Weekly Challenge #467 – Pen

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This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

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Tinny and Bunny

JEFFREY

Have Pen, Will Travel
by Jeffrey Fischer

The authorial imagination often soars when the author is removed from familiar surroundings. We take that for granted now, but few remember that it was the fountain pen that freed the wordsmith from being chained to his inkwell. Carrying enough ink for many pages of prose allowed him to write anywhere. Thus, the invention of the fountain pen was the second most important development in the creation of the modern writer.

Nevertheless, another hundred and fifty years or so would have to pass before the invention of the writing surface outside the home, also known as Starbucks.

Swordsmanship
by Jeffrey Fischer

They say the pen is mightier than the sword. I know mine is. When I say that, I often get a condescending reply about the metaphorical power of the written word. I can see that reply forming in your mouth as well, sir.

But I assure you that I’m not speaking metaphorically. Take a look at this pen. To be sure, it will write a few lines, but this is also – wait a moment while I push this button – a fully-functioning light saber, capable of slicing through metal like… well, a laser device through metal. I have a pen, but I’m not that good with similes.

So put down that sword before you get hurt, sir.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 100: The End

George pulled up to the guard’s cabin, signed out, and drove away from ‘Connect Protect Solutions’… maybe now he could get back to the world he understood – pipes, washers and drainage. He couldn’t have felt happier!

Pausing at the junction, he glanced in his rear view mirror and was surprised to see the security guard running after him – he leaned out of the window.

“You’ve still got my pen!”, the guard was shouting.

George didn’t care – he floored the accelerator, without looking, and ploughed straight into a passing truck!

—-oo—

George opened his eyes… the hospital seemed strangely quiet.

#2 – Monkeys

If an unlimited number of monkeys with typewriters could theoretically write the complete works of Shakespeare, just imagine what they could do with a decent word processing package… Neatly formatted paragraphs, properly spellchecked and justified – although I bet they’d use Comic Sans!

Personally, I wouldn’t trust a monkey with anything more advanced than a pen – and I can’t imagine they’d do anything particularly creative with it. Probably stick it up their bum, I imagine.

If you’re going to write Shakespeare, monkeys simply aren’t up to the job, no matter how many you might have handy.

Try dolphins instead.

#3 – Petition

Laggins was enjoying his third helping of bacon and coffee, when the doorbell rang. Grumpily muttering to himself, he opened the front door, to be confronted by that perishing wizard again!

“What?”, he barked.

The wizard smiled… “Would you be willing to sign a petition outlawing door to door recruitment for magical quests?”, he enquired, proffering a large quill pen.

Without hesitation, Laggins grabbed the pen, signing his name on the wizard’s scroll, with a flourish.

“Oops!”, said the wizard, “Wrong scroll… you’ve just signed up to join the ‘Infernal and Horrific Ultimate Treasure Quest'”

“See you tomorrow, first thing!”

#4 – Livestock

We keep them in the pen until they’re ready to move on – that way we can watch their diet and there’s no chance of them running off.

Of course, they need to keep fit and healthy in such a confined space, so we give them the treadmills and the exercise bikes – they get an hour in the middle of the day, and another couple of hours in the evening: Keeps them at their peak and gives them a better quality of life, you see.

Then, after forty years, we let them go… with a carriage clock.

Happy retirement!

LIZZIE

“When we were kids, we had pen-pals. This was when people used pens and paper. To open the mailbox and find a letter from some exotic location was beyond words. Sometimes, we received letters from places we had never heard of. We would dream of going there to meet our new friends!”

The kids looked at their great-grandfather, a puzzled look in their eyes. “Is that why you got stuck up here in Colony800?”

The old man sighed. How could he explain that there had been a life before the Colonies, a life at a place everyone called “the World”?

SERENDIPITY

They told me that the pen is mightier than the sword – I didn’t believe them: A sword is clearly a far superior weapon to a ballpoint, but then I got thinking.

A sword is such an obvious weapon, difficult to conceal, and takes training to wield efficiently… whereas a pen can go anywhere, and nobody would ever suspect evil intent.

My plan was simple: neurotoxin carefully applied in just the right place: Hundreds of victims – simple and deadly.

