair of soulstones and goes to sleep, they will wake up in each other’s bodies.
When you’re ready to switch back, wait for the stones to come out, wash them off, and swallow them again.
I don’t know how they work. I just know they work.
What’s it like?
It’s disorienting, seeing yourself standing in front of you.
“A deal’s a deal,” says Natalie, pushing her cock into my mouth.
Her mouth. My mouth.
Pronouns can be so confusing with soulstones.
But you adapt quickly.
“That’s nice,” says Natalie, smiling.