Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Jeffrey
• Charlie
• Munsi
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Ami
• Aubrey
• Serendipity
• Tom
• Tura
• Norval Joe
• Planet Z

JEFFREY

The Decline of Civilization
by Jeffrey Fischer

In downtown Washington, as in any tourist area, cameras are ubiquitous. Tourists snap away, taking home reminders of their trips. Back in the day, though, the expense of film made everyone consider carefully each click of the shutter.

Today, the horrible combination of digital cameras and human narcissism means that everyone takes selfies, invariably in stupid poses. You’ve seen them: the goofy grin, the peace sign, standing on one leg. The culmination of this terrible trend is the selfie stick. Only the fact that museums have started banning those abominations gives me a glimmer of hope for humanity.

Propaganda Film
by Jeffrey Fischer

Looking straight into the camera, Lieutenant Sheaffer began to read the propaganda script his captors had forced on him. He had considered resisting, but instead designed a better plan. He recalled Commander, later Admiral, Jeremiah Denton, who was taken prisoner during the Vietnam War and who used a series of eye blinks to spell out “torture” in Morse code as he read Viet Cong propaganda. Like Denton, the young Lieutenant used Morse code to blink out a message. This one simply read, “assholes.”

Back in the U.S., no one could agree whether Sheaffer was referring to his Iranian captors or the spineless politicians back home.

CHARLIE

They say cameras don’t lie, but mine lied like a rug; like a cheap watch. I’d take a picture of a beautiful woman, and when I got home and looked at the photos, the light was wrong, the photo was blurred, or the top of her head was cut off. My camera was a prefabricator. It was a Leica M-3 and I suspected as much. I bought it in small shop in Bonn, Germany from an ex Nazi. I should have avoided the place, as it was frequented by skinheads and lots of older men with glasses and brown overcoats.

#2

The ultra-miniature camera was cleverly integrated into the frame of my thick glasses. I could trigger the camera and microphone with a small, radio device in my pocket. I’d be markedly rude to someone just to get a close-up of their expected, enraged expression and their explosive reaction. Often, I went out of my way to be purposefully rude to the barista or the waitress at the cafe. This morning, the last image that was recorded was the fork approaching the center of my forehead as I made a particularly ugly remark to the obese server at Wo Lee’s Restaurant.

#3

My new camera is the shit. It has a dozen modes, takes two flash chips, has built in Wi-Fi, accepts voice commands, prompts subjects to smile, to stay still, to move left or right, higher or lower, can take ultraviolet and infrared images, emits a signal if more than ten feet away from me, has gyro stabilization, ear and mic jacks, wireless charging capacity, and it can send a signal to outboard recording discs or to a cloud account. It features an ultrasonic sensor cleaning “motor”, etc., etc. I found the camera in the back seat of my landlord’s Lincoln.

MUNSI

My Camera

By Christopher Munroe

I’ve bought a Polaroid camera.

And film, obviously. It would’ve been pointless without film.

I bought it just in case I meet a girl with brown hair and glasses, who loves The Smiths and wants to teach me to love life again the way a child does.

We’ll lay by the river, talking about our hopes and dreams while I snap Polaroids of the two of us, falling in love.

I don’t have a specific bespectacled brunette in mind, yet, I bought it just in case…

After all, if I ever DO meet her, I’d hate not to be ready…

RICHARD

#1 – Camera

You know all those moments when you just wish you had a camera with you, only you haven’t?

That’s the story of my life!

Those once in a lifetime opportunities to capture history in the making… But the camera’s still in the car.

Those freak occurrences, when you’re in the right place, at exactly the right time… And your camera isn’t.

Those iconic shots that get put on t-shirts and are recognisable the world over… If only you’d brought the camera.

Happens to me, time after time.

I’m beginning to think that press photographer was definitely the wrong career choice.

#2 – The Gospel According to Norman: The Parable of the Tourist

It so happened that a certain stranger to the country was separated from his family and found himself lost in the city.

It came to pass that good fortune led him to the temple square, where he gazed in wonderment at the great house of the Almighty, built by the toil of faithful men.

Wishing to preserve the moment, he brought forth his camera, calling upon a passer-by to assist. As he posed before the temple gates, the rogue made off with his camera, disappearing into the crowd.

Be not fooled – though the temple is holy, man is not.

