Tickler

Julius Caesar had an assistant who’s job was to whisper “Caesar, thou art mortal” into his ear every so often to remind him to remain humble.
He also had a man whisper “Caesar, thou art ticklish” into his ear to remind him that he was ticklish. Then, that advisor would unleash a fury of tickles that would bring the great dictator to his knees with laughter.
Once, the tickling advisor went too far, and Caesar felt humiliated and violated.
He ordered the man to be executed.
The first advisor probably should have whispered “Tickler, thou art mortal” now and then.

The Amber Rose Of The Amazon – Part 31

“What did Miss Stein pay you for your services?”

“That amount I now will keep in spite of a delay in execution. But its been a pleasure working for the Moriarty family.”

Even at his age Holmes still maintained the ability to slow his pulse and calm any emotional response. Not to say his mind wasn’t racing to very corner of his skull to weight out the danger those two words invoked. The Game had moved from a pleasant distraction to one of dire consequences. Had he known he would have been less caviler.

Slowly he moved to the right.

The Generals

General Clayton was a great soldier, and he earned many medals.
So many medals, in fact, he was unable to pin them all on to his chest.
That’s when he had himself cloned.
With all those additional chests, he could pin the medals on.
Of course, with all those additional General Claytons, they collectively earned even more medals.
More medals, more Generals.
It was an endless loop of generals and medals, until the Army ran out of medals to give to the generals.
Then, they all suddenly died of the same congenital heart defect.
Dammit. Now we need more cemeteries.

The Amber Rose Of The Amazon – Part 30

The undeniable click of a revolver sounded behind Holmes ear, a good 10 feet away.

“Yes Mr. Holmes why on earth would we carry such things,” said Mrs. Kane

“To give Mr. Adams there justification for shooting myself and my partner Dr. Watson. That is Mr. Adams gun is it not.”

“Not much escapes you, except this night. Sadly in the struggle our dear 3rd vice president expired.”

“Very tidy, and a pound of sorrow for Mrs. Ford.”

“Since I will be meeting my maker in moments, does a condemned man have a final request?”

A second trigger clicked “Ask.”

Weekly Challenge #427 – Temper

Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at oneadayuntilthedayidie.com.

This is Weekly Challenge, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.

The topic this week was TEMPER.

We’ve got stories by:

The next 100 word stories weekly challenge is on the topic of SAUSAGE.

Bed cat

JOHN

One Way Street, by John Musico

I had been in this unbearable condition too long and could take it no more. I looked up to God and beseeched; “I now wish to go back to the other side.” The Lord replied; “What you request is wrong. You found yourself here not by my hand but by yours and your request is not permitted. You chose to be dead and here you shall stay.” Once again I implored; “I made a mistake; I now wish to be alive again.” God replied; “You had free will then, now the only will is mine- here you shall stay.”

JEFFREY

The Piano
by Jeffrey Fischer

Young Raymond sat before his piano and stared at the sheet music, down at the keys, then back again. His teacher had assigned him the first two preludes in Bach’s Well-Tempered Clavier. He knew that a “clavier” was like a piano, and having a temper meant being mad, so he concluded that Mr. Bach meant for him to be mad at the piano. First he pounded on the keys. Then he said nasty words to it – the nastiest words he knew, even those Mommy keeps telling Daddy to never say again. By this time, Raymond had worked himself into a fine frenzy. When his father returned from work, Raymond had taken a claw hammer to the unsuspecting piano and was dismantling it blow by blow.

That was the end of Raymond’s career as a pianist.

Losing It
by Jeffrey Fischer

As the meeting to plan the retreat to plan the year’s meetings dragged into its third hour, Connie felt tempers begin to fray. Hers slid past the breaking point long ago, during the discussion of letter-versus-legal-sized pads. Now the topic was the ratio of regular to decaf in the coffee urns, and Connie could take no more.

“No one cares about any of these stupid issues! You’re only obsessing over this because you think holding a meeting is actually doing something. Get a life!” She stormed out.

The others looked at one another, embarrassed for Connie’s sake. Several made the “she’s nuts” gesture of finger spun around the ear. Then they got back to work, considering the merits of HB versus Number 2 lead in the conference room pencils. The discussion was quite spirited.

TOM

Why So Sad?

Lucia Corleone press the triangles bland to Raphael’s shoulder. He spit out foam and a defiant growl. “Temper Temper Putto,” she whispered her Italian Greyhound at her feet. A picture of fidelity and wrath was the Don’s daughter. Fidelity was not Raphael Luma’s strong card. He strove the city in an Adonic fashion turning heads and braking hearts. “The name putto?” the knife cut deeper. Defiance fled, all that was left was desire for peace. “Paulo.” came his shrift

At the funeral Lucia lay a bundle of Ranunculaceae upon the coffin no one missed the sexual reference or the man.

A Well Defined Relationship Part 56

The few remaining gun-men took aim in the direction of the fire. The acuteness of this angle of fire insured their shots dug into the dirt kicking up Funky town dust obscuring the women’s position. From that cloud came a second volley and the number of bandits stood at 40.
Timmy and Doc slowly walked straight at Le Cid firing at the ground kick up a hellish amount of dirt. “My dirty little secret” said Doc, “they’ll never see us coming or Dino Mod.” Tempers spilled into chaos shots flew wild and random. Behind the line the ghillie suit rose.

