Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Three Hundred and Thirty-Two, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Card.
And we’ve got stories by a lot of people:
- Thomas
- Jeffrey
- Munsi
- Guard 13007
- Serendipidy Haven
- Cliff – Uncle Monster
- Caledonia
- Tom
- TJ
- Zackmann
- Brokali
- Lizzie
- Botgirl
- Bonchance and Sevi
- Steven the Nuclear Man
- Norval Joe
- Danny Dwyer
- Arri Gaffer
- RedGoddess
- Planet Z
And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post… this obligatory cat photo should help make the Internet go faster:
(I was borrowing my wife’s camera for a soft of Bruwyn this morning, synced up, and three onboard snapshots were hidden on the camera. I miss my buddy.)
THOMAS
His business card was unique. Brad, a designer, had special cards made that he would hand out to prospective clients. The cards were made for him by Altadox in Shenzhen, China. Containing circuits, the card hummed, lit up, then vibrated when exposed to light and warmed by contact with the hand. Brad would pull a card out at a meeting, and hand it to visitors, causing the meeting to stop while everyone passed the card around, examining it. The small amount of radioactive material used to power the devices leaked, and the cards had to be recalled, but too late.
#
Mr. Bilbo thought of himself as a real card, but his practical jokes usually caused injury, and his last trick put his own mother into traction. Underneath his benign exterior, an evil, sadistic man simmered. Terrance was angry about being born without the usual complement of man parts, so he spent time dreaming up pranks to agitate everyone he came in contact with. He had no friends and worked as a clerk in a county job. Terrance’s last gag involved gun powder and alcohol. He was setting up the gag when something went wrong, painting the garage walls with Terrance.
#
Nancy was crafty. She brushed her friend’s dog, carded and spun the long hair, and knitted hats for her family. Nancy discovered all the hats went missing within a few days. One afternoon, she saw her dog, Pearl, digging in the backyard. Grass and dirt flew from between her back legs, as she worked zealously at the hole in the back yard. Nancy went to investigate and found her hat at the bottom of the hole, partially covered by the loose dirt. Pearl didn’t like the whole family walking around with the smell of the other dog on their heads.
JEFFREY
It’s in the Cards
by Jeffrey Fischer
You sit in front of the woman in the crazy gypsy dress, your wife next to you, watching the elderly woman put one Tarot card on top of the other. You do not bother to hide your skepticism. The gypsy woman doesn’t seem to mind: she knows that your wife insisted you do this, and she’s seen the skeptical husband archetype before. You paid up front, and that’s all that matters to her.
The gypsy places another card on the table, on top of the Wheel of Fortune that lay there. The Fool. Certainly appropriate, you think dryly. “A zeegnifigant change eez comink,” the elderly woman says. Is her accent real or a put-on? You can’t decide. She places another card 90 degrees from the others. Temperance. I need a drink, you think. “Harmony und balance,” she says. “But opposite of that. You haff unbalance.”
Last card. You turn to your wife. “It’s Death. It’s always Death in these cheesy carnivals.” The gypsy places the last card. Not Death, but The Tower. “Hard times for you,” she says. “It eez your ruin.”
“I’ve had enough,” you say, and leave the tent. Your wife catches up with you and says nothing as you make your way to the car. Angrily, you start up the car and drive off too fast. When the child steps in front of the car you have no time to stop and the little body hits the front bumper, then the windshield. As your wife begins to scream, you wonder if the gypsy has the gift of sight after all.
MUNSI
The Card Trick
By Christopher Munroe
Pick a card, any card.
Look, then put it back into the deck.
Queen of Diamonds, right?
No?
Well, the trick only works one time in fifty-two.
Still…
When I did it to my buddy Steve, and it was the Queen of Diamonds, he basically lost his mind. Spent days trying to figure out how I did it. Eventually stopped asking me, but I suspect some part of him still wonders, even today.
And if you don’t think that was worth the dozens of times the trick failed, you don’t understand my willingness to over-commit to a bit at all.
GUARD 13007
My opponent muttered some sort of incantation, and the skies darkened. A flash of lightning, and my response appeared, a metallic beast, drawing in the rest of the lightning and using it to power up.
She was unfazed, her eyes turning blue as a blinding light shone above her. When it faded, an electric-green dragon was hovering there.
It opened its jaws, sucked in air, and belched a fireball at me. My beast jumped to protect me, but was weakened by the extreme heat.
Things were looking grim, but I could still make it if I played my cards right.
SERENDIPITY
“My card”, he said, reaching into his wallet.