LIZZIE

Lillie was bored. Work, home, the occasional walk at the beach. It was during one of these walks that she spotted the camera. She looked around. The beach was practically deserted. A few surfers challenged the waves. She grabbed the camera and wiped the sand away. Then, she clicked the power button. And there it was, someone else’s life. The family get-together. A birthday and a wedding. The pregnant girlfriend and the beach, this beach. Suddenly, Lillie’s life wasn’t boring any more. She had to find these people. Yes, and in the meantime, she’d be the keeper of their past.

AMI

Hair, make-up, outfit perfect. Vultures, pixel whores, candid money-shot stalkers. Bounty sold to the highest bidder for gold and recognition. Not the halos-of-light and soft-shadows image. No, they covet that moment when the wind is angry and a memorable contortion belies natural grace.

Posture perfect, chin up, sparkle on and moving gingerly to the elevator, my eyes scan, anticipating the sneak attack. I smooth and position before the lobby doors open. Nothing. Stealth bastards.

Realization won’t deflate my outer calm. I move confidently into the spotlight of a chandelier and tap, smiling at my Verizon LG.

AUBREY

Most of the time when people see me wandering around with my nice camera, they figure I’m into photography.

I guess they’re not wrong, technically.

A part of me wonders if that would be better, maybe easier, than what I actually do.

Sitting in a car, outside a seedy motel or a bar isn’t exactly glamorous work. But catching people at their not-so-finest moments? It pays the bills.

I suppose maybe I am a photographer, the subjects just don’t know their secrets are no longer secrets. It’s not art, but it is lucrative. That will have to do for now.

SERENDIPITY

That bright flash you saw out of the corner of your eye was sunlight catching my lens.

Foolish of me really – I should take more care – it would be such a shame to give the game away now.

I’ve been watching you for weeks: Camera documenting every movement and every moment as your life unfolds through my viewfinder.

I know your routines, what you do, where and when you go – there’s not a thing I don’t know about you.

Your own, personal, private camera shoot.

And, one of these days…

I’m going to shoot you for real!

TOM

I Am a Camera

Most kid’s first camera was a Kodak Box Brownie. Not yours truly. At the
tender act of 10 I was shooting with a twin lens Zeiss Ikon Ikoflex, a
camera my father had purchase in Japan, during the Korean War. Beautiful 2
Ľ inch negatives. By 12 I had an entire darkroom set up in the back bath
room. Over the years I have had a dozen LSR cameras. Shot 1000s of photos.
I got boxes of negatives shot over a half century. You would think I might
harbor a romantic longing for chemical photography. Screw that, give me
digital

TURA

Camera

———

I have an aura camera. At least, that’s how I present my stall at Mind Body and Spirit shows. The camera’s loaded with UV-sensitive film, and with a few blacklights and cold reading, it turns a steady penny.

This this guy shows up, tall, elegant, a little odd.

“Would you like to *really* see auras?” he said.

“The camera works well enough,” I say, trying to figure his game.

“The gift chooses *you*,” he says, and walks off.

And now I do see everyone’s auras. I can’t see my own though. They don’t show up in mirrors. Or in cameras.

NORVAL JOE

Tyler Perry mugged for the TV cameras as he walked up the red carpet, a late nominee to the Oscars.

A multiple nominee, Mr. Perry waited in vain for a win in the categories of script writing for his most recent offering in the Madea franchise, “Medea and Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure” and Costuming for his portrayal as Medea in “Medea and Pee Wee Herman’s Big Adventure”.

Ultimately, his greatest disappointment was not winning the category of “Man Dressed as an Old Fat Woman” which went to a high school drama class’s recording of their performance of “Mrs. Doubtfire”.

PLANET Z

I’ve got one of those smartphones with a built-in camera.
I can’t remember the last time I used an actual camera.
I know that I’ve got a digital camera somewhere in my desk drawer.

Which might come in handy, if I ever need to snap a photo of my camera.

If nobody else with a smartphone is around.

Or I couldn’t manage to get a hold of someone, since it is a phone, after all.

Or text someone. Or facebook a meetup.

Although I could probably snap a photo of my smartphone with the camera in my laptop.

Never mind.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is the Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Tom
• Jeffrey
• Charlie
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Aubrey
• Serendipity
• Ami
• Norval Joe
• Tura
• Danny
• Planet Z

MUNSI

On Filmgoing

By Christopher Munroe

I’ve seen Inception.

Presumably.