Mightier than any bladed weapon, any day.

Because everybody chews on their pen, even you, perhaps even right this minute?

TURA

Pen
——–
Whether one writes a poem, a letter, or just a shopping list, always there is the perfect pen for the task. For this letter, I selected my 1851 Montserré fountain, with a nib of meteoric steel and a hand-chequered mahogany barrel. I would use a North Indian ink, its forthright blackness tempered with a regretful hint of sepia.

Of course, she would appreciate none of this.

“O light of my heart,” I wrote.

“After deep consideration, I have decided to terminate our relationship. How can I share my life wth someone who writes to me only with a ballpoint pen?”

ZACKMANN

After supplies ran low, I wound up dueling with the old Captain over which of us was most capable of feeding our crew.

I asked the Captain if he would bet his life on the pen being mightier than the sword. He told me he would so I stabbed him. Luckily, our cook came from a cannibal tribe so the captain was better able than I to feed the crew after all.

Why the eye patch you might ask. Well, just because I find the sword mightier than the pen that doesn’t mean the pen is useless in a fight.

ANIMA

THE END IS NEAR

Folks: Penmanship has gone into hospice, and the end is near.

Not long ago, Penmanship was taught in primary school, and a part of the foundation of the education system. This skill was honed through the simple task of writing untold numbers of thank you notes to distant relatives; social rapport and empathy were developed. The reward? Smiling grandparents, and five dollar bills delivered on birthdays.

Now, the clatter of keyboards and tapping of touch screens have usurped Penmanship. The hopeful walk to the mailbox has been replaced with the Pavlovian response to a message alert.

It makes me cry.

TOM

A Well Defined Relationship Part 100

As I lay pen to paper I can scarily believe it’s been 50 years since the death of Timmy, which in itself tests the limits of a rational world. Normally a still birth document lists gender, baby boy or baby girl, but the officiating nurse swears I clearly said Timmy. Magnanimously the Parsons did not question my oversight, for the rest of their lives they referred to that lost son as Timmy. I can’t explain my change of heart. I can’t tell you why I did it, I might will be insane to tell you Timmy told me “Do it.”

NORVAL JOE

The pen is mightier than the sword. I know it’s an overused expression and one others of my fellow drabblers are likely to quote.
It’s a stupid expression as well. While it made seeing difficult for my adversary, once I’d shoved my pen in his eye, he had quite the reach on my with his sword.
I lost my pen. It protrudes from his face. And I’m about to lose my life, as I’m unable to hold me entrails in from the gaping sword wound across my abdomen.
So, don’t believe it. The pen is not mightier than the sword.

MUNSI

On Pens

By Christopher Munroe

You can’t OWN a pen.

They’re like butterflies that way. Or disposable lighters. They don’t BELONG to anyone, they simply are. They’re out in the world, existing, and while one might stay with you for a while, the time will inevitably come when it must move on.

Somebody will borrow your pen and, thoughtlessly, it will be put in that person’s pocket, never to be seen again.

And, when that comes, there’s nothing you can do to prevent it. It’s pointless to try.

Just say goodbye to your pen, remember the time you and it shared fondly, and move on…

DANNY

Weekly Challenge 467: Pen

I don’t use a pen anymore, I type everything now, averaging 110 words per minute. Even if I were inclined to use a pen to write this, I don’t know if I could hold it right now after hearing a friend from High School died suddenly this past week, prior to his 50th birthday. It is stunning that someone healthy, with no medical history, could die so suddenly. He leaves behind a wife, who is in remission from a terminal illness and unemployed, plus two teenage son’s. This just prior to Easter. I doubt even Shakespeare could pen such a tragedy.

KIMI

The ink wasn’t quite dry on the parchment. Satan carefully blotted the markings. He admired the beautiful script, the perfectly spaced letters. He picked up the sheet and blew softly on it, not having the virtue of patience. He set the document down before him on the desk. He meant only to flick a fleck of something off the page, but he ended up smearing a wet globule of ink through the signature , obscuring the name.
Sighing, Satan cast the raven feather quill and snowglobe inkwell into outer darkness. Wistfully, he pocketed a shiny Bic retractable pen. It clicked loudly.