“You can stuff your card where the sun don’t shine – how the hell am I supposed to get home now?”
I stared dismayed at the wreck of my car: a complete write-off, although his swish limo was barely dented.
“Please”, he said, “take it. Give my office a call and everything will be taken care of.”
He slipped the card into my hand.
“Now, please excuse me, I’ve a flight to catch”
He drove off, leaving me. I sighed, and looked at the card in my hand.
It was completely blank!
CLIFF
Thanks for calling Storyline. My name is Raj. How can I help you? Yes sir, we sell custom stories written on demand. How long of a story are you needing? One hundred words? Really? Is this one of those goofy one hundred word podcast things that everybody …oh, it is. No sir, we don’t judge, we just sell the stories. Now, what credit card will you be using? And the name on the card? I’m sorry, Chris, was that Monroe with a W or an E? Very good. And your topic? Oh, no sir. We don’t do wiener dog stories.
CALEDONA
There he is again, on his damn horse. The card is cluttered with other symbolism, but I always draw back intimidated. Way in the background a golden burst catches my eye. I lean closer. A sunrise between two towers: the end of a journey. A deep voice rumbles, “Death humbles, strips all to the bone, but is not the end. It is transformation. See the sun pass daily only to return. See seasons change in a cycle of rebirth. Old leaves must wither and fly away from a tree’s branches, leaving them bare, before new green leaves can appear.” Cool.
TOM
“Grandma why do they all a funny guy a Card?” She sets her High Ball on the coaster and in broken English say, “There was this dealer in Las Vegas in the last 40’s could rifle a deck between his ear and shoulder. Every time Bugsy Siegel sees it he breaks up laughn. Well Bugsy gets popped and next thing yas know everyone the guy even smiled at starts getting wacked. Final one day they find the dealer in a 55 gallon drum in the desert a big old smile painted on his face. Let play some rummie, timmy. Deal
TJ
Throw Down
If I play my Ice Demon, he’ll counter with his Red Dragon card. If I play Cloak of Midnight he’ll throw down Night Vision. Eagle Talon will get Rythian Shield, Terra Force Army will face Spectre Wail. My Ninja Fighter is powered down for the next three turns, and my Crystal Wizard is no match for his Sorceress. Tar Slime will force an agility toss but he’s been doing too well with those and I do not like my chances. I think I’ll just tell everyone he still wets the bed and win when he runs crying from the room.
ZACKMANN
I go to this place and ask a woman if she could help me remember this
book about this kid who thinks he is playing a game and he finds out
the only way to win is to bend the rules. He later finds out he was
really leading an army not playing a game. She says “Card”. I take a
card out my wallet. She says “No, I mean look under Orson Scott Card.
He is the author. Book is Enders Game or better yet the First Meetings
edition but you will need your library card to borrow it.“
BROKALI
She opened the card and stared at it for most of the afternoon. She knew the next time she saw his name it would be this way. There it was in beautiful calligraphy his wedding invitation. “We’ve finally found the love of a lifetime.” She laughed as she resealed her roommates mail, this was why she told her to never sever ties with him. This way she would know when the man that shattered her heart in a million pieces was ready to move onward. She pulled her pistol from her purse and also moved onward after pulling the trigger.
LZZIE
A line of people, each with a card, waited patiently. Some cards said “Odd Person”; others said “Funny Person”.
“Odd people to the back,” someone yelled.
The line disarticulated itself in disarray until all the “odd people” were standing at the back. When the train arrived, one of the “odd people” raised his arm.
“Funny people are odd,” he said. “Sometimes you simply cannot understand them.” A wave of protests came from the front of the line.
The supervisor told him to shut up. He did. After all, odd people are odd people and funny people are funny people. Right?
BOTGIRL
John opened the panel in the back of her head and inserted the card into the open slot. The body was a perfect replica of Jane in her prime, before the accident broke her too badly for even medicine’s modern miracles to repair.
Jane had resisted getting scanned and backed up, no matter how many times John had nagged her. “We’ve got plenty of time,” she’d say. Now, the results of an experimental post-mortem brain scan were anything but certain.
Activating the start-up process, John waited to see if his beloved wife would boot up from the dead.
BONCHANCE AND SEVI
Crap,
Our 100 challenge word offering based on the word card. Collaborative write with Severina Halostar and Bonchance Longfall:
Card…
The lunatic was subdued and bound
All but one of the parachutes were destroyed.
The engine sputtered. They weren’t going to make it.
10 crew, one parachute. They decided to try two on one chute but who?
Everyone picked a card, highest cards get the chute.