RICHARD

#1 – George’s Story – Part 60: Caged

George realised the weirdness of his predicament – in a strange reversal of fortune, he had become a caged animal, whilst the real animal that should have been in a cage, paced fiercely on the other side of the bars.

To make matters worse, George was acutely aware that he wasn’t alone in the cage – something was snuffling about in the opposite corner.

He had no idea what it was – but whatever it might be, George sincerely hoped it was small, friendly and had a naturally even temper.

Unfortunately, the rhino in question bore absolutely no similarity to that particular description!

#2 – Angry Chef

Hiro was the angriest chef I’d ever met – his kitchen was terrifying: knives, saucepans and plates would frequently be turned into missiles – it was like a war zone!

His temper was legendary – it was said that he could curdle milk with a stare, and I could well believe it.

But, when it came to food, batter was his nemesis!

He’d stand over the fryer, shouting, screaming and red in the face – “Fry, dammit! Fry!”

Until the day his new commis chef started – he watched, then took Hiro quietly to one side and simply said to him: “It’s tempura, Hiro, tempura!”

LIZZIE

If there is any expression I hate is the proverbial “temper, temper”. I have trouble dealing with self-righteous people who wave the flag of knowing-it-all and when they add that sanctimonious “temper, temper”, I wonder how a tragic fatality doesn’t inevitably occur.

Every now and then, there is someone who throws a single “temper” at me, going from a low pitched beginning to a dragged high pitched ending. I’m not really sure which is worse, to be honest.

So, to avoid losing my temper with all this temper business, I’ll wrap up, thinking that perhaps I should’ve written about… swords!

SERENDIPITY

I used to have a terrible temper – the smallest upset would make me flip, and then… watch out!

I’d shout and scream, trash anything to hand and if you happened to be the object of my anger… well, you’d better leave town, and pretty damn quickly.

Funny how the years – and therapy – can mellow even the most destructive temper – these days, I’m one of the most relaxed people you could ever imagine. It’s not been easy, long hours of counselling, sheer determination and a cocktail of drugs have kept things nicely in check.

That, and the occasional mass killing spree!

MUNSI

Temper

By Chris Munroe

I can’t seem to get angry anymore.

I try, I mean there’s plenty of horrible shit going on around the world that’s well worth getting angry over, but however much I strain I can’t.

I used to be able to summon up appropriately righteous fury, and I still mean to, but I never seem to get there.

I’m no longer shocked by mankind’s inhumanity. I’m used to it. Outrage fatigue, I guess. I don’t know the technical term. I just know I used to be angry, but I can’t get there any more…

…at some point, I lost my temper.

TURA

You must see the latest Dan Brown film, “The Well-Tempered Clavier.” Based on his impeccable scholarly research into Johann Sebastian Bach’s secret system of tuning the musical scale, it tells how the Pope and the Holy Roman Emperor (both played by Ian McKellen, one with a beard, one without) tried to steal the occult secret for themselves. At the climax of the film, Bach (played by Robert Downey Jr.) defeats the Vatican’s ninja monks and the Emperor’s crack Templar Knights with the demonic harmonies he wrests from the great 12-manual organ of St. Peter’s.

“The Well-Tempered Clavier”, in cinemas now!

SPATE

Hash – Part 16

They caught Davidson; he didn’t get far; got stuck in the HVAC directly
above the guards’ lounge. He couldn’t go any further without causing himself
more pain than he was willing to endure. Given the choice between his erect
manhood pinned and savagely scraped across the rough prison sheet metal air
duct or lethal injection, well.

They rushed him straight to the gurney as is; naked and all greasy and
shiny, with his stomach rumbling and his member at attention, bobbing and
leading the way.

Warden was of ill temper. He had seen botched executions before but this was
obscene.

JULIE

We make love

And I keep my temper in check

The cold shards of 30 years

Falling from me in crystalline brilliance

On the cement floor.

Shattering like broken wedding crystal/

There is the door.

I can walk through,

At any time.

Not any more.

I cannot.

You pay my bills—

I am your whore.

I am everyone’s.

To money, to love

To lust

I must

Find a way to not let this Irish blood boil

To check these passions and do what you all need from me.

To not lose my temper.

CHELSEA

I am 100% a natural red head and that fact comes with a few well known facts about my appearance, pale, freckles, green eyes. These things are not a stretch for you to assume about me, and you would me right. I have all of those things.

Things that are often assumed about me that are not necessarily true include, high energy, evil, wicked temper, and soul eater. I’m not going to say that these things are not true. They are in fact true, but it’s kinda rude for you to assume. And now I have my eye on you…

DIONYSIUS

Temp

You will find, said the emperor, that Malvoorian justice is tempered with mercy, just as the Malvoorian steel from which we forge our exquisite blades is tempered in our forges.

Our courage, tempered in the violence you initiated is not tempered by such idealism, said the sweaty, muscled prisoner standing before him.