I mean, it’s the type of movie I WOULD see. I love Chris Nolan, he makes interesting, thinky blockbusters that blend spectacular visual effects with densely packed ideas, and I respond consistently well to his films.

Also: Batman.

Plus, I remember watching the film, enjoying the performances and talking on my way home about whether Leo had woken up or not. I remember it vividly.

But, in spite of all that, if it were just a case of somebody putting the MEMORY of the movie Inception in my mind while I slept, how would I know?

TOM

your own steps in flight

I thought about you today. I remember the day I took the picture tacked to
the wall. Something had caught your interest and just the shadow of a
smile graced your face. I thought I had boxed up all the photos after the
funeral, but this one had somehow escaped the purge and was hiding under a
CalStrs report. Just a corner was showing, just a small edge of your hair,
but enough to send me sailing through time and space. I thought we would
grow old together. Wasn’t to be. I think I’ll leave that one on the wall.

JEFFREY

Blue Book
by Jeffrey Fischer

Jeremy opened the exam. His eyes skimmed the first question, then the next and the next. He started to panic, all rational thoughts gone from his mind. He didn’t understand how this was happening. He had studied for this test harder than any previous one, and knew the material cold. For some reason, all he could recall were songs from his favorite metal bands and strategies for winning at Fallout 4. Only then did it occur to him that “studying” for the exam while listening to music and playing Fallout might not have been his best strategy.

Deep Thoughts
by Jeffrey Fischer

John had no real foreign policy expertise, but years in politics allowed him to fake it. He would listen to subordinates, ponder, stare at a point in the distance, and prepare to deliver Deep Thoughts. Examples included such gems as “Peace is important to the region,” and “We would be gravely concerned if Iran developed nuclear weapons,” and the bumper-sticker classic that “War is not the answer.”

A newcomer asked some of the old hands why they didn’t challenge John on his vague statements. One veteran finally broke the awkward silence. “The last time we insisted the boss come up with concrete guidance instead of his usual vague bullshit, we got James Taylor in Paris. Never again.”

CHARLIE

It was Spring, and the young man turned his thoughts to love…rather erotic trysts in the back of the school bus during football games. His target was Myrna Cotton. Jerry wished her mango was a little more pert, but he couldn’t be too fussy, given the time he had to join paunches with Myrna. Three days after his encounter with Myrna, Jerry was at the chemist buying cures identified as oils, compounds, expectorants, coated tablets, drops, liquids, waters, purifiers, balsams, renewers, balms, extracts, seltzers, preparations, vapors, and liniments. None of them worked, and Jerry’s El Jefe had to be excised.

#2

I enjoy thought problems. I’ll share one. You have an enemy combatant in your care. He knows where the bomb is hidden. You are alone with the man, and you have a toolbox full of pliers, hammers and linoleum knives. What is going through your mind as you try to reason with the man and repeatedly ask him where he secreted the bomb? After two hours, he has said nothing but his name. You eye the pliers in the toolbox. Do you start pulling his teeth or ripping out his fingernails, or do you give up and go to lunch?

#3

I always thought that interventions were fucking rude. Some friends gathered together last night and sprung an intervention. They surprised me in my own living room under the pretense of giving me a going-away party for my upcoming, yearly, trip to Japan. I was really upset, but managed to hear them out without revealing anything, making excuses, or busting out in tears. One of them went to his car and brought in a big whiteboard filled with numbers. They showed me how much I had spent on rehab, medical bills, drugs and alcohol. I got sober at 2 this morning.

RICHARD

#1 – Fool’s Gold

Having secured the ogre as best he could – double granny knots, a squirrel hitch and twelve turns around the nearest tree – the hobbit’s thoughts turned to the gold.

He was now rich beyond his wildest dreams, but he had no idea how to move the treasure, and he knew his travelling companions weren’t going to let him keep it for himself.

His thoughts were interrupted by a distant roar: Shortly after, the sounds of panic-stricken adventurers, echoed throughout the forest, along with the sound of a very angry pursuing dragon.

“Oh crap!”, thought Boggins, “that’s all I need!”

#2 – The Gospel According to Norman: Advice Regarding Impure Thoughts

If a man, or woman (for in the eyes of the One True Law, they are also men), would entertain impure and base thoughts, then it shall be an abomination and they should be cast out and declared ritually unclean.

