Author: R.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Charlie
• Jeffrey
• Lizzie
• Richard
• Serendipity
• Tom
• Zackmann
• Norval Joe
• Tura Brezoianu
• Planet Z

MUNSI

Wind, or Wind
By Christopher Munroe

The wind whips your hair back and forth as you wind your way through the woods, wind whistling through wood as you wander, wondering where you will wind up.

Your watch has wound down, you would have wound it were you aware you’d wind up wandering these woods, but without warning it’s no wonder you wander without…

Your mind wanders, and you wish you were willing to welcome the wonders without, without wondering what those wonders wrought whereupon they wandered upon you, gentle wanderer.

And that’s when you realize: You’ve completely lost track of what you were trying to say…

CHARLIE

The wind emanated from Grandma Lucy. Untethered by heavy clothing or undergarments, the winds drove across the dining room while we gathered for Christmas Dinner. Granny had been on a healing diet of rich, Greek food, dates and exotic grains. The cats left the room for the saving oxygen of the back yard, while we kept our heads down, lighting more candles, and sipping wine to anesthetize ourselves and burn off any flammable gases before they collected in the corners behind the heavy furniture. Gran was unaware of her blistering discharges, and continued with her special dinner. Merry Christmas, all.

It was my job to wind the clock in the hall. I had to stand on a chair after retrieving the brass key from the hanger, and check the time on the local FM station before I wound the clock. I was careful not to overwind the clock, and after it was wound, I set the correct time by moving the minute hand either clockwise or counterclockwise. The clock never lost nor gained a minute between windings. I dusted it, quickly, and reported that I finished. The week that I neglected winding the clock was the week I passed away.

JEFFREY

Trash Talk
by Jeffrey Fischer

“Mouth” McFadden was a good cornerback, but his claim to fame was his ability to trash talk opponents. Every play, all game, McFadden would have a comment about the offensive player’s hygiene, his IQ, his mother – you name it.

One game, the opposing team had enough. They called a play in McFadden’s direction. Three receivers converged on the cornerback, ignoring the ball. Each collided with the Mouth, who went down to the turf gasping for air. He couldn’t speak a word.

Looking over the prone McFadden, one of the receivers said to his teammates, “Looks like we knocked the windbag out of him.”

They were happy to take the 15-yard penalty.

Extra-Marital
by Jeffrey Fischer

Judy’s eyes lit up. She had her cheating husband dead to rights. He thought he was being clever, ordering the life-sized wind-up doll when she was out of the house, but he forgot that Judy got the email confirmation. She couldn’t believe what she saw: a clockwork sex toy! Sure, their marriage had its problems, and she rarely showed any excitement in bed with him, but honestly!

She had tracked the order and made sure she was home for the delivery. She burst into the bedroom, the accusation already on her lips. The doll, now fully wound, opened its mouth. “It’s so nice to see you home,” it said to her husband. “How was your day, dear?” Judy looked at the box. this wasn’t a sex doll, it was a conversation doll, fluent in Wife!

LIZZIE

The flag flapped in the wind, resilient and shredded. It had survived centuries of battles, countless journeys… and John. When he discovered the relic in the attic, he decided to play with it. He imagined fierce pirate fights where kings and aliens joined forces in improbable alliances. For weeks, that flag was a cape, a belt, a beach towel, a hat, a blanket, a traveler’s bag. When his parents realized what he had done, they were horrified and decided to place the flag in the garden, flapping safely in the wind, but away from John’s dreams. The flag wasn’t happy.

RICHARD

Storm

It was a dark and stormy night, the wind howled through the empty streets, whipping up stray pieces of litter and sending tin cans clattering down alleyways.

The windows rattled in their frames, rain thudding against the glass; the building creaked and protested under the assault of the storm outside.

I peered out into the darkness, inwardly shivering at the thought of leaving the warmth of the fire and braving the storm.

Some decisions are simple.

I returned to my chair by the fireside, poured a good measure of scotch and raised a silent toast to my own good sense!

SERENDIPITY

I gave the wheel a spin, taking up the slack on the ropes, snagging them tight.

It’s about now that I really should be asking you to confess, but to be quite honest, I’ve no interest at all in anything you have to say… All I want to hear is your screams!

It’s a question of balance – judging the precise amount of tension that will exert the greatest amount of pain.

Just one more turn. One final wind of the rope.

Your joints pop; sinews tear; muscles burst…

And you scream – a confession!

And a job well done.

TOM

Even in the Quietest Moments

Francis spent months in the Brass, but didn’t have the Embouchure. He left percussion because he lacked stamina. He sawed away in the strings until the first cellist formally petitioned for his removal. “Dad I’m just not cut out for this,” said Francis. His father set his baton on the podium. He hand the young man a flute. “Let’s give the wind section a try, shall we?” A bit rocky at first, but in time Francis found his place in the orchestra. They said when he played the sound of wind blow in the pines flow through the hall.

