A man in a trench coat steps into the alleyway, walks down the steps, and knocks on a steel door.
A peephole slides open.
“What the password?” a voice growls.
“Mendicant,” whispers the man in the trench coat.
“Thank you,” growls the voice behind the door, and the peephole slides shut.
Somewhere in the building, a man at a computer terminal is drumming his fingers, waiting.
Another man runs into the room and says “Mendicant.”
The man at the terminal types in the new password. The screen confirms the input.
“I hate having to change these things every ninety days.”
Author: R.
Questions
Ned sent me a text message: “I have some questions.”
I sat down and waited for the questions to arrive.
One minute.
Two minutes.
Three minutes.
No questions.
Four hours later, still no questions.
I started to text back “What are the questions?” but I cleared the screen.
I’m not going to give in.
I’m not going to play this game.
If Ned has questions for me, he’ll ask them.
So I sit.
And wait.
What if Ned’s not responding because he’s in trouble?
Or lost?
Or hurt?
I sit there, worrying. Then, I text:
“I have some questions, too.”
The Lost God
Whuh, the God Of All Who Are Lost.
He has no priests, no followers, no temples.
Wander, traveler, and you are in the domain of Whuh.
The old bum, over there, under a crumpled, misfolded map as a paper hat, steering shopping cart full of broken GPS boxes, his chattering chorus of misdirection.
His eyes have seen many lands.
But he remembers none of them.
Do not ask him for directions.
Just walk. Walk in any direction.
You’ll find your way.
You’ll escape from the domain of Whuh.
The electronic chorus says TURN LEFT NOW.
The bum coughs and laughs.
Lord Foster’s Estate
Lord Foster’s estate is gigantic.
It is so large, by the time the man who mows the grass is done, the grass has grown back.
The groundskeeper asked for an additional man.
Lord Foster said no. The staff was large enough as it is.
The groundskeeper asked for a faster lawnmower.
Lord Foster said no. That lawnmower was fine for the job.
The groundskeeper asked if the lawmower could run at night.
Lord Foster said no. The noise was annoying.
So, the groundskeeper asked Lord Foster to come outside.
He tied him up.
And ran him over with the lawnmower.
Bacon Man
When Bacon Man
Has no bacon
He grabs a bottle
Of bacon-flavored syrup
Made by Torani
The syrup experts
And with his
Mighty fist
Twists off the cap
While cursing the world
For the lack
Of real
God’s-honest bacon
Within reach
“Where is my bacon?”
Shouts Bacon Man
“What is Bacon Man
Without bacon?”
Nobody answers
He stares
Angrily
At the bottle
Raises it
To his lips
And drinks
It’s not bacon
But it’s bacon enough
For Bacon Man
He drinks
And drinks
And drinks
Until the bottle
Is empty
Bacon Man belches
Drops the bottle
And sits there
Scowling
Mr. Eight Ball
Captain Infinity signed for the package, closed the door, and went into the kitchen for a boxcutter.
When he finally pulled out his new costume, he was horrified.
Black jumpsuit, white circle on the chest, and a golden 8 in the circle.
He dialed the customer service number on the invoice, and wasted the next 2 hours getting the run-around with the costume manufacturer and his credit card company.
The replacement wouldn’t arrive for two weeks.
He sighed, put on the costume, and met with the Avengers.
“Are we behind the Eight Ball today?” Iron Man sneered.
Captain Infinity fumed.
Weekly Challenge #276 – Falling
Welcome to the 100 Word Stories podcast at podcasting.isfullofcrap.com. I’m your host, Laurence Simon.
This is Weekly Challenge Number Two Hundred and Seventy-Six, where I post a topic and then challenge you to come up with a 100 word story based on that topic.
The topic this week was Falling
How about voting for your favorites?
[polldaddy poll=5364299]
Thomas
Gideon
Zackmann
Laina Ash
Tom
Daniel
Danny
Norval Joe
Justin
TJ
Planet Z
And if you want to spam your social networks with this episode, use the Share buttons at the end of the post.
