Every morning, I grab a banana from the kitchen and head to work.
The banana is there to protect me.
From what?
I have no willpower. I cannot resist the breakfast shops along the way to work.
But the moment I catch the smell: donuts… kolaches… breakfast tacos…
I peel the banana and take a bite.
Instead of being tempted by the unhealthy fare, I eat my banana and make it into work.
As I toss the peel into the trash, I look up and see…
Someone brought in a box of donuts.
(That’s when I pull out my sledgehammer.)
Author: R.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #39
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When you write enough 100 word stories you start to notice a pattern. I think its because their small you get a larger data set to work with. For the most part they are funny stories set in the somewhat mythical land of my youth peppered with lost Germanic roots. They are reflections seen in Kid-vision. They seems to speak of a longing for justice and fairness that I guess must be lacking in the world I see around me. They are simpler and revel in immediate gratification, no deferred satisfaction. Then they’re the stories with zombies, much better stuff.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #38
Many folk have sent New Jersey sand paints but I cant read a word they say
The must dangerous demon to the creative process is self-editing. Not the processes of selection and refinement. I’m talk about discount it because it not good enough, its been done before, its childish, not literary enough, people with laugh, my mom with shack her head at her idiot son. It creeps in when you find your smiling at the words in front of you. It definitely has a voice like your fifth grade English teacher. Sister Mary Retribution, “ Mr. Marquette this is not an appropriate topic.” I use to listen to that voice but now I listen to another, mine.
The Jobs Report
We all wait outside The Department of Labor, waiting for The Jobs Report.
A small man in a suit walks outside, steps up to the podium, and removes a manilla folder from his briefcase.
He takes off his glasses, wipes them with a handkerchief, and puts them back on.
The crowd is silent as he opens the folder, looks through the documents inside, and selects a single sheet.
He cleans his glasses again, puts them back on, and reads The Jobs Report:
“One,” he says. “Mine.”
He breathes a sigh of relief, looks around, and runs back inside the building.
Don’t believe the frog
No, you’re not imagining things. That frog out by the castle gate can talk.
Let me guess: he says he’s a prince, and all you have to do is kiss him to change him back?
Yeah, that’s true. But he’s not telling you the whole story.
Sure, he’s a prince, but he was changed into a frog because he had been bitten by a werewolf.
Since the castle’s healer doesn’t have a cure for lycanthropy, he had the court magician turn the prince into a frog.
So go ahead. Kiss him. Be my guest.
Get your damn throat torn out.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #37
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Sometime a story lives wholly in the moment. It never gets to paper. Stories for baby Laura were of this natural. She demanded they be made-up on the spot and never repeat. This was the bed time ritual between me and my sister well into her teens. I was allowed to use the same character, but not in the same setting. Her favorite stories were the ones about the butch fairies. A group on tiny lesbian warriors who used double head axes to harvest public hair to make bungie cords. They live in the small forest in North America
The Best Damn Costume I Ever Saw
The coolest Halloween costume I ever saw was worn by Mat Silverburg. He wore it to one of the legendary Staff of Life Bakery parties that took place at Woody and Allison’s off Ocean Street. He got his girlfriend to knit a turtleneck sweater with two necks. He duct taped a mannequin head to his shoulder pulled the sweater over it, wrapped medical gauze over his face and the mannequin, dropped a beat up fedora over each head and finished it off with a double set of 1940s wrap around sunglasses. He became the two-headed invisible man. Brilliant simple brilliant.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #36
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If you rub to pencils together it will make a story. I saw it at the county fair. A guy with a microphone was hawking them to a small crowd of retired teachers who seem satisfied with the product and were buying it like hotcakes. It was called the Word-O-Matic. But as I said all it real was was two number 2 pencils connect to a hydrogen fuel cell. I gave them a try and sure enough I got 100 words on the quality of mercy. Layed down my 20 and put them in the bag with the magic beans.
Breaking hearts
She has a reputation for breaking hearts.
Which is why she got pulled off of the artificial heart assembly line and put in the product testing group.
“If you’re going to break these things, we’d rather you do it in a way that helps save lives, not kill people,” said the factory managers.
The curious thing is, when she breaks a heart, analysts look over the heart and can’t find the reason why it failed.
“She had such promise,” says a factory manager. “So much potential. It’s too painful to watch her fail like this.”
And another heart is broken.
How Do You Write 100 Word Stories #35
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Now I lay me down to bed I pray the lord a story in my head. If I should die before I wake give my agent 10% that’s his take. Amen. I go to bed with one more story on the screen. I am too tired to write. It will be waiting for me in the morning to be clever or funny or sad. More that likely it with be just 100 words. A wise guy once said all we are doing to rearranging the same words. As if we got something new to say. I’ll just say good night.