The emperor allowed a slight smile to pass over his face, like a shadow of the moon Calys.

Tempers may be tempered by experience but intemperate experience only tempers the tempted.

Now you’re only playing with words, said he prisoner, who was executed at dawn the next morning.

Humility

“Tempered” was the word the man before him had used. Now it was his word and his duty. They could not understand because they were not tempered.

Could never be. Perhaps this one would become a man. He didn’t cry like the others. They knew they had no destiny, suffered in their weakness until … flotsam and jetsam.

Had he been wrong to give almost all of them the opportunity to prove him wrong? The thought that he himself was still untempered.

After checking the basement lock again, he looked in the mirror as he went out and thought, humbly, I am still not what I should be.

Jarvis

Jarvis couldn’t figure out why his aggressive and violent temper didn’t measure up to the even more aggressive and violent world.

His shortcoming concerned him in every and all moments. The thought that his freedom and continued well-being depended on controlling his temper failed to console him. Thoughts of freedom and well-being drew a bitter scowl to his face and exacerbated his disappointment in himself — as well as his disappointment in everyone and everything around him, since they had failed to engulf him adequately in rage.

Imagine his disappointment, dying peacefully at home, old, surrounded by children and grandchildren, all of whom hated him.

NORVAL JOE

When you have a son with autism who inherited fetal alcohol effect from his drug addict birth mother, temper tantrums are something you get used to.
Pull yourself together. Don’t get your knickers in a knot, your undies in a bundle. Don’t have a kanipshun fit, a cow or a baby. For that matter a royal canary. Believe me. I’ve used them all to describe my boy when he’s acting out, as they say at his school.
However, it can only be described as going postal, or maybe even a nuclear melt down when my son’s father has had enough.

CALEDONIA

Tempered Temper
by Caledonia Skytower (Judith Cullen)

She felt him, squirming on the other end. After three years of being dominated by his fictions, she was the one in control – her pin twisting ever so slightly with the certain truth of her knowledge. He brazened it out, and she silently gave him credit for it. Then the key moment arrived, “Am I wrong?” A long silence. “About what?” The power filled and flooded through her. She could unleash it all: hurt, anger, pain, confusion. Her smile blossomed as she decided. “It’s not important.” No longer needing to know why, she pulled the pin out, and released.

PLANET Z

To say that Capone had a temper is understating things a bit.

When Al got mad, he got mad, and people got hurt.

The boys went to The Big Apple for a weekend, and Al can’t sleep. He says that Statue Of Liberty broad is shining her torch in his window, so go do something about it.

They get him moved to the other side of the hotel, that ain’t enough… he wants them to kneecap her.

All night long, they’re whackin’ the thing with baseball bats and pool cues, but no dice.

“Fuggedaboutit,” he says. And he shoots them.

Wedding Soup

While shopping for vegetable soup, I saw cans of Italian Wedding soup on the shelf.
Wedding soup? Don’t Italians have cake at weddings like everyone else?
Do cake topper brides and grooms float? Or do you strip them out of their clothes so they can skinny-dip in the soup?
The Italian Wedding soup? I thought that Minestrone was the “Italian” soup, but it turns out they serve that at divorces.
Italian Wedding soup is nothing but noodles and meatballs. Why not just call it noodles and meatballs?
Are gays and lesbians allowed to eat it?
I’ll stick to Vegetable, okay?

Italian Food

My grandfather served in World War 2. He liberated Italy, and when he wasn’t screwing whores and stealing priceless art works, he was chowing down on the best food he could get his hands on.
He brought back crates and crates of paintings and sculptures, only to lose them all when the Army followed up on the Vatican’s complaints about looting.
He kept one treasure, though: a recipe book, collecting up amazing dishes that kept his restaurant busy every night.
One night, a burglar shot him.
The book stopped the bullet.
Don’t ever say Italian food is bad for you.

Acting Crazy

Small. Thin.
Forget Captain of the Football Team, I was King of the Drama Club.
I had the lead in every production.
Tom Thumb.
Hamlet.
Peter Pan.
The spotlight was mine… MINE!
Until… puberty.
I got tall, clumsy, and… other things.
This year, instead of Peter, I’m “a” pirate.
Not even Captain Hook? OUTRAGEOUS!
That little shrimp, Marty Finkelstein, stole my role and my Tinkerbell, Cindy Van Hooten!
You know when Tinkerbell saves Peter by drinking poison?
Clap all you want. She’s not getting up.
And this isn’t a rubber sword.
Meet me and your doom at center stage, Peter.

The Case of the Amber Rose of the Amazon – Part 29

The wall slowly parted exposing first the gun then the woman. Her bead on the doctor was one of an accomplish shooter and Watson doubled his focus on every move the 2nd stenography made.

“Confound you Mr. Holmes I have rewrite this outcome thrice because of your stumbling about our affairs. I pray this is the last amendment.”

“I am an agent of Mr. Grant, but age has made me slow of wit and I fully missed the connection between he and you. The secrets he kept of the firm caused secrets of his family to rise to the surface.