PLANET Z

It is said that the pen is mightier than the sword, but in a zombie apocalypse, you really ought to arm yourself with a sword.

Or a machete. Or, at the very least, a knife with a strong grip.

A gun might be handy if you need to deal with other humans, but guns require ammo, and ammo eventually runs out.

Yes, you can bluff with an empty gun. You can’t bluff zombies, though.

Well, maybe. You can stand behind a chainlink fence. Then, when the zombies rush the fence, stab them through the fence with a long metal pole.

The Tupperware Party

We’re holding a Tupperware Party at my house.
No, we’re not showcasing food containers.
We’re a political party. And we’re planning a revolution.
We hope to preserve the union, the constitution, and individual freedoms.
How will we do that? Simple, really.
By encasing everyone in plastic containers, of course. And by pushing down the lids to burp out any air.
We’ll start by sealing up all of the current political leaders in Washington. And capitals across the world.
Once peace breaks out, we can unseal them.
Make sure to label everything. Although creamed spinach is much more popular than Congress.

Dark Music

I wake up in the dark, wrapped in a thin blanket, and I cannot see anything.
I hear nothing but the sound of my breath, and my heartbeat.
I can feel the floor. The floor is cold tile.
I can feel my violin case next to me.
It feels strange… wet… slick…
Something is sliding around inside of it.
I hear a violin in the distance. My violin.
I wrap the blanket around me tighter.
The music is getting louder… closer…
A voice whispers in my ear. “Thank you for the violin.”
The music is getting softer.. further…
I scream.

Shelf

I started with a bottle of wine.
Then, I turned the lights down low.
Tonight’s going to be special.
I took the Philip Glass CD down from the shelf and put it into the player.
Then, when the moment was right, I pulled the shelf from the wall.
The screws popped loose after a few tugs.
I wiped the dust off of the shelf and gave it a long, deep kiss.
Oh yeah.
The next day, I met up with my ex and told her all about it.
“I told you to go fuck yourself,” she said. “Self, not shelf.”

The Test Of Time

It’s amusing to watch movies from a few years ago.
As much as I try to enjoy the story and acting, It’s hard not to notice:
Older computers
Older cell phones.
Older cars.
Older hairstyles.
Older brands.
And the so-called special effects before digital effects can be cheesy and corny. Totally unbelievable.
When I watch movies now, I wonder how I’ll view the dated material in them.
Will the cool whiz-bang effects today look like a joke in twenty years? Ten years? Five years?
This is why I only watch hardcore pornography now.
That stuff stands the test of time.

The Cowardly Little Phone

The toaster, radio, lamp, electric blanket, and vacuum left the cabin to seek out their long-lost owner.
The rest of the furniture stayed behind and waited.
Some of the furniture had an excuse not to join the expedition. The television’s tube was too fragile, and the bed was too large to fit out the door.
The telephone had no excuse. It was small, agile, and light.
But after years of constant ringing, it was finally free of the headaches, and it didn’t want that pain ever again.
That’s why it refused to call in the first place.
Silence was golden.

Buh Bye

I am flying home from a conference in Atlanta.
While I looked out of the window of the plane, I noticed a few strands of hair stuck in a seam of the window shade.
They were a dark amber, thin, and very long.
I tried to imagine who they might belong to.
Maybe some girl going back home for spring break?
Or some woman flying to a business meeting?
Perhaps they were from some stewardess, getting screwed against the cabin wall during a long and boring flight?
No, that’s not right.
They prefer to be called “flight attendants” these days.

Weekly Challenge #466 – Connect

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

We’ve got stories by:

What’s the next Weekly Challenge? Come to the website and subscribe to the feed to find out!

Myst yawn

MUNSI

Theories

By Christopher Munroe

Correct me if I’m wrong…

But vaccines cause deadly genetic defects, while measles, mumps and rubella are minor illnesses that are easy to deal with.

Immigration is an ISIS conspiracy to spread Ebola.

It’s not just Obama, EVERY president was secretly a Muslim.

Fluoridated drinking water is a plot by the UN to, as part of agenda 21, turn our children into communists via mind control.

The world itself is hollow, and the lizard men who rule us in conjunction with the illuminati live in its core.

…what, I AM wrong?