Thomas
The temperature kept falling. I brought the dogs in, fed the iron stove, and sat in the big chair, pulling two woolen blankets over me. I thought of the pony and llamas in the barn. They must be freezing. I cleared furniture out of the way, and brought them indoors. Pretty soon, I had the chickens inside, along with the turkeys, two cats, and the boar. It was crowded and smelly, so I stepped outside for moment and the door clicked fast behind me. I could see them through the window, snorting and huffing and helping themselves to the pantry.
Gideon
Without thinking I replied “I adore you, I love you, I cherish you and I am slowly falling in love with you”.
She laughed, “I don’t think you are the type to ‘fall in love'”.
I thought a second.
“I think you are right – I don’t fall in love but I have been in love and I am slowly becoming in love”.
She asked “What’s the difference between falling and becoming?”
“Falling happens quickly – becoming happens slowly”.
A lightbulb appeared.
“Maybe it should be ‘I am slowly realizing that I am in love with you'”.
———————–
We have a new activity here at the nursing home, my new employer.
Joe has been retained to help reduce the recent increase in resident injuries.
His firm, Safety First, is considered the premier injury reduction firm in the area.
The class is called ‘Falling, Gracefully’, which teaches how to fall without injury, using many techniques taught to those studying judo.
The residents seem to enjoy the class but there does not seem to be a reduction in injuries.
One day they will find the correlation between my hire date, the rise in injuries and my joy in tripping people.
Zackmann
Jim was visiting a garden at the top of a skyscraper when a coconut feel out of a tree hitting Jim
on the head knocking him off the edge of the roof.
Jim took out his cell phone calling 911 saying “Help me! Im falling”
“Yes Mr Ling could you tell me how we can help you?”
“Im Not Pho Ling. Im falling as in plummeting off Simon Tower.”
Jim wishes the on hold song was not Lemon Demons Ive got Some falling to Do.
Landing in the back of a manure truck, Jim decides it unwise to speak further.
Laina Ash
No one ever wants to talks about falling into strange things. Like my co-worker Bill, one day he had the pure look of bewilderment so being nice (even though he steals my awesome creamer,) I asked what was wrong. Stuttering he answered, “I went to take a dip in my pool yesterday but I notice it didn’t look right. So in the process of a closer look I tripped and landed in my pool, but instead of water it was filled with tapioca pudding. It seems Bill Cosby finally snapped and went
Tom
Moriarty thought THIS IS the best the Master of Deduction can do! Pitched
off Reichenbach Falls to a certain rather indecorous death and he states
the absurdly overobvious. To Moriarty’s scrawl Holmes wryly smiles, grabs
the professor’s lapels, drives both hands against his chest, sends the
professor flying outward from the falls. In an equal opposite reaction
Holmes is driven deep within the waters. “Up impossible, down improbable,
out less then beneficial deduction states when all possibilities are
eliminated the only possibility was indeed: IN,” mused Holmes perched on
his rock ledge counting the seconds to Moriaty’s demise
Daniel
I’ve been falling for hours. Why haven’t I reached the bottom yet?
I remember climbing the mountain. A rumbling interrupted our attempt to make camp for the night. It was an avalanche. I ran, but found myself at the edge of a cliff. Desperately, I jumped.
I must’ve died. That’s the only explanation. Why else would I still be falling? This is hell…
The sun rises, and I can see land to my side. It takes me a moment to realize that what I’m seeing isn’t a cliff face, but the ground.
I haven’t been falling at all; I’m flying!
Danny
I woke up, should be a good thing, but I live on the 110 floor of the Empire State Building (truth be told, I squat there, need another 100 words to explain). Anyway, I step out of bed, now I’m falling rapidly towards 34th street. Moments from impact, I’m caught by none other than Mila Kunis! I look at her and scream “Oh my god, I love you as Meg on Family Guy!” Mila screams back at me, “How come nobody in Hollywood takes me seriously as a comedian!” I calmly reply, “Maybe it would help if you put some pants on.”