For it is better to enter the Kingdom of Norman adorned with filthy rags, yet possessed of pure and clean thoughts, than it is to profess innocence, yet be consumed with uncleanness and impurity.

Alternatively, you can choose to keep your thoughts secret and none will be any the wiser… For only a true fool admits to a smutty mind.

#3 – I had thoughts…

I had thoughts of writing a novel, but I didn’t have the time; I had thoughts to write a poem but the words just wouldn’t rhyme – well, they would, but no matter how hard I tried, I simply couldn’t make them scan.

I had thoughts to become a man of letters, but I couldn’t afford the stamps, then email came along, and it’s just not the same.

All my literary leanings came to nothing… Books, blogs, journalism – never successfully.

However, I’ve found my niche: hundred word stories – at last, something I can do!

(Dammit… four words short!)

LIZZIE

How much does a thought weigh? Is it as light as a flowing feather? Or as heavy as a broken heart? Is it as light as your deepest love or as heavy as your worst fear? And how much does the future weigh? More than the past? Less than the present? How much does a thought weigh when you’re afraid? Does it make you stare at the sky or does it make you sink in the ground? Is it as heavy as a string of tears or as light as a row of beads? How much does a thought weigh?

AUBREY

“Can’t you just, not think about it? Stop stressing yourself out. Breathe.”

It’s frustrating to say the least, when people treat your illness like it’s all in your head, because it has to do with your brain.

“Can’t you just, stop being diabetic? Stop taking your insulin. It will be fine.”
Are words you would never hear them say. No one tells you to just pull yourself up by the bootstraps when you have cancer or acid reflux.

The problem is, it’s not just in my head. It’s in everything I do.

I would stop if I could. Trust me.

SARAH

We’ve all had those thoughts… You know the ones – the murderous, evil and cruel sort – often spawned in anger, but always cold, rational and considered.

We’ve all imagined killing our boss, spouse, or that irritating guy at the bar – we’ve run through scenarios in our minds, planned alibis and plotted how we’d dispose of the body.

You all think that I’m twisted and freaky, but the truth is, I only say what the rest of you have thought at some time or another, and you know that’s true.

Just beware…

It’s a thin line between thought, and action.

AMI

Did you feel that? I’ll do it again . . . did you feel it then? Yeah, I saw your fine hairs rise.

Would I pray for your buddy? Of course; I have the power but, I want the best result so here’s the question. Does a prayer to a facilitator exponentially enhance the energy of my thought or, like electricity flowing through a long conduit which may cause resistance, diminish it?

NORVAL JOE

Dergle and Long John sat on a park bench, people passing by, apparently unaware of their presence.

“Is what the little girl said true in the converse?” he asked his dog. “If you can be whatever you want by just believing, if you stop believing in yourself will you cease to be whatever you were?”

The wiener dog raised his eyebrows.

Dergle continued, “The poet said, ‘As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.’ So. If I think in my heart I am nothing, I must be nothing.”

Dergle patted his dog. “Thanks for believing in me, boy.”

TURA

Thoughts

———

Have you ever tried to think about the very thought you’re thinking when you think about the thought?

It’s like taking a step backwards to see yourself. When you think about a thought, you’re not having *that* thought, you’re having a thought about it. And if you think about the thought about the thought, that’s a third thought.

Just as well. If you thought about a thought that was itself the thought about that thought, your mind could get stuck in a loop. I reckon that’s all that so-called enlightenment is: tying your brain in a knot it can’t untie.

DANNY

Some comedian once said, “If you have a thought, maybe you should let it go.” You bet I should. Maybe this comedian was to drunk or high to drive. Probably didn’t even have a valid driver’s license. Has never before and never will respect the laws of descent society. Yet we try to be rational to irrationality, extend a hand in friendship to complete psychopaths. The type of person I used to represent in a court of law. So hand out some pretense and rage at the court of justice you now stage. It’s all just a lie. My thoughts.

PLANET Z

Ted’s magic penny allowed him to read the thoughts of others.

Place it on their skin, and the connection was made.

Reading the thoughts of his dog Sam was so strange. For a week, he wanted to drink from Sam’s water bowl.

He tried the penny on his cousin Albert while he was asleep.

The twisted things he saw made him scream and vomit, and he ran away.

Albert used the penny in a museum souvenir press, and it warped Ted’s visions further.

Ted spent years in an children’s asylum, tormented and raving, until he choked on his own tongue.