Which part?

All of it?

Oh. Okay. My mistake…

JEFFREY

Prison Break
by Jeffrey Fischer

The three men finished tunneling under the prison around 3 a.m. They resurfaced ten yards past the range of the searchlight outside the prison grounds and went their separate ways. Hank was happy about that. Donnell, a large black man, had beaten his boss to death with a tire iron, while Waylon, a fully-tattooed neo-Nazi had done some nasty knife work. Hank was amazed that the two cooperated long enough to dig the tunnel.

Hank gave a last look at the sign, which marked the prison as the “Middletown Correctional Center.” He laughed at the inaccuracy. Places like that didn’t correct their inmates; they only shut society’s problems away from squeamish eyes. But Hank didn’t really care what they called it: he had an ex-wife to track down and kill.

Grading Time
by Jeffrey Fischer

Travis looked at the stack of essays he had to correct by the next morning and regretted, not for the first time, his choice of career. Once he thought teaching was a cushy gig, spending an hour at a time telling kids what he already knew. No one warned him about the rude students, the disruptive ones, and the ones who just didn’t give a damn about anything. They refused to listen, or learn, and the end result was a pile of poorly-spelled, grammatically-bewildering words about “Romeo and Juliet,” with themes stolen from the first two pages of a Google search. He considered blowing out his brains to avoid having to look at the essays, but that would give the kids too much satisfaction. Instead, he reached for the red pen.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 99: The best

Slipping into the driving seat of his car, George spotted the marketing leaflet lying in the footwell that had started this whole crazy thing off. He picked it up and re-read the fateful words:

“CONNECT PROTECT SOLUTIONS – Elite bodyguarding, personal security and covert operations. Have you got what it takes to be the best?”

He’d always been jealous of Julie’s high-powered career as a ‘protection specialist’ and had pestered her for months to let him try… and he’d properly messed up!

“Ah well”, he thought, starting the engine, “the world needs plumbers”, and there at least, he was the best!

#2 – Disconnected

‘Unable to connect to the server!’

I try again, and then again with no luck. I wait a few minutes and give it another go. Still nothing. Just how long is this going to take?

I look around me, but nobody else seems to be struggling: they click, they connect, everything works as it should, but not it seems, for me.

Perhaps there’s a knack to it, a tricky flick of the wrist that I’ve yet to master, or maybe it’s just a matter of timing.

Then unexpectedly, I connect. The server smiles…

“Are you ready to order, sir?”

TURA

Correct
——–
The teacher asked, “In a straight line of fenceposts, 5 feet apart, how far is it from the first to the 20th?”

The student at once replied, “100 feet!”

“95,” the teacher reproved.

The next day, the teacher asked, “Consider telegraph poles, 10 yards apart. How far from the first to the 10th?”

“90 yards!” replied the student, proud of his new knowledge.

“Correct. But have you truly learned? Consider again fenceposts, 5 feet apart. How far from the 20th to the 40th?”

“95 feet, of course!” said the student.

The teacher responded, “You have not learned how to learn.”
——–
A man passed by a building site, and advised the builders. “Now then,” he began, “I can see that you do not know the correct way to build a house. You have walls with no roof! Learn from me: a house must have a roof. They are surrounded by churned mud, but a house needs roads and gardens about.”

The builders do not answer this man. He has perceived only the outward form and knows nothing of the inner form that creates the outer. They know the business that they are about, and everything will happen at its correct time.

SERENDIPITY

The leg bone’s connected to the…

Knee bone.

The knee bone’s connected to the…

Shoulder bone!

The shoulder bone’s connected to…

The neighbour’s annoying Yorkshire terrier!

I’m not sure what you’d call my creations. ‘Living sculptures’ perhaps, although, if I’m honest, most of them don’t live terribly long.

I realise that not everyone appreciates my work, but they do say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. I just think it’s beautiful to take that eye, and connect it in a new and interesting way.

And, as the bodies twitch and convulse…

I see poetry in their motion.

