Author: R.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #11

Many folk have rented the Goodyear Blimp to ask how do you tom write a 100 word story.

A story isn’t a story unless it’s universal. So who is the most universal universalist in our corner to the universe. The Dolly Lama! I flew to the Himalayas, but the he was on a mountain top meditating. If the Doll won’t leave the mountain, then the mountain our leave we go. When I saw the great soul a voice filled my mind and I spoke these words “Well Hello Dolly” I must say the medical treatment in Nepal is quiet good.

Looms

Don’t believe the horror stories about textile mills.
Sometimes, they can be fun places.
Once a year, when we’ve made our production targets and have some material left over to play with, I like to go down into the floor and shuffle the punchcards like a Vegas dealer.
Then, I stack them back into the machine and start up the looms.
The patterns that emerge are stomach-wrenching eyesores, complete and total crimes against fashion and decency.
We get out the patterns, make them into slacks, and what we don’t sell to professional golfers we give as gifts to our grandfathers.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #10

Many folk use semaphore flags to ask how do you tom write a 1,000,000 word story.

In a word electroshock.

Set the voltage to 20 amps and the timer to half a second.

That puppy Will keep your hand moving.

ZAAAAAAAAP

EEEEEEEEEIIII.

Sorry let me just jot this down First.

Oh yes if you don’t keep up

that bolt of electricity

does clear the brain pan and believe me

You will stay focused.

ZAAAAAAAAP

EEEEEEEEEIIII.

Sleep you ask?

Overrated.

Eating?

That is why god gave you two good hands.

ZAAAAAAAAP

EEEEEEEEEIIII.

I’m on day 100.

16 to go

ZAAAAAAAAP

EEEEEEEEEIIII.

Honey I can’t feel my legs.

Double Rainbow

I’m not sure about the science of it, but every time we see a rainbow here in Skittles Valley, it rains bits of colorful candy.
Everybody runs around with buckets, catching the candy.
When all of our silos are full, the candy company comes around and buys up our annual harvest.
However, every now and then, there’s a double rainbow.
Nobody’s standing around with a camera shouting “WHAT DOES IT MEAN?”
Instead, we run to our cellars and wait for the storm to pass.
Glass breaks.
Wood splinters.
The winds howl.
What does it mean?
Insurance rates are going up.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #9

Many folk have Astralprojected into my bedroom to ask how do you tom write a 100 word story.

I have to say I’ve had quite a bit of luck using my right index finger. I don’t have that much control with my left finger. The words get pretty wobbly and hard to make out when you use the left index finger. The trick to legible fingermanship is the writing surface. Wood is too hard. I use the bottom of a dish drainer. The fingernail should not dig too deeply into the paper. A strong light behind the page aids reading.

What On Earth?

Everybody’s going to the new salon on Fifth Street.
For some reason, it’s all the rage, but the styles they come up with are dreadful.
“You look like you stuck your finger in a light socket,” I told my friend. Her hair was standing a foot tall from her head. “What on earth made you do such a thing?”
Then I caught a sparkle inside her hair. The updo was meant to conceal an antenna.
But there was a fully-exposed pod on the back of her neck. No coverage at all.
They might conquer earth, but they’ll never be in-style.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #8

Many folk are using basketball PA systems to ask how do you tom write a 100 word story

When I was but a boy my pa took me out in the desert one winter. He asked me if cactus have sharp pointy things? I didn’t like the way this stories way going. I got the feeling there was some deeper moral hiding in an act of stupidity that led to pain. When he started taking his clothes off, I decided it was time to go home. “Where you going son, I’ve got a teachable moment going on here.” No GOOD.

Hear The Horns

The world is out of sync.
Maybe God got the speed of sound and the speed of light got mixed up this morning, but now I hear things before I see them.
The alarm going off before the clock showed 6.
Birds singing on empty telephone wires.
I try to cross the street and I hear cars honking, the screeching of brakes.
But it’s a red light. The WALK sign is lit.
I am crushed to the curb.
Hit by a car?
People shouting. Sirens. Unseen hands lift me.
So much pain.
I still haven’t seen what hit me yet.

Wings of Desire

Jimmy and John built wings made out of cardboard. Cut into thousands of pieces some as thin as paper others more to the size of bone they covered the surface will shellac and linseed oil sewed the overlapping sections with spider silk Jimmy found in the back of the Chinese medicine shop. They climbed on top of the cliff at Pirate’s Cove. Jumping off the edge an ocean breeze sent them soaring upward. They flew around till sunset, landed and went home. The next day Jimmy’s family moved to Manitoba. John waved goodbye and knew he would never fly again.

How To Write 100 Word Stories #7

Many folk have used ESP to ask how do you tom write a 100 word story

It’s not the words you have to watch out for, it those devilish punctuation. Oh they may look harmless, but they brood, fester and lie in wait to ensnare the unwary. Let me underscore this, “Commas are the Devil’s Work. “Where the hell do you put them in a quotation,” he said? Dashes dashes not good not good. The periods, there are so many of them … too many of them. Its not safe, slash them all, what’s that: Oh no a SEMICOLON iiiiiiiiiiii