Tom held the cards as everyone took a card, each person held theirs up.
the two female crew members were showing a jack and a nine.
Only one other crewman displayed a card, a deuce.
Tom cupped and palmed his ace.
He looked at the two female colleagues saying, let’s get you strapped in.
Some say, “Living in a house of Cards” is a bad thing.
Ever imagined all the great floor plan combinations you could create?
You could build regal formal rooms and pretend you are royalty or erect
a cozy den for when you want to kick back and swig a cold coors light.
So how do you deal with your home constantly cascading into a pile of cards?
Chill out! There’s more than meets the eye in a carded configuration.
With real estate taking a big dump, why invest heavily into bricks and mortar.
Plasticized paper is the way to go!
That Jim Casey was a card!
Jim was a cheerful guy who loved to pull peoples’ legs.
He always had a smile on his face, no matter how bad things were.
Even locked up behind bars and constantly being thrown stern looks by the men in blue.
He still grinned broadly like it was his birthday.
Jim’s house was being dismantled. The search for evidence proceeded.
They wanted to nail this sicko. The sheriff, looking revolted, spoke to the sea of news cameras.
“I can’t get the sight of that hidden room’s trophy wall of legs out of my mind!”
STEVEN THE NUCLEAR MAN
The security guard scowled, face hard as the steel door behind him. “ID, miss. You need to show it at all times.”
I sighed, digging in my pockets.
“…don’t need no stinking badges…” I muttered, finally withdrawing the plasticized card from my cargo pockets.
The guard looked it over. “You sure about this?”
“You know how many of these guys think ‘boob inspector’ is funny?”
As the guard smiled and opened the door to the annual frat convention, I unrolled my tape measure, adjusted my “junk inspector” badge, and anticipated making a lot of egos experience a lot of shrinkage.
NORVAL JOE
Elbownor shot his last arrow and pulled his long slender sword from its scabbard.
Shareeka’s magical blasts were visibly weaker with each wave.
Flinderts chest and face were spattered with goblin blood. He laughed as he swung his double-edged axe back and forth disembowling multiple goblins with each swipe.
“You look to be tiring, Dwarf. Do you you need Owen’s help?” Traveler teased.
“Ye be a veritable card, Ranger. Keep yer sense of humor. Ye’ll need it when that next wave gets here,” Flindert said.
Owen gulped when he looked over his shoulder and saw the goblins mounting another attack.
DANNY DWYER
“You really suck when your in a bad mood, just deal the cards!” Mark screamed at the top of his lungs. I just sat there motionless, first card of the deck in my right hand, refusing to move, refusing to deal the next hand of 5 card stud poker. “Your lucky I don’t defriend your sorry Republican ass on Facebook. You might be a complete, utter douchebag who loves yelling at empty chairs, but your no Clint Eastwood,” I responded. “Oh, I’m so going to kick your liberal ass, DEAL!” I just dealt the hand, never saying the cards were marked.
ARRI
Riktor couldn’t fathom being duped into this colossal time waste visiting the seer. It was ludicrous to think this would help. Life blew and that was that. The bloody invasion had taken his work, town, wife, and all else that mattered in life. All that remained was loss and anger. And this quack oracle across the table.
“So turn the card.” barked Riktor.
The oracle didn’t immediately. “Your view, is very short, see little. Maybe raise eyes, look farther no?
As the card rotated; the view wiped to become another reality. Lushly opposed to his former life. Completely alone too.
RED
The rainstorm hits the coast harder than locals expected. Rain or shine Lola has to work. At the hotel, the wind slaps the front gate open, dragging debris in from the main street. A queen of heart card flies in and lands on Lola’s desk. She looks up and notices the light for the “no vacancy” sign is flickering. Lola wishes she had taken a personal day off to spend time with the mystery guy. She’s reluctant to open her heart and deal with another disappointment. She could still hear his last word while saying good night, “you intrigue me.”
PLANET Z
My grandmother turns ninety-seven tomorrow.
I didn’t send her a card this year.
Or the past six years.
(Or was it seven?)
Anyway, she’s ninety-seven, and at every birthday dinner, she always asks who’s birthday it is.
“It’s yours,” my parents tell her.
“Oh,” she says. “And how old am I?”
“Ninety-seven.”
“Oh,” says my grandmother. Then, slowly: “Ohhhhhhh.”
They give her the cards to read.
And they get to mine.
“It’s perfect,” my grandmother says.
They told me she said that seven years ago.
So, I said “Keep giving her that card each year then.”
It’s still perfect.