Norval Joe
“No way he’s falling for this,” Fly Paper Boy thought. He slouched down in his seat and faked asleep. It was 2am, he was out on bail, and parked in front of Vinyl Man’s late mother-in-law’s house.
“Jimmy Thompson,” the officer said, “Haven’t seen you in years. What are you doing so far from home?”
“Oh. Mr., I mean, Officer Dinkman,” the boy said. “I stayed too late at a friends, and got sleepy driving. I’m better now.”
“Tell your parents hello,” Dinkman said as Fly Paper Boy drove away from the house where $1,000,000 lay buried under the porch.
Justin
The Carnival of Esoteric Wonders came into town, and Harold walked to the spectacle, fully reliant on his cane. He knew the time of his long, contented life was nearly up, but he’d never been to a magic show before, so he went to see Chroniac the Amazer. When Chroniac asked for a volunteer, Harold raised his hand, and was chosen. Harold got into the black box, and felt the sensation of falling. When it opened, he was a teenager. He tossed the cane away and cried out ‘Dadgummit! I don’t want to have to go through this again!’
TJ
Had you asked Martin why he was so interested in being a spy, he’d be
hard pressed to say. He was feeling a bit hidebound, perhaps. The
relationship dramas of his fellow classmates bored him and after he got
his real driver’s license he realized he was still too young to go
anywhere. He enjoyed his permit training with his dad, and thought maybe
a more mature perspective would bring them closer together. But his
father never approved of his freelance spy training. And when a secret
panel fell open on his dad’s workbench, he suddenly knew why that was.
Planet Z
I wake up.
I open my eyes.
It’s cold. It’s dark.
I’m laying on a bench
Looking up.
Branches. Dark skies.
Snow is falling.
It is beautiful.
I feel it on my face.
Cold. Melting. Wet.
Blinking it out of my eyes.
I open my mouth
It’s covered. Taped shut.
I reach and
I can’t move my arms
Or legs
Tied to the bench?
I can’t move.
I shake, I yell
Nothing.
I can’t move. I can’t make a noise.
I can’t roll off.
I open my eyes.
It is cold. It is dark.
Snow is falling.
It is terrifying.
The Killing Stone
Ever kill two birds with one stone?
It’s not that hard to do, really.
Especially if they’re chickens. Bashing in their heads with a stone is really easy.
In fact, if you’ve got them trapped in the coop, you can pretty much wipe out the whole flock with one stone.
Dropping a large paving stone on a bamboo cage full of finches or parakeets will take out half a dozen easily.
Ostriches are another case entirely. Those, you have to wait until they’re asleep, and take really careful aim before hitting them.
Otherwise, they’ll kill one human with one kick.
The Gallery
Art thieves hit the gallery last night, stealing every painting out of their frames.
The owner of the gallery called the police, and then called the insurance company.
No answer.
The cops looked at the insurance policy.
“Oh, it’s from that company,” they said. “We busted them last month. It’s worthless.”
The gallery owner panicked and looked around…
The frames! The frames are still there!
He called his engraver and worked up new signage that showcased the ornate frames the thieves left behind.
Their avant-garde show “Focus On The Frame” was a success.
Until the dastardly frame thieves showed up.
Bigger dreams
Little Susie dreams little dreams of little things.
She’s starting to dream of bigger things.
Sadly, the bigger things don’t fit in her little dreams.
So, she’s trying to dream bigger dreams to fit them in.
Oh no! Those bigger dreams won’t fit in her tiny head!
“I need a bigger head for my dreams,” she said to her mother.
“Ask Santa for one.”
To make a short story shorter, yeah, Santa gave her one.
She’s the kid over there with the gigantic head, full of big dreams.
(Most of which involve being able to walk again without falling over.)