LIZZIE

The identification of that mysterious liquid recovered from the landing site was correct. At first, no one believed Professor Grant. Then, when the matter started to break and beautiful blue lights fought their way out of the vials, everyone panicked. They called him back to a frantic lab. “What should we do?” they asked. The Professor knew there was nothing to be done. “Seal the base. Let’s hope for the best.” It took them a long time to connect the dots and find a way out. Many were left behind… fatally. However, the blue planet continued to be beautifully blue.

ANIMA

After all of this, I hope you will still consider me a friend.

I mean, we did both spend a fair amount of money and several hours filling out surveys on Match/Connect.

Maybe you didn’t answer all the questions in a most truthful manner. I went with a plus or minus 10ish on the 1 to 5 scale, so I am to blame too.

I think the algorithms thought we would make a perfect match as you are a left leg amputee, and I am a right. Unfortunately I think you have awful taste in shoes. A blue Croc, really?

TOM

Happy?

When you walk in the valley of Business you’ll be pelted with affirmations: Feast or Famine, when it rains it pours. Let me add another, if you don’t protect your joys, none will survive the light of day. A bit long winded, and lord knows I really don’t have the time. But if you promise not to tell anyone, I will show you my last surviving joy. Its 80 blinking lights. Yup my joy is connecting LEDs. Since I can’t solider, who has the time for that? I just connect the LED leds to breadboards. I call the project firefly.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 99

The deliver was long and then it got longer. Colonel Parsons was slumped against a wall, and it was there Doctor Proctor joined his slump. “Did you know we met during the war?” “Did you know I met you before the war?” “It was a time of connections. Alliances and Afflictions. A maelstrom of relationship that shifted and shredder the landscape. ” “So rebel scum can you save my son?” “At a cost, a very horrible cost.” “You know what my wife wants?” The Doctor fell sadly silent. As he rose to return, a hand stopped him. “Save my Wife.”

NORVAL JOE

As Dergle and Long John drove away from Bambi’s house, he said, “At least there’s one person who believes I still exist. Now, if I can just get the rest of the world to believe me as well.”
Driving past McDonalds, he had an idea. After driving through and getting chicken nuggets for Long John and an Oreo McFlurry for himself, he parked close to the building. He pulled out his laptop and logged onto the free wifi.
“They say the best way to connect with people is on Twitter,” he told his dog and created his account as @WienerDogMan.

DANNY

My cousin Barry would not just win, he would flat out humiliate me playing what I thought was going to be a friendly game of Connect 4. When the Qubic 3D board came out, I was stunned. “This isn’t connect 4,” I said. “Sure it is,” Barry teased, “you just have to get 4 in a row to win, hence, it is just like Connect 4.” My 8 year old mind just wasn’t capable of understanding all the new strategies I needed to master in 3D, and my older cousin took full advantage of that. That’s o.k, I can totally humiliate Barry playing Scrabble now.

PLANET Z

They say that twins share a special connection.

I’m not talking about conjoined twins, where they share a liver or a spleen.

I’m talking about one knowing how the other feels, or when one strikes their thumb with a hammer and the other feels pain.

Scientists think that this has something to do with mirror neurons and seeing someone that looks like you experiencing something, so you feel like you experience it, too.

But that doesn’t explain me and my evil twin brother Bart.

Haven’t seen him in years. Nobody has.

But, I swear, I hear screaming. And smell brimstone.

Air Message

I like to leave messages on the air sickness bags on airplanes.
Messages like PRIZE INSIDE! and CONTENTS SOLD BY WEIGHT, NOT VOLUME!
But my favorite message of all is 100% RECYCLED.
I rarely need the bags myself… because I’ve already thrown up in the bathroom at the airport.
I thought about signing my work, but security is nuts on airplanes these days.
What I do is a harmless and innocent kind of weird, but all too easily misunderstood.
I’d hate to get detained and interrogated.
It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.
Where’s that bag?

Fly? No.

I don’t like to fly.
I used to not mind it at all, but now, I can’t stand it.
I tried hypnotherapy, virtual simulations, and all kinds of drugs and New Age crap.
None of it works. It only seems to make things worse.
So, I stopped flying.
And then I realized that I like where I live. It’s a really nice city, with a seaside resort a short train ride away.
Except that I now don’t like to ride that train.
Or in a bus.
Or car.
I’ll just sit here at home.
It’s quiet. And safe.
(I hope.)