ZACKMANN

I was unloading lumber on a windy day. When I took a piece of plywood off a lumber truck I got hit by a strong wind. I felt like Piglet on that blustery day. I wish someone had seen me before I was a hundred feet in the air. My father couldn’t chase me because his car flooded so he had to wait ten minutes before trying to start the car again. Luckily I was close to the ground when the wind died down. The family whose farmhouse I wound up near let me use their phone to call home.

NORVAL JOE

Five hundred warriors assemble in ranks, armed with pen and paper. Their badges of rank, tin, silver, gold and iron monkeys clasp their cloaks at their necks. Contestants, like knights of old, take up the challenge, proud upon their linguistic steeds, prosaic pennants billow in the wind.
“Set you alarms. Mark your calendars,” the commander calls. “You have but seven days to find the one hundred perfect words to complete your mission. Not one word more or less or you will wind up among the losers. And if you don’t like the sound of your own voice, that’s your problem.”

TURA

Wind
———
Ok, I *am* the Messiah! Crazy, right? No argument from me there. See, I’ve always known it, never believed it.

What’s it like? It’s like a violent wind gusting through me, the greatest wind there ever was, but also completely still. That might take in a village carpenter’s son two thousand years ago, but I’ve studied neuroscience, and I don’t take my brain seriously when it pulls stuff like that.

Oh, your club foot? Looks ok to me.

Thanks, but I still don’t believe in these so-called miracles. After all, it’s not exactly a randomised controlled double-blind trial, is it?

PLANET Z

WIND airs Christian talk radio up in Chicago.

You can listen to it over the Internet, but I’d rather listen to my music, or the most recent podcasts in my collection.

I have a playlist for when I’m driving to work, or when I’m driving home.

Because the one rock station airs more commercials than music, and the local NPR station is always in a fundraiser.

Same with the classical station, but the fundraisers there are calmer and more relaxed.

More relaxed than the talk on WIND, I suspect.

I connect my iPhone, tell Siri to play, and drive on.

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

• Munsi
• Jeffrey
• Charlie
• Richard
• Lizzie
• Serendipity
• Zackmann
• Tom
• Marsha
• Norval Joe
• Tura Brezoianu
• Planet Z

MUNSI

Home Improvement
By Christopher Munroe

We were so excited when the project began.

I mean, none of us were carpenters, we’d never built a veranda before, but we were reasonably intelligent individuals, and youtube does exist after all, how hard could it be?

Unbelievably hard, as I’m sure will come as no surprise to the handier among you.

The resultant porch looked terrible but, more tragically, friendships ended over the fights attempting to build it caused among us. We went our separate ways, dispirited by failure, and never spoke again.

A tragic end to a tragic tale…

…especially as we’d started with such great deck-spectations.

JEFFREY

Weekend Getaway
by Jeffrey Fischer

Sam and Lisa sat on adjoining deck chairs, staring at the ocean. They had arrived at the beach house earlier in the day and planned to do little the rest of the weekend but sit in those chairs and relax.

“This is the life,” said Sam, hoisting a beer bottle in Lisa’s direction. A seagull passed overhead, spattering Sam.

“Except for the seagull poop,” observed Lisa.

“Right.” A gust of wind sprayed sand in Lisa’s face.

“And the sand.”

“Amen.” The wind brought with it clouds, which opened on the couple, drenching them.

Sam and Lisa sat on naugahyde chairs inside the beach house as rain pelted the exterior. “This is the life.”

“You bet.”

A Matter of Balance
by Jeffrey Fischer

The bar rocked to and fro as the waves battered the ship. Outside, the slippery deck and gale-force winds made walking dangerous. I figured I could hole up in the bar until the worst of the storm passed. Only one problem: the swaying of the ship caused the occupants of the bar to sway as well. I could steady myself by gripping the edge of the bar with both hands, but that left me one hand short for hoisting my glass.

Then the solution hit me: drink *more*. If I got just drunk enough, I would sway in the opposite direction to offset the ship. Problem solved!

“Hit me,” I told the bartender. I was no longer just a casual drinker: I was a man on a voyage of scientific exploration.

CHARLIE

We had to swab the deck, chip paint, polish the brass, clean windows inside and out, type letters, carry messages, answer the phone, keep the calendar, erase the boards, punch the holes in the papers, file the memos, check the spelling, lock the doors, unlock the doors, stand guard, wake the guards, pick up the trash, blow up the balloons, neuter the cats, change the tires, darn the socks, air the laundry, start the rumors, shine the boots, blow the noses, change the diapers, walk the dogs, clean the drains, feed the elders, change the oil, and count the meds.

Second

First time I set foot on the holodeck, I was shocked. Someone hadn’t cleaned up after the last user. There was food, empty bottles, used condoms, and the stench of cat’s ass and hamster food. The family had room and equipment keys, but they were very careless about tidying up after their sessions. We were able to save a shitload of money by not buying gas, going on vacations, or going to parties. Grandpa used the holodeck in his wheelchair, and I used to spend all weekend in there, with some poppers, a bottle of nitrous, and a call girl.

RICHARD

Ogres – Not the brightest of the bunch

The ogre grinned wickedly at Laggins who, quaking in his boots, whimpered, “I’m just a poor traveller… What are you going to do with me?”

“First”, replied the ogre, “I’m going to deck you. Then I’m going to steal your gold for my secret hoard!”

“You have a secret hoard of gold?”

“Yes”

“Where, exactly?”

“Down the path, third oak on the right… Now, where was I?”

“I was going to deck you and steal your gold”, replied Laggins.

“Get on with it then!”

Laggins whacked the ogre as hard as he could with his stake, knocking him clean out.

LIZZIE

“All forms of alien life, clear the deck.”

When asked about the sign, Ray pointed. “You can’t see them? The bastards! They are sitting right there, mocking me.”

That was odd. No one had ever seen any alien around.

Everyone laughed. Ray was just the local oddball.

He thought he was a prepared oddball though. He had plenty of food and water in that boat, just in case.

When the electricity system collapsed mysteriously, Ray said “See! That’s why I didn’t want them to get comfy in my boat.”

But they did and they ate all of Ray’s supplies too.

SERENDIPITY

This job sucks.

Early hours of the morning – I’m bored, tired and half frozen to death.

‘A life on the ocean wave: See the world and live the dream!’ – That’s what they promised – more a nightmare, in my own opinion.

Plus I keep getting saddled with the crappiest jobs, like tonight, stuck out on deck peering into the darkness, while everyone else is partying down below.

I’d had enough, and sneaked below deck to try and warm up.

Which is why we hit the iceberg.

Such a shame about the ship and all those people… it wasn’t unsinkable, after all.

ZACKMANN

When you lived as long as I, you will have many regrets. Likely your biggest regrets are those you could have avoided with free professional advice. If only I’d asked the paint counter what paint was good for wooden decks they would have told me to use seal or stain for wooden decks and I never would have painted it. After failing to remove old paint with multiple power tools and chemicals, I am trying deck restoration paint but from the YouTube reviews heavy duty paint is still paint and still likely to bubble and chip in two years too.

TOM

Benny Decked Lucy

He knew it wasn’t the proper thing to do. His parents had told him it wasn’t right to knock the daylights out of his little sister, even if she provoked it. Grandma had a bit different take on the matter. “Make her throw the first punch.” So Benny found the one thing that would unhinged his sister and delivered it during dinner. Sure enough what Lucy heard wasn’t what his parents heard. What his parents saw was Lucy fly over the table and grabbed Benny by the throat. When Benny decked Lucy his parents had to implement new rules.

MARSHA

Title: Saturday Night

Every Saturday night around 6:30 I meet with eight of my nearest and dearest. We gather at a different location. Money and snacks are involved. We play a variety of games, and no one knows where some originated. One lady has dreamed a couple up, and I mean literally. Eights or if’n, gone fishing, leaping lena, the wings just to name a few. Some of them are wild and some are not, but all are either high or low and sometimes both. The thing we all agree on is, if things aren’t going your way get two new decks. Deal suckers.

NORVAL JOE

Rick Racker pulled on his own brown hood adjusting the eye holes to see clearly and sat at the table. He said, “Have a seat.”
Dergle sat in the remaining empty chair.
“Shouldn’t your hats be stylized armadillos?” he asked.
“Why?” Rick asked.
“Well, because, you know, they’re…” Dergle stammered.
“Julio. Cut the deck,” Rick said to one of the hooded men.
Julio produced a deck of cards, split it into two equal piles and set them in the middle of the table.
Rick took a card and turned it over.
“The Joker?” Dergle asked.
“Yeah.” Rick smiled. “The Joker.”

TURA

Deck
———
After designing cards for standard decks, Tarot, and Magic: The Gathering, I branched out into new areas of the ludocartological art. My creations include a deck for the Chinese Five Elements of Nature and Twenty-Nine Ranks of the Court, and a modern one crossing the Periodic Table with Gell-Mann’s Eightfold Way.

My Unity deck has just a single card, showing the eye of God. At solitaire you always win.

The Zen deck has no cards. The design on the back is a brush-drawn circle, the display case a solid block of wood. The sage plays without playing, and wins all.

PLANET Z

Officers used to shout “All hands on deck” to gather the crew so they could deal with a big emergency.

It also helped them weed out the jokers on the crew, who’d rush to the top deck and put their hands on the wooden slats.

A boot in the ass would knock them face down into the deck, and they’d learn not to make light during an emergency.

These days, you hear that expression everywhere. Network engineering, grocery store checkout lanes…

Less boots in the ass, though.

Unless it’s for a run on dominatrixes at the local brother, of course.